I fucking hate living here...

[MrPerfectMan]

I grew up and live in a cold, remote part of the country. Most of my family is not pro-gay, and the town I live in is small and typically not that pro-gay either. I'm tired of the same old, same old. The gay community here is a small subset of the community, and in my opinion toxic. Whenever I travel I hate returning so much. I just got back from a trip to SoCal and my emotions are all over the place. The more I leave on vacations the harder it is to come back.

It's not easy as pie to get a job out of state when you're not living there. In fact the job market is much better here on average than other places. I have enough of a job history and connections that I could stay here for life and have a well paying job until I retire.

But I'm not happy. I realize that maybe if my family growing up had been pro-gay and I'd felt more comfortable, that probably would change my outlook a lot, but I dunno. I nearly thought about just quitting my job and moving and living on savings until hopefully I'd find something somewhere else, but nothing in life is guaranteed. And I know it's easy to have rose colored glasses on while on vacation, but I just don't know how to get out of this funk. I hate it here.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Move. 10chars

 

[JohnnyAnger]

Yeah have to agree with Harke, move - don't stand for shit, just because it's safe.

 

[miaedu]

I'll be the first one to point out all the negatives about living in Miami but…

while the rest of the country is freezing, it's a sunny 72F right now

we have a thriving gay community without it being a gay ghetto like Wilton Manors/Fort Lauderdale. if you prefer that, it's only 20-30 minutes north

depending on your profession, there's plenty of opportunity here since we are still a growing city

 

[goldenmoth]

There's always jobs somewhere, trust me you can do it!

I was in the same situation. Grew up in a horrific anti gay small country town but I moved to the city and I've never been happier and honestly I've discovered a lot more about myself since removing myself from a stifling environment. Sometimes it's difficult to realise just how much environments like that are controlling you until you are free

 

[G-Lexington]

It's very easy to become comfortable in your safety zone. But it sounds like you're ready to pull up stakes. You may not land your dream job, or even a great job, to start out with, but I'm guessing you'll eventually get to a place that you'll never be able to thank your past-self enough for making that move.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

move. 10chars

qft.........

 

[TheLoveableLoner]

Move. 10chars

Yep.

Living somewhere you hate takes a toll on you. Believe me.

 

[blackbeltninja]

It's very easy to become comfortable in your safety zone. But it sounds like you're ready to pull up stakes. You may not land your dream job, or even a great job, to start out with, but I'm guessing you'll eventually get to a place that you'll never be able to thank your past-self enough for making that move.

Lex

I hope to take this advice myself in 2015, so I'll thank you in advance for it.

-d-

 

[MisterB]

IMO, you can answer this question by asking yourself another -- What if?

Twenty years from now, will you be asking yourself this question if you don't move?

Regardless, best wishes to you. I've been there.

As cliche as it may sound, it is true that 'Life is too short not to be happy.'

 

[rareboy]

I hope to take this advice myself in 2015, so I'll thank you in advance for it.

-d-

So Dale...where are you thinking of moving?

 

[nycguydowntown]

Life is too short--you can't live in a place you hate---come up with a plan and move ---but do it at your own pace.

 

[MrPerfectMan]

I'll be the first one to point out all the negatives about living in Miami but…

while the rest of the country is freezing, it's a sunny 72F right now

we have a thriving gay community without it being a gay ghetto like Wilton Manors/Fort Lauderdale. if you prefer that, it's only 20-30 minutes north

depending on your profession, there's plenty of opportunity here since we are still a growing city

I've thought of SoCal. My bestie lives there, which was why I was just there. To see her. Also of course it's a huge place and there are guys all over the place. Wouldn't want just any of them, but there are definitely more to choose from! lol

 

[Taz]

Reminds of of that saying about not being a tree.

 

[zoltanspawn]

Pretty much total consensus. No doubt your move will involve challenges and very possibly some sort of failure. Doesn't matter. You should do it anyway.

And you should also keep us posted. Good for us, good for you.

 

[Rubber Rat]

Save up some money, conduct internet research on where you would like to live/jobs and then move.

 

[Kyanimal]

No matter where You go, or what You do, there YOU are! You can't escape Yourself.

However, you CAN change everything else!

If you are truly that unhappy about where you live, as Taz pointed out, you're not a tree. You have the ability to pick up your roots, and move.

You have the choice of being with an unhappy You, or taking some chances to make Yourself more enjoyable to be "stuck" with!

In any case ... and ... No Matter What ... Seriously ...

Keep Smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[jdcnow]

I completely identify with you - I'm gay, and from an ass-backwards small country town in Texas. In my case, I didn't have the financial means to move away - no job paid enough to where you could actually save up money to move away on. I'm so glad I met my friends - they had to move back to Dallas for the girlfriend's job. Best decision I ever made, and it would literally alter the course of the rest of my life.

I have a place of my own, I go to school, I've gotten medical problems addressed - both physical and psychiatric. I have so much to live for now, that never would have happened, had I not moved away.

True enough, there are no promises nor guarantees in life, and it's scary to truly be out on your own. Getting to where I am in my life hasn't been without work or struggle, but I'm so fortunate to have what I have. And it was because I moved away to the city, when the opportunity was presented to me. I took it, and ran with it.

I wish you well, whatever you decide. But it sounds like you really need to get the hell out of Dodge, into a far more gay-positive environment.

 

[HunterM]

No risks...no rewards.

Start looking for jobs in cities you would like to move to. You may not find it today. But keep looking. Start making small steps toward living the life you want.

Best of luck, man!

 

[MrPerfectMan]

I tried a year ago and ended up not following through. I still want to to it obviously, and will.