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I got a job! And I want to quit.

Disturbance said:
We were together for a year and a half.

And we split this year February. He said very hurtful things to me that weren't true, and he blamed his failiures on me.
Click to expand...

sorry to hear that


were you guys in a monogamous relationship?

was there any cheating involved?
 
Disturbance said:
We were together for a year and a half.

And we split this year February. He said very hurtful things to me that weren't true, and he blamed his failiures on me.
Click to expand...

To be honest it sounds like you're planning a failure and hoping to blame it on him.

When you lose your dream job, it will give you something else to hold onto that he did to you.

For the sake of his career, look for work elsewhere.
 
Disturbance said:
What should I do?
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I second Seasoned's advice. Get your psych on the phone, ASAP. Honestly, I would at least ride it out for a few more days and see how it goes, especially if you need the money. If this is just a job for a little extra income, I could see how quitting would make sense, on an emotional level.

From a practical point of view, I would say keep the job and focus hard on your training. Jobs can be hard to come by and this job might be useful on your resume, even moreso if you are done with college. I couldn't tell if you had graduated or not.

Good luck!
 
altlover85 said:
I second Seasoned's advice. Get your psych on the phone, ASAP. Honestly, I would at least ride it out for a few more days and see how it goes, especially if you need the money. If this is just a job for a little extra income, I could see how quitting would make sense, on an emotional level.

From a practical point of view, I would say keep the job and focus hard on your training. Jobs can be hard to come by and this job might be useful on your resume, even moreso if you are done with college. I couldn't tell if you had graduated or not.

Good luck!
Click to expand...

My Psych is in Prague at vacation right now.
I did go back today and I gave myself another chance. When I arrived I've seen him leave, so today I didn't have to suffer his presence. I don't know if I can pull through with this, but I will definitely keep my eyes open, for better jobs.

It turned out that not only is my ex one of my co-workers, but several of my childhood bullies are employed there as well, a few of them in mentor positions. It is all so humiliating.

bankside said:
To be honest it sounds like you're planning a failure and hoping to blame it on him.

When you lose your dream job, it will give you something else to hold onto that he did to you.

For the sake of his career, look for work elsewhere.
Click to expand...

It is not a dream job, it is an opportunity. A fine one.

johaninsc said:
sorry to hear that


were you guys in a monogamous relationship?

was there any cheating involved?
Click to expand...

He did cheat, and left me for the new guy. We were monogamous, they have an open relationship, but they try to make it look as if it is monogamous. He goes out of his way to let me know that he is very happy in his new monogamous relationship.
 
Good luck with whatever you decide to do then.

I deleted a previous remark since you answered that question about what you decided to do.

Most of us have had to face touch times and difficult people and situations. Facing them prepares us for the next challenge in life. AND there will be other challenges. None of us wins at everything, sometimes we lose. This is the reality of life.
 
sixthson said:
Since you seem to have made up your mind what you were going to do before you ever started this thread, why did you ask us what to do? So, what did you do?
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I went back in, and I will go back again tomorrow. And I pray I never see him again.
 
Disturbance said:
I went back in, and I will go back again tomorrow. And I pray I never see him again.
Click to expand...

You probably will see him again. Prove to him that you are a bigger man and you won't be intimidated by him...even if you feel intimidated on the inside. Be stong!
 
sixthson said:
You probably will see him again. Prove to him that you are a bigger man and you won't be intimidated by him...even if you feel intimidated on the inside. Be stong!
Click to expand...

I gave him a killer glance, that melt the smile off his face, but my heart was beating like a war drum.
 
Disturbance said:
It is not a dream job, it is an opportunity. A fine one.
Click to expand...
I stand corrected:
bankside said:
To be honest it sounds like you're planning a failure and hoping to blame it on him.

When you lose your [STRIKE]dream job[/STRIKE] fine employment opportunity, it will give you something else to hold onto that he did to you.
Click to expand...

I'm glad you went back, and I'm glad you have given yourself a chance to slow down and think these things through instead of just reacting in the moment.

From what you say, your ex lacks compassion and integrity. I'm sorry you were treated badly. If you are surrounded by negative people, then thinking about a new job is a good idea. But finding a new job first is much better than making yourself unemployed and hoping something better will come along.

I also think before you try dating again, spend more time with your psychologist and give yourself more time to recover from things like childhood bullying. Bullying is awful to endure as a child, but it can also affect a person's happiness and self-confidence, and it can change their behaviour, in ways that make it difficult for them to be in a relationship. You will find better, healthier people to date than your ex, and you will bring more to the relationship yourself, if you take time to heal and to work on yourself.
 
He blamed his failure on you because that's what a failure does. This is your opportunity to show him that you are over him and he can't hold you back.
 
Hi disturbance,

Being in a position where you have to work with people you knew romantically or people you knew from childhood who were not kind to you is not easy.

I know this very well, I've worked in a health office with people from my past. It wasn't the easiest, coming in and constantly being reminded of the past. There were days when it got so rough that I wanted to quit on the spot but I ignored it.

I took all the wasted energy and focused on doing the work which kept me busy and mostly out of the office. My superiors saw my work and anyone who was visibily trying to shit on my work became visible to them. They eventually left or were reprimanded.

If your ex is harassing you; don't give him any opportunities to do so. Make good friends in the office. Stay away from troublemakers and try not to converse of be around them privately... in an office setting this can be difficult.

It never gets easy but you learn how to adapt and find good coping mechanisms. Especially if they are good ones, not drinking or resorting to gossip. Ick.

Still, when I got my managerial position it was tougher on me because there was that instinct to lash out for past grievances to my fellow workers. Thankfully I had friends who steered me away from that and other managers who had experience in dealing with those feelings.

If you have set goals and friends who will give you a shoulder to cry/vent on then you should be good.

Make a timeline for what you hope to achieve there, what you want to learn and how much time to do it in. If at some point you realize that you are not getting what you want from there, let your superiors know.

They may move you somewhere else... another office, another position, etc.

But you must put in the effort first, running away won't get you anywhere. There will always be a bully somewhere in your life, no matter what.

Anyway, good luck and peace! :)
 
If you can not separate your x boy friend from your current working conditions you would be wise to resign promptly. Revenge and drama have no place in a new place of employment. You will look bad, it will follow you in references from a employer. The shorter time you are there the less need you will need to use this position in your resume. If you break bad causing a scene or multiple scenes your supervisors will note and document this. If you leave now they won't likely remember any issues just the job didn't work out. This is better than being terminated and a problem.
Also the point should be made that your x bf is dealing with the fact you are now at his place of employment daily. It is a 2 way street, likely he isn't very comfortable either and would prefer to just have you stay clear so he can earn a paycheck and not go down in flames with things which are very petty to a employers goal of a thriving business.
There are sometimes when self preservation means running, this from what I read in your post is the time to do.
 
Playing out interpersonal grudges at work is a good way to get fired. Management isn't going to care who "hurt" who back in February if it's you making faces and creating a drama now.
 
Sorry for the necromancy.

Update:

I quit the job, and as a result I had to deal with a lot of crap from my parents, who don't care about why I did it, even though they know everything. I spent the rest of the summer taking occasional jobs and working on my new blog, developing my skills in C and java, and doing a lot of self-reflection. My therapist returned from her vacation, and we discussed this issue at length, but she had nothing helpful to say. He said that in my position she might have done the very same thing, but it is easier for her, becasue she doesn't have a boss, neither does she live with her parents.

I have very low self esteem, and I have constant troubles with my parents, as I started to confront them about issues during my childhood. (I come from a very abusive household) As a result I realized, that my parents can't be reasoned with, and that they will always put their ego and status before my well-being, as they always have. I started making plans to get out of the household, so I focus on my studies as much as possible, and also started working out to boost my self esteem and they way I feel about myself.

I had a sense of lack of worth for the past 4 years now, and I want to change that. The death of a close relative made me aware that life is too short to waste it on people who only bring me down, and use me to satisfy themselves with no regard for me.
 
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