I feel very sad over a guy online

[RaKroma]

I know this is probably the 100th post of a similar situation, but I'm just letting it out. I met this guy on adam4adam and he was just special. I never in my entire time being on that site found a guy that I connected so well with in such a short time and we both managed to carry deeper conversations than the usual "you wanna fuck now?" etc.. So we have been talking for less than a week. He even asked me if I was interested to go to the park together or what movies I'd be interested to see.

Today I saw his message where he asked me to give him my email because he wanted to send me something. But he never emailed anything. Then he asked if we ever exchanged our phone numbers cause he didn't remember and I said no, so I gave him my cell and email. This past weekend didn't work out to meet up, so I asked him if he is free during weekdays after work, but he never replied. I just assumed he is busy getting ready for Monday's work or just forgot the question.

So anyway, I was on adam4adam and went to shower and saw that he was still online. When I came back from the shower, I noticed that he deleted his account there.

So, now I don't have his contact info but he has my email and cell. I don't have a clue why he would delete his account or why he didn't tell me anything or at least a good bye. We had no fights or misunderstandings of anything. I just feel bit confused and hurt about the situation. My only hope is that he will contact me, and just deleted his account cause he was tired of that site.

It's just I'm saying to myself how could he delete his account without at least saying good bye after all the friendly, positive, funny, flirty conversations we had there. I assumed that we would be meeting up sometime soon to go to the movies or the park. I guess I'm the type of person who gets attached to good people fast, but others are not like me. Ugh, that's why I'm exhausted with trying this online stuff. After all the crap you sift through to find a decent guy to connect with, then this happens.

(P.S. Andy if by any chance you're also on JUB lol and might stumble on this thread, please contact me. I laughed hard out our Marry Poppins conversation.)

 

[IllgetyouHackman]

Had something similar happen...connected with this guy really well we talked for a week and half, but every time I tried to meet there was some excuse, so the game went on. Then after talking on skype one night he had a "confession" turned out his pics were not his, and he was the complete opposite to what I found attractive. Just a thought, maybe there is some deceit.

 

[TheOscar]

Yeah, it's the online-world. I'm a bit paranoid about about meeting people online, mainly because I feel some can be lying, too. But just forget it; he's a flaky dude and there may have been some deceit, like IllgetyouHackman said. If he wishes, he'll contact you.

 

[Taralen]

I been using adam4adam for years. All I get are messages to meet up at some local motel 6. No guy on there is looking for a relationship.

 

[play69]

I am really sad to hear about what happen but I hope you know that even we are strangers around here some of us do care =D

 

[Cedric]

I'm sorry to hear about your experience. It seems like corresponding with someone for one week isn't long enough to decide that you have a special connection with them, though. You might want to try getting to know a few people first before fixating on one. Strike up conversations with 4-5 guys at once, and avoid thinking of any one of them as being "the one" until much later.

I'm actually wary of guys I meet online who come on too strong too fast, because in my experience, those are the ones who become resentful of me when I fail to live up to their expectations. A few weeks ago, a guy messaged me on a4a, and simply because I replied (I guess most guys don't even do that), he decided that I was special and wonderful. He friended me, and I friended him. After only 2 days of messaging with him and him expressing the wish to meet in person quite urgently, I said that there was something I needed to be honest about, and I told him something that I know is a dealbreaker for a lot of guys. I said, "If you are not okay with this, I completely understand, and we can just be friends." He thanked me for being honest and said that he wasn't interested, but we could just be friends. When I checked back the next day, he had unfriended me, and he didn't respond to a friendly "What's up?" message from me.

Now, from the other guy's perspective it probably looked like this: He would probably tell you that he met this really great guy online, and they found out they were soul-mates, but this guy strung him along for ages and ages without being honest about something, and now he knows that all guys are jerks and fakes... and why even bother now, etc., etc., etc.

I'm not implying that you are quite as extreme as this guy, but if you hold off on your expectations until much later, you may be able to avoid building up these idealized visions of what any one guy is like. Get to know a bunch of guys slowly, and you will get to know them well.

 

[RaKroma]

Get to know a bunch of guys slowly, and you will get to know them well.

This is the problem. I actually try to get to know people there slowly through conversations, but no one has interest or patience for platonic conversations, they just want to get to the point of when you're going to come and have sex. When I started talking to this guy, I just thought "ohh another a4a" case where after 5 back and forth sweet messages they get tired of you if you don't start scheduling a hook up meetup. But he turned out very different and I saw that. But ohh well, maybe in 2 months of same old messages, there will be someone similar to him who has more motives than just hooking up. (By the way, I wasn't expecting him to be my soul mate or having a serious relationship at all.)

 

[Cedric]

This is the problem. I actually try to get to know people there slowly through conversations, but no one has interest or patience for platonic conversations, they just want to get to the point of when you're going to come and have sex.

That's been my experience in 90% of the cases, too. I agree with loki that looking for guys elsewhere might be a better bet if you are looking for more than a quick hookup. I think the reason why a4a and other similar sites are like that is because there seems to be a lot of straight men on them who are on the "down low." Don't get me wrong; I've had some good experiences with those men, and I don't judge them, but they are not good at getting to know someone before hooking up.

Don't worry. Things will pick up for you!

 

[swerveNY]

I echo all the points above. I no longer have any expectations from the guys I talk to on A4A. There was this one guy who wanted to chat more before meeting up and I thought that was a great idea. It was exactly what I wanted. But he was never willing to set a date and time for the actual meeting. He seemed to be real, exchanged face pics with me, and showed me his facebook profile. So even if you have good conversations with guy who also isn't interested in a hookup, he won't necessarily go through with meeting in person.

Have you tried okCupid? I had more success carrying on conversations on that site and the guys there are less interested in a hookup.

 

[GreggS]

Sorry to hear about that, I would be suspicious if you gave him your number but he didn't give you his. I wouldn't have given him my cell number. Get a google voice number. Its free and when you call it, all the texts and calls go straight to your cell without giving a stranger your personal number. I hate to be so defensive, but you have to be careful.

 

[RaKroma]

Sorry to hear about that, I would be suspicious if you gave him your number but he didn't give you his. I wouldn't have given him my cell number. Get a google voice number. Its free and when you call it, all the texts and calls go straight to your cell without giving a stranger your personal number. I hate to be so defensive, but you have to be careful.

Ohh great, thanks I'll check it out. What's the worst thing that can happen if I give out my cell like in this situation? When you start to trust a guy based on the conversations, you let your guard down Like I did. I expected that he would give me his number as well after his "exchange" comment.

 

[Seasoned]

It's difficult when you get your hopes up and there is a strong connection. Remember, no matter how you initially meet someone that person is one dimensional until you get the full picture. Also some guys play around even if they're in a relationship, or if they are fighting with a bf.

Twenty-eight years ago I was playing cat and mouse with a guy. After several frustration weeks I gave him my contact information. A week or two after I gave up on him the phone rang and we've been together ever since.

 

[RaKroma]

Have you tried okCupid? I had more success carrying on conversations on that site and the guys there are less interested in a hookup.

I registered for okcupid last week, so still trying to feel the atmosphere out and figure out how that thing really works. I already noticed there 4 guys I see on A4A. lol I answered like a gazillion random questions and hopefully these % they generate on match compatibility is closer to accurate and not just a gimmick.

Twenty-eight years ago I was playing cat and mouse with a guy. After several frustration weeks I gave him my contact information. A week or two after I gave up on him the phone rang and we've been together ever since.

WoW what a great story! I'm happy it has worked out well for you.