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I feel like crap

Georgiadude

Georgiadude

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sorry you are hurting. It is a terrible, empty lonely feeling when you lose someone. Give it some time. I wouldn't contact him for a week or two. If you do I would just drop a quick-just wanted to say hi and make sure you are ok. let me know how things are going. That way you keep some communication open without sounding like you are trying to get back together. Maybe after a little time he will realize that he misses you and you will have left the door open for him to make the next move. If he doesn't reply he has moved on. sorry. I really hope things get better for you.
 
Awww...you deserve someone better.
I was in a similar situation and I learn to be the one who is whatever about it...
I would be so happy for you if he changes his mind and calls you :o)
 
This may be worse than falling for a straight guy - falling for a gay (or bi) guy who can't accept his own homosexuality.

What can you do? Not a blessed thing. Move on. Delete him from your contacts, and find yourself some gay people who can accept that aspect of their lives. Stay busy, stay social. You'll get beyond it.

Lex
 
^^^

What Lex said.
 
dude. thats intense. sorry about that man.

as of course, the advice given to you is great.

believe me...keep yourself busy and it will do wonders...
eh.
 
All the more reason to stop dealing with him. If the only time he'll show you any love is when he manages to block out societal guilt, this isn't going to be a healthy relationship.

Yes, he's wrong. Yes, he's screwed up. But you can't fix him.

Lex
 
jn0125 said:
The thing is that he told me that even though we had only known eachother for a month and a half he felt as though he has known for for much longer. He said he had to control his urges. And that kissing me or being with me would set him back. He is trying to get over me. I think he is doing this so that he doesnt loose his comfortable life with his girlfriend. I was at their apartment while she was out of town and it is really is nice. He has it set there. Life couldnt be any better. He said that as fucked up as it may sound alot of what he does in life is determined somewhat by our society He once told me that something was missing with his girlfriend and that he didnt know what it was, whether it was the fact that she wasnt a guy or something else. He said that its to hard to have his heart in two places.
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And now you know how people like Larry Craig, Ted Haggert, and Mark Foley are created. They can loudly and proudly declare anti-gay slogans and damnations, while they hunt for cock in an airport bathroom. I pity these people. They are too scared to follow their heart, and live their lives as they should. Instead, they are stuck in loveless relationships, going thru the motions.

These also tend to be the same men that one day, wake up, realize they are 45 years old, miserable, and wasted the past 25 years of their life living a lie.

Personally, be glad he broke it off with you now and not waited until you were really attached in a year or two. Besides, you'd always be his dirty little secret. You'd never be able to meet his family, his friends, or hold his hand walking down the street. Let him carry on with his perfect breeder dream of 2.2 kids, a white picket fence, and a mini-van, living in the 'burbs. If that ain't hell, I don't know what is.
 
jn0125 said:
The guy i s nothing like those guys. He really truly does freel guilt and his heart is in it with the girl. Even if he does like guys more he loves living a straight life as well. He said he couldnt have his heart in two places. He really did like me allot. He once stopped talking to me for a few days just because i said i could get over him in a week :) He told me hearing that hurt him. So i know that he has feelings for me. I told him that i was just joking and that of course it would take me longer to get over him :) Now he has stopped talking to me completly and i dont want to start talking especially after i said that i would leave him alone. Of course i wasn't in love so im not completly heart broken but there was a strong attachment that ment somethig to the both of us. Obviously not enough for him to keep seeing me. He said he looked down the line and said that if just one month was hard enough two would be even more. He couldnt take the guilt.
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Oh I'm sure his feelings for you are quite real. I don't believe someone is either good or evil, but that we all harbor each. We are all good AND evil.

You don't go from being a "normal" person to someone like Larry Craig overnight. People sell out, little by little. Piece by piece. Twenty years down the road they wake up and realize just how far down the river they've let themselves drift. Shame and guilt build layer by layer upon a person. He chose that a "nice apartment" was more important than being true to himself. That's ok, we are all agents of free will and choice, but every choice has a cost. An apartment and societal approval is more important to him. That's not boyfriend material if you ask me. You deserve better.
 
You are so better off without him in your life than in it unless you like the idea of lugging all of his baggage around.

The reasons he has given for not wanting to be gay are pitiful.

He is a coward.

As has been said, you can't fix him.
 
jn0125 said:
Well this guy at work who i've talked to actually told me the firt time the guy stopped talking to me, that he would call or text me for sure again, and he did. And now this time he has said the same thing that from what i have told him the guy will definatly call again. That it might take a while and that i would have to be patient but that he would def call again. He said "another shocking revelation, he's going to call again." So i said i hope so.
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And then what?
 
jn0125 said:
Why? Because i do want to keep seeing him. I like this guy allot. We both felt something real. Then what? Well i dont really know i guess do the same thing. He once asked me to be patient with him. I said i would be. So i guess it would just be me being patient seeing him on his terms. I dont care how that sounds, I like him like that enough to do that, to be in that position.
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Ok, fair enough. It sounds like you know what you are getting yourself into. I hope it works out well for you.
 
Be patient with him? While what? While he tries being straight (again)? For how long? A week, a month, a year? At which point, he'll see if he can be gay again, this time without feeling overwhelmed by guilt?

If that's the path you've chosen to follow, hey, good luck with it. But you're under no obligation to sit around waiting for him to sort out his life just because he'd like you to.

Lex
 
You don't need him. He's afraid like many others. Move forward and don't look back. People who hurt you don't deserve your time and energy. If you must feel obligated to continue being friends with him, spend less time together.
 
IF it were me, I would do this:

I'd tell him that I know about guys who are in their 60's (I do) who just realized that after all that time of living a 'straight' life, it wasn't for them. Now they're broken up with their wife, and they really have nobody. I'd tell him it's his choice what to do, and that there was no way that I'd wait around for him for more than a couple weeks to make a decision.
 
I'm beginning to think you two are made for each other.
 
How to put it nicely - ok there is no way will just have to say it bluntly. Dump him, cut your loss, cry and move on with life. Believe me there is more than 1 guy for you, unless you want to live life on a roller coaster.

I am old and experienced 56 so have been around the block a few times.
 
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