I had sex for the first time this weekend!!!

[1208Rob]

is it just screwing around??? or is it something more??? i just can't tell...

and with this other guy, i don't even know what's happening...we talk every single day...thru texts...sometimes on the phone...and seriously we both like the same exact things, we have the same views on life, we have SOOO much in common and being around him makes me feel really good...he's not a very touchy feely person, and he always hugs me and we went to a scary movie once and we like held on to eachother and shit...i dunno it's confusing...because we haven't established that we like eachother...we're just friends right now...but sometimes i hint and i don't know if he's hinting though...it's hard to tell...but i'm just going to let things go the way they are going and just go with the flow!!!

but i don't want to be a two timer at the same time!!!!

aaaah!!!!

 

[Eeyore]

Coming from someone around your age, all I can really tell you is to think long and hard about what's going to make you happy, and then talk to both of them about it.

If being with the old guy is what's going to make you happiest, talk to him and see if you can make it a possibility. If, on the other hand, you find yourself wanting to be with the new guy, tell the other one what's going on, and that you can't really be "with" him and the new guy at once. If you still want to be friends, you can try for that, but bouncing back and forth isn't going to do anyone any good in the long run.

 

[Just_Believe18]

It comes down to a choice:

1. Friend with benefits?
or
2. Other guy with potential relationship?

What do you want in life?

 

[Binicorn]

it very well could be that...It's just I try so hard to get over him..and it doesn't work...and there was a period of almost six months where we didnt talk and or fuck around or anything...and i thought for sure it was over...and the all of the sudden a few weeks ago (he) contacted me and wanted to hook up like we always did...I was actually upset at first and told him no and that we shouldnt do stuff anymore because it was too confusing for me and it always hurt me when he didnt call me...and so he told me he understood and apologized and we ended it...then i got really really sad and cried....and about a week later i told him i wanted to do stuff again...and we talked on the phone about everything for like an hour...i told him i liked someone else but i still have some feelings for him and he for me as well...he doesn't know that i like the guy he had a small fling with...i don't plan on telling him...but yeah we talked and then before you know it we were having sex for the first time...and we both try not to say it, but i know we both still really care for eachother...it's just a really confusing situation and i'm just trying to go with the flow and see what happens....

Is it possible that he is having other relationships you don't know about and is only coming to you between them?

I happen to have a "fuck buddy," and he genuinely cares about me, too, but I am his in-between person. I'm okay with that, because I've seen him lose relationship after relationship because he cheats (not with me--I have my morals), so I would never want anything serious with him.

I'm just wondering if this guy to whom you lost your virginity is doing the same thing with you, but is being less honest about it. Is that possible? The time frames sound about right.

Do you feel comfortable asking him, without accusing him of any particular thing, why he goes so long without contacting you and then suddenly wants to be with you? Maybe tell him you aren't a light switch that can turn on and off like that all the time? It sounds to me like he is causing you a lot of stress, and that can lead to all sorts of health problems, both physical and mental. You don't need that, honey. He needs to be honest with you so you know exactly where you stand.

Even if he says he's only interested in sex, at least you'll know that and, maybe you can still enjoy it if it's with a good friend with whom you have a great repoire and a lot in common. In fact, you might find that, if he is only interested in sex and you get that out in the open, he will feel more comfortable spending more time with you. You never know.

Again, though, don't ask him that specifically. Ask him leading questions such as, "I need to know why you go so long without contacting me and then suddenly want to spend time together." (Always start with "I" and, if you can, "I need," because that makes it sound like you're putting the problem on yourself, not accusing him of something, so he doesn't get immediately on the defensive.)

Love, warmth, and hugs,