I hate having "gay voice".

[JarodA]

I've kind of always had it, and I do hate it. I've only been called on it a couple of times in my life but I've heard myself on recordings and I definitely have it.

Then again, I feel like, as a bass/baritone guy, sometimes I talk outside my natural register a tiny bit, which I think is the cause of the problem. When I make a special effort to talk in my natural register, I sound way, way better. I've recorded myself doing my regular voice and my deep voice and my deep voice sounds much better, it's just that it doesn't come as naturally to me. I need to practice my deeper voice till it becomes more of a habit.

I've accepted the fact that I'm gay, but since I'd probably prefer to date masculine guys, I'd rather lose the gay voice. Plus, I don't want to be outed to just anybody as soon as I speak...

Has anyone here ever had any experiences when it comes to altering your speech patterns to sound "less gay"?. I myself cured myself of a nasty lisp (a "lateral lisp" as Wikipedia puts it) in my early high-school years, so I feel like I can accomplish anything along those lines now.

 

[Eagle653]

Yes, this is quite common. The easiest and least expensive way to go about it is to discipline yourself to talk the way you want. If you find that difficult to do long-term, or if you feel yourself slipping back to your old speech patterns, you can get voice training, either through a vocal trainer/therapist, or even an actor. I've known many people (mostly guys) who have done this.

I mention this freely because you mention that it's not an issue of you trying to pretend to be something you're not (straight), nor trying to fool the world. It's just that you have something about you that you'd like to change, and there are ways to do it.

Good luck--I hope you can work something out, either through self-training or a professional consultation. People really can change their vocal patterns if they want to. I hope it works for you.

 

[JarodA]

Yes, this is quite common. The easiest and least expensive way to go about it is to discipline yourself to talk the way you want. If you find that difficult to do long-term, or if you feel yourself slipping back to your old speech patterns, you can get voice training, either through a vocal trainer/therapist, or even an actor. I've known many people (mostly guys) who have done this.

I mention this freely because you mention that it's not an issue of you trying to pretend to be something you're not (straight), nor trying to fool the world. It's just that you have something about you that you'd like to change, and there are ways to do it.

Good luck--I hope you can work something out, either through self-training or a professional consultation. People really can change their vocal patterns if they want to. I hope it works for you.

Thanks. Yeah, it's definitely not about hiding anything really. It's just that I've always been shy and I think my gay voice has always been a big part of that. I'm lucky in a way because I don't have too many of the symptoms of gay voice I don't think. It's just the way I'm used to pitching my voice I think. I could be wrong, but I can always experiment with recording my voice and stuff.

 

[JarodA]

Learn to accept it. Learn to accept you as who you are.

Sorry but taking "voice lessons" to sound "less gay" sounds like self hate to me. Someone will love you just the way you are.

Oh, no I'm not planning on taking voice lessons. I wouldn't go THAT far. Maybe there is a bit of self-hate involved. Like I said, I am shy, but I could post a whole new thread on that, maybe. :|

On the other hand, my voice is not who I am. In fact, I feel that my voice is in fact getting in the way of who I am.

 

[Steely]

My sister used to repeat "ching chong, ding dong, king kong" in a low monotonous voice over and over to get her voice deeper. She didn't do it for long so I'm not entirely sure if it works but she was pretty convinced.

 

[martin6]

I don't know anything about your background, but:

The way you talk without thinking about it should be the way you talk period. If you sound whiny, so what? If you sound like a football jock, so what? If you sound like a lil princess, so what? I mean-- go for the whole changing your voice thing if it bothers you that much, but you shouldn't have to change yourself to be accepted.

I've learned that everybody in the world is judged by others in one way or another. It never ends. You just gotta brush it off and go about your own life.

 

[youngnihilist]

I have a "normal" to deeper voice, but I am really turned on by the gay voice. It's not all bad, trust me. Not that I want a gay voice myself, but there's nothing hotter than a cute guy with that fucking lispy edgy thing!

 

[BabiGayPimp]

Generally I urge people to accept themselves as they are, but the whole "gay voice" thing is a little different. I really do think some gay men have an overly nasal, frenetic style of speaking that can be difficult for listeners to follow. They are not using the full richness of their voice. The sound is kind of pushed up into the nasal cavity and slanted to the side. I wouldn't rule out some sort of speech therapy, not to sound less gay, but to sound closer to what one's natural voice would sound like using the whole body as an instrument verus the tiny little space in the upper, upper, upper nasal cavity. Your voice is just like your body. It can be strengthened with exercise and practice.

 

[Telstra]

I've kind of always had it, and I do hate it. I've only been called on it a couple of times in my life but I've heard myself on recordings and I definitely have it.

Then again, I feel like, as a bass/baritone guy, sometimes I talk outside my natural register a tiny bit, which I think is the cause of the problem. When I make a special effort to talk in my natural register, I sound way, way better. I've recorded myself doing my regular voice and my deep voice and my deep voice sounds much better, it's just that it doesn't come as naturally to me. I need to practice my deeper voice till it becomes more of a habit.

I've accepted the fact that I'm gay, but since I'd probably prefer to date masculine guys, I'd rather lose the gay voice. Plus, I don't want to be outed to just anybody as soon as I speak...

Has anyone here ever had any experiences when it comes to altering your speech patterns to sound "less gay"?. I myself cured myself of a nasty lisp (a "lateral lisp" as Wikipedia puts it) in my early high-school years, so I feel like I can accomplish anything along those lines now.

this post makes me smile ........

 

[chance1]

i used to hear a "gay" or "soft" voice and think "that's so gay", etc.

i don't anymore

i think the more u hear people and how they talk - the less extreme it seems - the more "whatever" it seems

so my point is i used to hear it and think it - now i don't

i don't think im so unusual

don't worry about ur voice - and don't try to change it - there's nothing wrong with it

best of luck

 

[hanshansen]

I think this 'being yourself' thing can be made too much of. Your way of speaking is just one part of the evolving package that is you ... we do things all the time to make ourselves more attractive to others - deciding how to dress, getting haircuts, taking showers etc. Some of this takes getting used to. If you buy a new pair of glasses they may feel strange at first but eventually they will feel like part of you.

My view is that ultimately you want to reach an equilibrium between what is comfortable for you, the people you want to be around, and what is comfortable for them. That may require some adjustment on all three sides.

Just make sure that you know who you are wanting to change your way of speaking for, and how much effort you're willing to go to for those people.

 

[JarodA]

I think this 'being yourself' thing can be made too much of. Your way of speaking is just one part of the evolving package that is you ... we do things all the time to make ourselves more attractive to others - deciding how to dress, getting haircuts, taking showers etc. Some of this takes getting used to. If you buy a new pair of glasses they may feel strange at first but eventually they will feel like part of you.

My view is that ultimately you want to reach an equilibrium between what is comfortable for you, the people you want to be around, and what is comfortable for them. That may require some adjustment on all three sides.

Just make sure that you know who you are wanting to change your way of speaking for, and how much effort you're willing to go to for those people.

Yeah, I want to do this for myself, which is pretty important. Thanks also BabiGayPimp.

 

[darren]

I'm curious in how you cured your lisp? i have sort of a half one, but i'm not bothered about it. I speak the way i want to, not forced, yet sometimes enthuastic, and if people don't like it, then they have the option not to listen to me. It happens quite often, ha ha.

 

[JarodA]

I'm curious in how you cured your lisp? i have sort of a half one, but i'm not bothered about it. I speak the way i want to, not forced, yet sometimes enthuastic, and if people don't like it, then they have the option not to listen to me. It happens quite often, ha ha.

Well, for my particular one, I just started saying my 's' and stuff in the center of my mouth. It's hard to explain, but whatever I did it worked. It was a huge victory. Once I figured it out it was an instantaneous fix with no speech therapy. I was ecstatic. I could have tried to go through my whole life without saying the letter 's' (believe me, I would've tried), but I was very blessed to be able to fix it myself, and my new way of speaking became so well-engrained very quickly I don't even have to think about it anymore.

 

[seven_sins]

Well, for my particular one, I just started saying my 's' and stuff in the center of my mouth. It's hard to explain, but whatever I did it worked. It was a huge victory. Once I figured it out it was an instantaneous fix with no speech therapy. I was ecstatic. I could have tried to go through my whole life without saying the letter 's' (believe me, I would've tried), but I was very blessed to be able to fix it myself, and my new way of speaking became so well-engrained very quickly I don't even have to think about it anymore.

That is interesting. I have often wondered if one could be "cured" of a lisp. In your case, it seems that you "discovered" that you were pronouncing the letter 's' incorrectly and you just started pronouncing it correctly. How did you find out that you had the lisp? Were you always aware of it? I think that lisps on some guys are sexy, but not if they have the "gay voice." I don't find the "gay voice" attractive at all. I am not sure how one would define it, but I believe no one would have trouble recognizing it.

 

[JarodA]

That is interesting. I have often wondered if one could be "cured" of a lisp. In your case, it seems that you "discovered" that you were pronouncing the letter 's' incorrectly and you just started pronouncing it correctly. How did you find out that you had the lisp? Were you always aware of it? I think that lisps on some guys are sexy, but not if they have the "gay voice." I don't find the "gay voice" attractive at all. I am not sure how one would define it, but I believe no one would have trouble recognizing it.

People used to make fun of my in "Intermediate" school (middle school in US). That's how I knew I had it. Up until then I had no idea. Those were the worst years of my life...and I still had it during my first year-and-a-half of high-school.

That's probably the reason I'm so socially inept today...

 

[Lube]

High school is over. People don't care anymore.

Like others said, just be who you are.

I worked really hard to lose my East Coast accent. I thought it sounded uneducated. But now I wish I hadn't. I've lost some of my essence, my background, who I am.

 

[tonyboy]

In middle school kids make fun of others for any number of reasons. If it wasn't your voice they'd have picked something else.

Seems to me you've overcome that and in spades. You write extremely well.

You are obviously smart. I figure you are a sensitive guy about your feelings toward others and are sensitive as to how others view you. That will hold you in good stead throughout your life my friend.... Trust me on this one, OK?

Winston Churchill had a slight lisp when speaking 's'.... he ended up being ok in the long run, you will too.

 

[MrWright]

The 'gay voice' issue again....hmmmm...

I really feel that the complete disdain for the 'gay voice' (a somewhat unidentifiable vocal quality that is often associated with a nasal timbre but can also extend to - and I think this is actually the more true reason - heavy pitch inflection) is connected to self-hate. People speak in varying ways with varying resonances and varying pitch inflections and varying tessituras. What's the real problem if it's not an issue with the core situation of being gay? Are you afraid of people knowing your gay when you speak to them?

I myself am also a Bass-Baritone. Now I have a low - somewhat vacuous - tone that would, I suppose, denote masculinity. However, I know that I speak with alot of pitch which gives it a semi 'gay' sound. I use to have an issue with my voice when I was younger (middle school) and purposefully removed pitch from it leaning the sound towards monotony. However, my voice - with its heavy pitch and unusual resonance - creates a very unique speech quality that can vocally set me apart from any crowd. And while that was an issue before I very much like it now...if anything the acquisition of a 'gay voice' is interesting as its totally outside of my choice (the more monotonous sound being a selected affectation on a more organic tone). I've grown to accept my uniqueness.

As many men as there are turned off by the 'gay voice' there are just as many who are attracted to it...if anything it often denotes someone who's open with themselves enough to accept and integrate their natural sound. Explain, why do you have such an issue with it yourself? What do you find wrong in it - so much so that you feel you need to alter your organic quality to rid yourself of it?


Soooo many voices of VERY different resonances and styles fall under the 'gay voice' stereotype. What then constitutes a masculine voice? I guess identifying this nearly impossible to identify aspect would be your best bet on your way to vocal alterations...

...but then isn't changing your voice to settle into a societal norm somewhat like altering who you sleep with and partner with to fit a societal norm...?

Just a few thoughts...

 

[G-Lexington]

Accept it. Love it. It's part of what makes you you. Despite having a really deep voice, I have this really girly giggle that bubbles up whenever something strikes me as funny suddenly. I don't bother trying to lose it, or change it. It's just part of what makes Lex Lex.

Keeping loving yourself. With all your strengths, weaknesses, and piccadillos. Believe you me - a confident guy with a "gay accent" is much more attractive than a self-conscious guy with a low voice.

Lex