I feel profoundly unattractive

[sixthson]

I'm right there with you with certain things. I can get so much positive feedback and it doesn't make a dent. I even forget it. But all the negative sticks. And it's not like i want it, it just does. It keeps me up at night the small things that point to the contrary to my being attractive (or talented, or good, or whatever). Yet anything that's in favor of those qualities is often dismissed.


It's so deeply subconsciously rooted, I'm convinced no therapist will be able to combat it.

We love you. Does that count for anything?

 

[IamNoah]

Ah. You must like attention then.

Don't blame your parents. You're a grown man.

Have a good day.

You should consider blocking me. You are most likely going to find interacting with me to be an increasingly unpleasant experience on your end. I attempt to be kind and respectful in my interactions with others, but it takes an active effort on my part. I cannot imagine ever making such an effort with you again--not if you were at my feet gasping for air. This is the final civil response you will ever get from me anywhere. Feel free to stay out of my threads.

 

[IamNoah]

Do you look like one or both of your parents? Did you inherit their narcissism?

I think I look like them both. I do not think I'm any more of a narcissist than my peers--much less so than my mother who most nearly approaches Livia Soprano/Lady Macbeth.

 

[zombiekiller]

I am not one of those that will tell you you are beautiful. I've never seen you, so I have no idea what you look like. But here is my experience in life.

Before my boyfriend... probably should start calling him partner because he lives with me now and we share insurance policies and everything else... I a lot of guys in a spree of short term relationships and may be a couple long term. Before that phase, I was a loner as well. I didn't really know how to approach guys, didn't really know how to ask them out, and I certainly had absolutely no self-confidence. I also felt ugly and thought nobody would want me.

That all changed when one of my gay friends and I got really drunk one night and we shagged. After that, I slowly realized that what I felt wasn't real. Sure, I wasn't a super model like those magazine guys. Actually, I was downright ugly by their standards. But you know what, I was a real person, and if you are a real person there is always someone out there attracted to you.

I slowly gained the self-confidence to start going after guys. And once I started, I started getting into their pants. The number of no's was still higher than the number of yes', but in the end I got way more than what I started out with.

And unfortunately, once I started getting them, my standards started getting higher and higher. There was a time when I only dated guys with 6 packs. Then I realized that I was just preying on their insecurities as well.

I'm telling you this to let you know everyone is human. Yes, beautiful guys with 6 packs can be unsecured just like the rest of us. And if you are a real person, there is always someone out there for you. You are always beautiful to someone.

 

[IamNoah]

I'm right there with you with certain things. I can get so much positive feedback and it doesn't make a dent. I even forget it. But all the negative sticks. And it's not like i want it, it just does. It keeps me up at night the small things that point to the contrary to my being attractive (or talented, or good, or whatever). Yet anything that's in favor of those qualities is often dismissed.


It's so deeply subconsciously rooted, I'm convinced no therapist will be able to combat it.

I think you are quite handsome and very kind/insightful. I'm not strongly convinced that every bit of mental angst/discomfort needs to to be medicalized. Do you have a happy life (barring whatever insane/abusive rants go on in your head)?

 

[IamNoah]

I'm not fully convinced that feeling like the sexiest/most talented/whatever is a necessary condition for a big happy life.

 

[mbamike]

Change whatever you don't like about yourself or your environment. Don't just wallow in self-pity. Do something about. Change something to make your future brighter.

 

[sixthson]

I think I look like them both. I do not think I'm any more of a narcissist than my peers--much less so than my mother who most nearly approaches Livia Soprano/Lady Macbeth.

You know, Noah, due to your posting style, it's difficult to know when you are being serious and when you are being droll in a Karen Walker-ish way.

 

[IamNoah]

You know, Noah, due to your posting style, it's difficult to know when you are being serious and when you are being droll in a Karen Walker-ish way.

Well, I communicate as a literate, self-aware, middle class, twenty-something adult. I don't believe I've ever posted anything with an intention to merely amuse, nor do I think it's reasonable to interpret me as doing so here or elsewhere.

 

[zombiekiller]

Do you live alone? Do you work? Tell us more about yourself.

I've found that depression in people is often set off by what they do (or don't do) and where they live or who they live with.

 

[IamNoah]

Do you live alone? Do you work? Tell us more about yourself.

I've found that depression in people is often set off by what they do (or don't do) and where they live or who they live with.

1. Married. 2. Work from home mostly, though I have to go and see one of my least favorite clients in Phoenix next week. 3. I'm not depressed. I have a generally poor attitude towards my looks that was made worse today by a small triggering event. I feel really shitty, but I'm not one for huge North American emotions/disorders/labels.

 

[zombiekiller]

1. Married. 2. Work from home mostly, though I have to go and see one of my least favorite clients in Phoenix next week. 3. I'm not depressed. I have a generally poor attitude towards my looks that was made worse today by a small triggering event. I feel really shitty, but I'm not one for huge North American emotions/disorders/labels.

Married to a man or woman? If a woman, that explains a lot

 

[IamNoah]

No, no. I'm bisexual, homoemotional, and married to a man.

 

[JohnnyAnger]

Mediate a little bit and forget about the outside world for a while.

 

[kallipolis]

Self esteem is grown out of our experiences....our mistakes, our successes, our joys...it is a challenge that each of us works at to ensure that we learn to live comfortably with who we are....becoming....a daily exercise in patience, and a willingness to learn from ones experiences...that none is perfect...even those who appear confident with their appearance, and bank account..

 

[TheLoveableLoner]

We love you. Does that count for anything?

I'm loved by so many and that's something I appreciate. But the negative things seem to cling to my mind a bit more. It's not something I choose to do purposely, but it's always been that way. Reading Noah's words seemed so relatable there.

 

[-Kane-]

Would you rather be a female?

No one (in the real world) will challenge you on the rigors of being a gay man in any society, but here in the United States, females earn only .78 cents for every $1.00 their male counterparts earn in the workplace. Young female teenagers are often depressed and suicidal because of the need to be found sexually appealing to teenage males. As women age, they face misogyny in the workplace and a pressure to become a mother and a wife with fairytale endings.

I'm only trying to provide you with a little context. You are a MAN! Which means you're at the proverbial top of the food chain in society. Stop worrying your little heart like a teenage girl.........why? because you simply don't have to.

 

[IamNoah]

Would you rather be a female?

No one (in the real world) will challenge you on the rigors of being a gay man in any society, but here in the United States, females earn only .78 cents for every $1.00 their male counterparts earn in the workplace. Young female teenagers are often depressed and suicidal because of the need to be found sexually appealing to teenage males. As women age, they face misogyny in the workplace and a pressure to become a mother and a wife with fairytale endings.

I'm only trying to provide you with a little context. You are a MAN! Which means you're at the proverbial top of the food chain in society. Stop worrying your little heart like a teenage girl.........why? because you simply don't have to.

O God, reveling male privilege is not something I'm very likely to do.

 

[IamNoah]

Objectively, I've seen your pictures and I don't think you are ugly. I just didn't like your haircut

I missed this. No offense to anyone else who offered their support on my horrible day, but this is honestly the best response anyone has ever given to anything.

 

[TheLoveableLoner]

I think you are quite handsome and very kind/insightful. I'm not strongly convinced that every bit of mental angst/discomfort needs to to be medicalized. Do you have a happy life (barring whatever insane/abusive rants go on in your head)?

I'm not fully convinced that feeling like the sexiest/most talented/whatever is a necessary condition for a big happy life.

I have another thread ("Unhappiness and Indecisiveness") about my own struggles. They're very different than yours, though I definitely relate to you in that the negative always sucks and the positive tends to be easily shaken off.