I feel so used...

[lazydude92]

I feel used and stupid. I was dating this guy (K) and we had an argument and we had decided that we were going to just be friends until the fall when we were both living in the same city... well we were also still having sex. And i had explained to him that i was waiting for him to be comfortable and that I wasnt going to date anyone else cuz us having sex would kind of ruin that. And i explained to him that i was nervous that he was going to find someone closer to him and leave me behind while im still waiting for him. Well today we made plans to see each other Wednesday. Then he texted me saying that he went to the movies with a friend of mine i had met online and that the day before they had gotten coffee together. So i was a little cautious and asked K what was up and he said that they were strictly friends and that they just had a ton in common and were talking. And so I was talking to the friend and i asked him what happened at the movies and explained the whole story to him about me and K. He told me that during the movie K started groping and rubbing his thighs, legs, and groin... and that he was really uncomfortable and not okay with it, but didnt tell him to stop. So i confronted K and asked him whats up and K basically told me that we have been single since that argument and that he didnt know where i was getting that we would wait for eachother. So i asked him how exactly he justified going to a movie and groping some other guy knowing fully well that we were going to have sex wednesday, like was he planning on telling either of us about the other? K just said that he didnt want to handle all this crap and that the new city was going to be a fresh start and then told me that everything he thought about me was true and that I will never find someone because of my self confidence issues and that he liked me but all of his apprehensions about me were true. Then he unfriended me on facebook and blacklisted my number on his phone. I just feel used and like shit. Like idk y, like i feel dumb because for a second i thought that we could be something and that wasnt the case for him... Idk i cant cry because i just feel numb to everything and i feel worthless... and no matter what I dont want to go back to being single and having to watch everyone else be happy. All it does is depress me and make me hate myself more than ever....

 

[rollex_2000]

Sounds like you gotta let it go. And no nobody used you, you tripped on the bananna peel that you threw yourself. Your ex bf should actually ge irritated with you being so nosy and confrontational. One thing I assure you, you can always find somebody else.
Relax, take a deep breath and let it gol

 

[hylas]

man, im sorry you guys broke up. but i cant help but think: told you. make sure the two of you are on the same page when it comes to the monogamy thing. it reads like you didnt do that. time to move on, better luck (and decision making) next time!

He told me that during the movie K started groping and rubbing his thighs, legs, and groin... and that he was really uncomfortable and not okay with it, but didnt tell him to stop.

oh please. bullshit.

... and that I will never find someone because of my self confidence issues and that he liked me but all of his apprehensions about me were true.

wow. did he really say you wont find anyone? what an asshole, youre better off without him.

 

[rareboy]

I was dating this guy (K) and we had an argument and we had decided that we were going to just be friends until the fall when we were both living in the same city... well we were also still having sex.

First mistake. You should have moved on at that point.

And i had explained to him that i was waiting for him to be comfortable and that I wasnt going to date anyone else cuz us having sex would kind of ruin that. And i explained to him that i was nervous that he was going to find someone closer to him and leave me behind while im still waiting for him.

Second mistake. You were just dictating terms. In any relationship, both parties have to be on the same page.

Then he texted me saying that he went to the movies with a friend of mine i had met online and that the day before they had gotten coffee together. So i was a little cautious and asked K what was up and he said that they were strictly friends and that they just had a ton in common and were talking.

And.....so what?

And so I was talking to the friend and i asked him what happened at the movies and explained the whole story to him about me and K. He told me that during the movie K started groping and rubbing his thighs, legs, and groin... and that he was really uncomfortable and not okay with it, but didnt tell him to stop.

And...........so what? And why is you 'friend' telling you this?

So i confronted K

Third mistake.

K basically told me that we have been single since that argument and that he didnt know where i was getting that we would wait for eachother. So i asked him how exactly he justified going to a movie and groping some other guy knowing fully well that we were going to have sex wednesday, like was he planning on telling either of us about the other?

So, hopefully you now know that fucking someone shouldn't be confused with fidelity or commitment.

K just said that he didnt want to handle all this crap and that the new city was going to be a fresh start and then told me that everything he thought about me was true and that I will never find someone because of my self confidence issues and that he liked me but all of his apprehensions about me were true. Then he unfriended me on facebook and blacklisted my number on his phone.

Are you more hurt about what he said or being unfriended on Facespacebookpagemytwitter? You have to admit, that by this time, when he finds that what he thought was a 'friends with benefits' arrangement isn't that at all, that he might look at you as being batshit crazy?

I just feel used and like shit. Like idk y, like i feel dumb because for a second i thought that we could be something and that wasnt the case for him...

You weren't used. You were a participant in using a failed relationship to maintain convenient sex and 'friendship'. Except you seemed to see it as nothing different than it was before you had 'the argument'. As I read it, the ex never swore the same oath as you and there was no exclusivity clause.

Were you foolish? Yes. Did you make a huge mistake? Yes. But you can learn from this.

and no matter what I dont want to go back to being single and having to watch everyone else be happy. All it does is depress me and make me hate myself more
than ever....

So you'd rather have some dysfunctional left-over relationship sex than to be alone.

The last line is the key to everything. You need real counselling help. To help you figure out why you self-loathing leads you to make bad choices. Why you create a fantasy that everything is going to be okay and go your way, even when it shouldn't. You need some coaching, I think, to avoid this type of neurotic behaviour.

Seriously. Seek out some professional assistance or pursue a self-help course of action to help you change the things about yourself that you can change and to become a happy person.

Because, otherwise, sadly your ex-bf is right. You will struggle to find someone who can tolerate your self-hatred
without feeling like it is consuming them as well.

 

[racer2438]

Seems most of this was caused by your insecurity, which is one of the major things that breaks up relationships.

It seems he had a understanding that there was no deal to wait, but you seem to think there was, who's right?

So only thing to do is move on and continue with your life. It looks like he is going to move on.

 

[racer2438]

First mistake. You should have moved on at that point.



Second mistake. You were just dictating terms. In any relationship, both parties have to be on the same page.



And.....so what?



And...........so what? And why is you 'friend' telling you this?



Third mistake.



So, hopefully you now know that fucking someone shouldn't be confused with fidelity or commitment.



Are you more hurt about what he said or being unfriended on Facespacebookpagemytwitter? You have to admit, that by this time, when he finds that what he thought was a 'friends with benefits' arrangement isn't that at all, that he might look at you as being batshit crazy?



You weren't used. You were a participant in using a failed relationship to maintain convenient sex and 'friendship'. Except you seemed to see it as nothing different than it was before you had 'the argument'. As I read it, the ex never swore the same oath as you and there was no exclusivity clause.

Were you foolish? Yes. Did you make a huge mistake? Yes. But you can learn from this.



So you'd rather have some dysfunctional left-over relationship sex than to be alone.

The last line is the key to everything. You need real counselling help. To help you figure out why you self-loathing leads you to make bad choices. Why you create a fantasy that everything is going to be okay and go your way, even when it shouldn't. You need some coaching, I think, to avoid this type of neurotic behaviour.

Seriously. Seek out some professional assistance or pursue a self-help course of action to help you change the things about yourself that you can change and to become a happy person.

Because, otherwise, sadly your ex-bf is right. You will struggle to find someone who can tolerate your self-hatred
without feeling like it is consuming them as well.

^^^^^^^
Also VERY WELL said..

 

[slnattak]

Honey, it sounds like this was broken before it was started. A man should exhilarate and excite you. Meeting this special person should fill you up with so much excitement at all the possibilities and opportunities for you! That's what a great relationship feels like. It's like you both were dreading this and it's like you both were trudging your feet along in the mud... and I'm not really sensing any friendly rapport or connection either.

You can't cry because there was nothing to cry over anyway. It was empty. Again, it was broken before it even began.

What are some of your interests? You probably just need more friends and to get to know people more slowly over time.

 

[Hot White Trash]

I don't see where you were used. He was a dick, but everybody can be a dick. You have to explain to yourself that he revealed his true self before you invested too much time with him and did you a favor. My ex took 3 months to show he was a jerk and I just wish he had done it earlier.

 

[conrad]

Hey, that is what happens when individuals are looking out only for their own interests.

One could make the point that you were also using another person.

Ideally, it all begins with plain honest friendship,in which there is a lot of give and take. But f;riendshp can become more than just friendship. Some may call it falling in love. I prefer to see it a two persons together with each seeking the good of the other for the sake of the other rather than one's own.

That's the kind of bonding where sex happens because both parties want and need it. The sex has a way of confirming the bond of love that already exists and that kind of sex, IMHO, is fantastic.

We all have the animal urges that point us in the direction of sex. Some of us have been fortunate in finding someone with whom we are emotionally involved. There really never needs to be any seduction, or coercion. Each person gives of himself and enjoys the sweet communion of sex which has as its underpinning the consent not only of the animal urges, but the mind and affections as well.

Some follks will settle for the thrills of sex and many find partners who want no more themselves. IMHO, the best, the Gold Standard, is still the sex that comes with a committed loving relaitonship. And, my question is: Why settle for less.]>