I fucking hate living here...

[nyctopgam]

I grew up and live in a cold, remote part of the country. Most of my family is not pro-gay, and the town I live in is small and typically not that pro-gay either. I'm tired of the same old, same old. The gay community here is a small subset of the community, and in my opinion toxic. Whenever I travel I hate returning so much. I just got back from a trip to SoCal and my emotions are all over the place. The more I leave on vacations the harder it is to come back.

It's not easy as pie to get a job out of state when you're not living there. In fact the job market is much better here on average than other places. I have enough of a job history and connections that I could stay here for life and have a well paying job until I retire.

But I'm not happy. I realize that maybe if my family growing up had been pro-gay and I'd felt more comfortable, that probably would change my outlook a lot, but I dunno. I nearly thought about just quitting my job and moving and living on savings until hopefully I'd find something somewhere else, but nothing in life is guaranteed. And I know it's easy to have rose colored glasses on while on vacation, but I just don't know how to get out of this funk. I hate it here.

Daffyd? Daffyd Thomas??

 

[thewiz]

I, too, grew up in a part of the country -- mid-Michigan -- where there was no gay scene. The only two "out" gays owned a party store and they did outlandish things to bring in the straights to gawk (such as mowing in pink speedos). When they sold, they took out a full page ad in the local paper to thank everyone for making them rich! lol!

My choices were limited in Grand Rapids and Lansing, particularly as I was deciding to come out after so many years in the closet. I can thank some guys on JUB for advising me to go to Chicago for a weekend to see what gay life might be like. They also sent me to Steamworks, and I continue to thank them for that advice!

I could have remained where I was, very financially comfortable with the white picket fence, a house on two acres, two beautiful children and quite high respect in the community. However, inside I was miserable and was wishing I would die of a heart attack or even contemplated suicide. The weekend in Chicago showed me there was life and I would be accepted. While I made several calls to advise groups I might be retiring and looking for employment, out of the blue I was offered a job in Washington, DC with an organization for which I had been on the board and volunteered. I took the job and moved and have loved every minute since. I quite remember flying back to DC in December of 2005 (I began the journey out in June of that year). As I flew in, I saw the monuments, the capitol and the city and thought, "I'm home." Up until that time, I had said that when flying back to Michigan for each of the kids sporting events, dance routines, and parent-teacher conferences (never missed one).

Today I'm married (to a man), my kids love him and so have most of my family members; even one who I thought would have the hardest time accepting. Many of the friends I had have looked me up and accepted the change (those that didn't -- who cares). I am on a number of boards and groups advocating gay rights and find myself quite involved in my new city. While I did lose a third of my pension to the ex-wife, I am now working on the second!

It was scary as hell, particularly at my age, to step out. I shall never forget the weight and pressure taken off when I could be who I was and not worry (as well as liking men very much!) I concur with the previous writers -- be happy.

 

[MrPerfectMan]

Thank you all for your stories, they are all really touching and it's nice to know many have been in the same boat. I am actually being offered two different jobs here in AK. I think I will take them till May, and when the snow is gone, jam pack my car full of my stuff and hop on a ferry down to Washington. That way during that time I can save up money from that job and try to get debt free all while applying to jobs down there as well. Just an idea anyway. I suppose it would be sooner if I got a job set in stone down there, but at least I kind of have a plan, and that helps.

No I am not Daffyd or Thomas. lol

 

[goldenmoth]

That's great mrperfectman, I wish you all the best!

 

[blackbeltninja]

So Dale...where are you thinking of moving?

I have a couple of local and international options on paper. Exploring at present to see whether any of them exist in practice.

-d-

 

[ronboy]

I love living in Western New York, 400 miles from New York City, and 150 miles from Toronto, Ontario.
We have cold and snow, in abundance, from November to April (and yes, we did have a snow storm one Mothers' Day!)

But, we have no major earthquakes, tornadoes, or hurricanes.
We don't majorly flood out every spring.
Summers are never too hot, we can manage to have some hot and humid days.

Rochester has a thriving LGBT population. On the whole, people are accepting and friendly here.

 

[mikey3000]

Western New York is an awesome region. I will be living there one day.

 

[JPGhost]

although I believe in how fate works but I dont believe it locked down your ability to move...

 

[MrPerfectMan]

although I believe in how fate works but I dont believe it locked down your ability to move...

So essentially you believe in circumstances outside of our control that affect our decision-making...makes sense to me. I already said why I basically picked SoCal tho, because my bestie lives there. Tho I would consider other places, I would like to at least know one person to a town I move to.

 

[JPGhost]

^
Seattle, Portland and SF could make a list

Seattle is one of the best city to find a job, just sayin
and very "green" for gay lifestyle. Im a foreigner/basic but my sex life thrive very well in here

 

[MrPerfectMan]

I did just realize my old high school president lives in Denver, which is a place I've always wanted to see. I would imagine it would be a lot like Alaska but a lot more sunny and temperate. But he also is like a cross between a cheesy politician and Ginnifer Goodwin from Once Upon A Time. LOL

 

[Kyanimal]

Denver is one of my favorite cities, and has a lively gay community.

The Rockie's, just to the west, are Awesome!

However, I've never been there in Winter ...

 

[USEDCAR]

I know the feeling i live in South Jersey. Where i live at is a poor county and there's really no opportunities around here, jobs are hard to come by if your willing to commute. Gay life sucks here big time its really for straight families here. I am getting older and watching my straight friends and people i went to high school with getting engaged and bouncing in and out of relationships does get depressing and take a toll on me. Plus i hate the cold


Yes get on the ball research different cities you want to move too and join City-Data.com to get an idea about different cities, use indeed to search jobs and use trulia for housing it tells you whats the house is next too and crime info . I am working on moving to Florida so i got a couple of relocation packages and guides for free from different cities around the state giving me general info about their city and what to do and how to move.

Goodluck!