I feel like I can't help myself and no one can ever help me

[xboxfan34]

It's been quite a while after this past Valentines day where I was extremely close to committing suicide.....and part of me still wonders what I'm still doing here...I've posted a few times in the Advice section about my fear of being rejected by my own community because (at least I think) I'm ugly. The responses I got basically told me that I need to be more confident in myself, which in of itself doesn't sound like bad advice at all...


But I feel like I don't know how to be more confident. I'm still so lost and I can't figure it out...And I don't think I ever will. As much as I don't want to believe it, I think I'm a lost cause.

 

[aaggii]

You want to kill yourself because you´re ugly?

Have you tried seeing a therapist? Also, put a suicide hotline number in your phone and dont be afraid to use it each time you have such thoughts. I´d recommend writing here too, but sometimes people are a bit late in responding.

 

[xboxfan34]

I don't really know if I'm objectively ugly yet or not because people have told me that I'm decent looking...even though I don't agree with them.

I'm so fucking pathetic it's not even funny. Even if I am a good looking guy, who in their right mind, whether they're a bear or a twink would ever love, let alone have sex with a psychotic basket case who self harms and has thoughts of suicide?

 

[Seasoned]

You can pm me anytime. I think group therapy would help you a lot. You need support from other hurting people. You are not alone no matter what you may think when out in the world and surmising how much happier everyone else seems.

I suggest that you really work hard on stopping all negative thoughts regarding yourself. You're too vulnerable to deal with a litany of all that is supposedly wrong with you. Stop yourself every time.

 

[KaraBulut]

... my fear of being rejected by my own community because (at least I think) I'm ugly...

But I feel like I don't know how to be more confident. I'm still so lost and I can't figure it out...And I don't think I ever will. As much as I don't want to believe it, I think I'm a lost cause.

. I think group therapy would help you a lot.,.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy might also be beneficial in changing unhealthy thought patterns.

The bottom line is that there are limits to self-help. If you've tried and you don't feel like you're making progress, then it's time to seek professional help. Seeking help from a competent therapist is your best next step.

 

[aaggii]

I don't really know if I'm objectively ugly yet or not because people have told me that I'm decent looking...even though I don't agree with them.

I'm so fucking pathetic it's not even funny. Even if I am a good looking guy, who in their right mind, whether they're a bear or a twink would ever love, let alone have sex with a psychotic basket case who self harms and has thoughts of suicide?

Like I said, talk to someone, I would recommend a professional. In the same time, do things that make you feel better, volunteer at a shelter for example, where you get to help people - it will boost your self esteem. Take care of a dog, start baking, whatever you have an interest in, it keeps you busy so you won´t start overthinking. But most importantly, seek help, someone who can see you each week or so.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

But I feel like I don't know how to be more confident. I'm still so lost and I can't figure it out...And I don't think I ever will. As much as I don't want to believe it, I think I'm a lost cause.

Experience. That's what builds confidence. Not just good experiences help to get in touch with the right people, also the negative experiences in the gay world tend to prove tremendously useful.

Go out and do things. Now.

 

[IceColdLover]

Good advise. Wish I got good advise like you're getting.

I am in your shoes too, I know the struggles of thinking one's self is too "ugly" or unwanted by other gay men. The gay community is a cruel and hypocritical place. I should know, I get flack on the daily. Perhaps you shouldn't focus on sex at the moment, because it really does lead to disappointment, especially if it's hooking up, but focus on doing other things you like to do and feel better about yourself. Like the others said, therapy would help gather your mind and unbundle your inner conflicts.

 

[badbug]

I have struggled with the idea of my looks my entire life..........


The earliest i can remember having this issue was at the age of 5, i had just gotten a new sleeveless shirt that i thought was pretty cool and the other kids made fun of how skinny my arms were. I didn't run home crying, i hid my tears...atleast i remember hiding them.....

I am sure a normal child would have gotten over this but i wasn't a normal child. I had a mother that would always tell me how good looking and handsome i was......and also how skinny and pathetic i looked. I also had 4 older sisters that would always gush over me and how cute i was. These mixed messages really messed up my little brain.

Day 1 in kindergarten, i was already checking out the girls and living and dying by how much attention i got from them. What girls came to my little 6 year old birthday party and what girls didn't was a HUGE deal to me. I cleaned my room, so excitied, had my best toys on display and was pretty upset when the two girls i liked didn't seem all that interested in my lego runway....you know, for the japanese fighter planes..........


So, i am 34 now, and not a fu))king thing has changed. Except guys hurt me too now. So yay, everyone makes me feel worthless!

Sometimes i find it hard to go outside, i feel like everyone is judging me and i am failing......



I am just mentioning this, cause i have an idea of how you feel. I don't think i've really ever felt anything else, not for long enough anyways. Drugs and drinking help, if you know how to use them properly....


So i am not just saying this....I am not really even saying it to you, i am saying to myself really......cause i struggle with this everyday:

You have to get over it. You'll never be happy with your looks. You'll never be happy enough with how people react to your looks. Their are more important things in life. Their are more important things in life besides what other people think.
You don't need anyone. You are not for anyone. Be glad you don't have cancer. Be glad you aren't homeless. Be glad there are awesome t.v. shows like Rick and Morty. Be glad you love animals. Be glad food tastes F((King good and MMA can be awesome when it isn't boring.

There are a million other things.....you need to find your things. And you may need to accept, you might have some sort of issue with this that is deeper than perhaps the way normal people struggle with this type of thing. Getting over it, might just be accepting this is a battle you can't win and that their are more important battles you fight everyday. Like cherishing the small things and being thankful for the big ones, like oxygen and water and a lot of sh(t inbetween.

 

[xboxfan34]

I'm not a loner. I love being around other human beings and I love making new friends and acquaintances.

If I just get over it and "accept" that I'm ugly and I'll be a virgin until I die, I'll be more miserable and unfulfilled than I am now.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

^ My girlfriend Macy Gray has a message for you...

"Get up, get out
And do somethin'
Don't let the days of your life pass you by"

 

[TX-Beau]

Nothing will ever change unless you change it. No one is going to do that for you. No one.

Find a therapist, or a support group.

 

[tarallucci]

Well I'm not saying this just to cheer you up but you're not ugly and you look masculine.
What is the trait that you don't like specifically? I don't see anything unappealing in your picture to be honest.
You can count on me whenever you feel down and need to talk.