I Hate It When This Hapens...

[jslvr05]

Even though I've been a member of this site for four years, this is my first time starting a thread. Something happened today that reminds me that I'll always have to be worried.

Today, I was at the bus station, on my way home from work, and this man said to me, "Oooh... you like boys. Do you like boys?" He then continued, "Yeah, he got a little sugar in his tank. You gay?" I was leaving the area before he'd said this, but he started talking to me as I left. I ignored him, completely. There were two people there, already, and one of them was this drunken woman berating this guy for asking her for bus fare. It was getting on my nerves, so I walked away.

It's a combination of what he said, and how he said it. I have to admit, it scared me a little bit. I mean, occasionally, I'll get something like this, but this was scarier to me. Maybe because it happened at a bus station that I use three nights a week? It gets really irritating.

What was I wearing to provoke such a response, you ask? I wore a striped, white button-down shirt, light tan slacks, and loafers. That's it.

Has anyone else dealt with situations like this?

 

[HunterM]

Next time, just say, "Fuck off!" No one deserves to be harrassed by this kind of creepiness regardless of how one dresses.

 

[diamondstar]

I know what you mean OP. A few months ago as I was going to work, these two crack heads began asking me if I was gay and calling me a fagoot. I wasn't scared, but it annoyed the hell out of me. However, I will say I was dressed in a very spring like manner.

 

[jslvr05]

My co-worker's attempt to tease me, one calling me a "little fag boy" not too long ago. I have never discussed my sexuality, relationships, or anything of the sort at work. It started because of a Facebook status that a friend jokingly commented on. I'm friends with a few co-workers... thus the rumor started. It's either that, or they assume because I don't talk about my relationships, even past ones with my ex-girlfriends, I'm gay.

I reported the one co-worker who called me that, and he doesn't like me now. Well, I can't imagine why.

Yeah, I think many co-workers think that about me, too. But they're all so nice! (I work at a library)

I know what you mean OP. A few months ago as I was going to work, these two crack heads began asking me if I was gay and calling me a fagoot. I wasn't scared, but it annoyed the hell out of me. However, I will say I was dressed in a very spring like manner.

I was, too! I was also wearing loafers... sans socks.

Next time, just say, "Fuck off!" No one deserves to be harrassed by this kind of creepiness regardless of how one dresses.

I'm really, really soft-spoken, so I couldn't imagine actually yelling that. I'm not a doormat, I just get very flustered in these types of situations.



It's just kind of scary. I keep thinking, 'What if I see him again, tomorrow?' I might just take my time walking there from work. Anyway, thanks everyone!

 

[menRsexii]

This is scary to even be reminded that this stuff still happens... out in the real world!

I mean, in high school, I was definitely bullied and teased by some guys for being gay. I don't know how they knew... I wasn't out and I didn't do anything "gay", or at least I think. But for some reason, I felt that once I left hs, this would all be done with as people in the real world are supposed to be mature. Apparently not...

Sorry to the OP for that experience. I hope you don't run into him again, but if you do, tell him to back off.

 

[jslvr05]

^ That's the strange thing: it really does seem like these things only happen to "other people." Even though I'm more than half-way through my twenties, I sometimes feel like it's high school, again (though I wasn't bullied at all in high school...ironically enough).

 

[HornyHenry]

Over the decades bus stations have been known for the presence of sickies and wierdos, more so than airports and train stations. The weirdos in this case seem to be post-schoolyard bullies and/or maybe someone cruising for a piece of ass.

 

[star-warrior]

I never liked loafers, I blame these for your run-in.

 

[frankfrank]

Why does something tell me that this person was "testing" jslvr05 because he was looking for a "fag" to attack or beat?

 

[rareboy]

Just tell him it is none of his fucking business.

And then run like hell.

 

[Saybrooke]

That used to happen to me in high school all the time. I wasn't out yet (though everyone knew) and it really did bother me.... Some people are just rude and ignorant.... Now if anyone does anything like that I pretend I'm Deaf and they stop lololol

 

[jslvr05]

^Same here, but his allusion was to the general class of euphemisms that portray a gay as "sweet" with obvious overtones of feminine.

It would be difficult to imagine such a remark would be made to someone with the demeanor or style of Jasun.

I'd wager the perpetrator was physically larger and/or older than our O.P., hence the taking of a liberty verbally that could get his ass kicked were he to tell it to an aggressive man.

Actually, he was an older guy, and he wasn't very large. It was kind of annoying that there were two other people who said nothing at all. I can't blame them, though.

And yes, he was saying that I was very feminine or, ahem, "soft."

Why does something tell me that this person was "testing" jslvr05 because he was looking for a "fag" to attack or beat?

That's exactly what I thought, and that's why I said nothing. I generally have a great sense of impending threats or danger, and I knew that the type of people at that bus station would say something to me, and that's why I was leaving the area (and they were irritating).

 

[HunterM]

Don't let these creeps restrict your freedom to live. Don't give them the power to scare you from taking the bus.

Wear this on the bus to ward off future creeps.

 

[shainski]

I think that it's quite possible that he would have barraged anyone with those comments - and you just happened to be in the line of fire. But because you are sensitive to this criticism, you are taking it personally.

Imagine for a moment that someone else who was perfectly straight was there instead of you - what would he have said?

Depending on the person, you might say

"Yeah, you wish."
or just a
"wow"
or
"You're crazy."

The least said the better.

 

[FPNY]

i think the guy who said that to you is gay. he's trying to cover his own gayness with yours. Just ignore him, he's a closet case.

 

[Ephemeral]

Clearly it was the striped shirt.

On a serious note, I'm sorry this happened to you. It's always so scary when these situations occur. Your mind goes blank and you don't know what to say really.

I had a similar thing happen to me. I was in Kroger (a grocery store) and I saw this middle-aged man twice. I paid no attention to him, thinking he was a normal shopper. The third time I see him he stops to ask me, "Excuse me. Are you gay?"

The tone he used was not hostile or aggressive in the least bit. More like curious and interested...which would have been awesome had he been attracted.

I had never in my life had a complete stranger ask me that out of the blue. I was so stunned I wasn't sure just what to say. What eventually came out was a simple "No". He apologized and went about his way.

To his credit, I was wearing a tight tie-dye shirt and a equally tight bright yellow jacket. I looked quite gay that day.

 

[jslvr05]

Do you think it's possible that in his socially inept way that he was possibly flirting with you?



It doesn't matter what you were wearing. You have the right to dress however you please.

I don't think he was flirting. He was basically mocking me.

I was actually going to alter the way I dressed for today, but I didn't. I like my pseudo-J.Crew clothing, thank you very much. I know it shouldn't matter, but people will notice if you dress differently. I actually think that when black guys dress a certain way, it's viewed differently. I didn't want to mention that, but it often seems that way.

I think that it's quite possible that he would have barraged anyone with those comments - and you just happened to be in the line of fire. But because you are sensitive to this criticism, you are taking it personally.

It was clear that he was targeting me, because there were other people in the area.

i think the guy who said that to you is gay. he's trying to cover his own gayness with yours. Just ignore him, he's a closet case.

To be honest, I don't think that he was. It really shouldn't make a difference, anyway. No one needs to have attention like that drawn to them in a, possibly, dangerous place.

Clearly it was the striped shirt.

On a serious note, I'm sorry this happened to you. It's always so scary when these situations occur. Your mind goes blank and you don't know what to say really.

I had a similar thing happen to me. I was in Kroger (a grocery store) and I saw this middle-aged man twice. I paid no attention to him, thinking he was a normal shopper. The third time I see him he stops to ask me, "Excuse me. Are you gay?"

The tone he used was not hostile or aggressive in the least bit. More like curious and interested...which would have been awesome had he been attracted.

I had never in my life had a complete stranger ask me that out of the blue. I was so stunned I wasn't sure just what to say. What eventually came out was a simple "No". He apologized and went about his way.

To his credit, I was wearing a tight tie-dye shirt and a equally tight bright yellow jacket. I looked quite gay that day.

That's probably why I didn't respond to him at all.

There is just so much stupid shit people associate with being a homosexual. Even when it comes to the kind of colors you like.

The only time I had someone really comment on something I wore being gay was when I wore a pink polo shirt to a friends party.

I'll admit, what I wore was not what the average mid-twenty-something guy would wear, but it still shouldn't matter.


Overall, with hindsight, the situation isn't a scary as it was last night. It just alerted me to the fact that there are some pretty awful people out there who could verbally and, quite possibly, physically assault me.

It was eye-opening to me. I keep feeling like I overacted, but it was a creepy moment, for sure.

 

[lolalola70]

no one has ever asked me that, but once when i was in a bank line as i left i overheard some guy, who i didn't know say 'there she goes". have no idea why. who knows what sets some people off- i just acted like i didn't hear him.

i once had this crazy guy come up to me in a parking lot saying crazy stuff so i out crazied him by growling at him and barking at him like a dog- i can still see the look on his face before he took off running!

 

[pat grimshaw]

I wouldn't spend a minute thinking about it.

'Sticks and stones break bones, but names? NO!

 

[bankside]

Tell him "I like men, and it's a shame I don't see any at the moment."