I hate my boyfriend's dick.

[epicsombero]

I never thought I would actually become the person I love to parody - but I am considering breaking up with my boyfriend because of his penis.

I have had sex with guys and I've had a few serious boyfriends, but my partner at the moment is absolutely everything to me. The absolute love of my life, we've been together for three years and I never feel resent or anger towards him - it's blissful.

But I hate his dick. It's pudgy, bent (not in a nice way) and ruefully small. I had never thought I would be judgemental of this and truly I am not normally as shallow to care at all, but it is effecting our sex life because I do not want to be near it. To the point where we do not have sex at all anymore (maybe once every 2-3 weeks), because I am simply repulsed by him sexually.

Is this a serious issue? He is absolutely marriage material to me and I can imagine a long life with him... but not having sex with him gives me a wondering eye and I'm consdering simply calling it quits. Because I can't seem to grow to appreciate his manhood, and I want him to be with someone who can. Help!

EDIT: I know this makes me seem like a shallow asshole. I've gotten to the point now where I can't help but sound like one whenever I bring this issue up. Sorry.

 

[Corny]

The only question that I have: Why do you just realize this after three years? This should have been a decision after like .. 3 weeks.

You say he is marriage material, but would you be happy in that marriage? No. Is he happy with the lack of sex? Probably not.

So either you two agree to get your sex elsewhere or you need to break up.

PS: does he know?

 

[eastofeden]

As difficult as it might be for both of you...you should tell him exactly what you have told us.

Say you go down the road with him and in two years he finds this and reads this? What would you say to him?

In any GOOD relationship honesty is essential. Hell...there may be something about you that he finds equally repulsive and it will give you both a chance to put it all on the table.

 

[journo25]

After three YEARS you come to this conclusion?! Would this not have been evident within days of having sex with him?

 

[hylas]

jeez.
dont worry, youre not shallow. at least not shallower than most.
what i would worry about is that you aparently spent three years with a guy youre not attracted to, wasting his time and yours.

you know what? when you finally break up with him, lie to him about why. feed him some bullshit about how you grew apart, how youre just not in love anymore, yap yap yap. spare him the indignity of realizing that he had just spent three years with some asshole who never was sexually attracted to him from the start and is, in fact, repulsed by him. JEEZ.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

This is one situation where I wouldn't tell him the truth. But you need to break up. This is something you cannot change.

 

[aaggii]

As difficult as it might be for both of you...you should tell him exactly what you have told us.

Nope. Do you know what kind of insecurities would one have if you´d tell him ¨I dump you after 3 years because even tho I love you, your penis is ugly¨? You don´t even know more about his partner, he might have more than enough insecurities at the moment, without even knowing what his partner thinks.

epicsombero , your post in unbelievable to me, but each one with his own, I guess. I´m not sure if it´s love what you feel for this guy, or simply attachment, because I know for sure you can´t feel repulse from the one you love. My partner is circumcised (due to a surgery he had some years ago) and until I met him I always backed off when meeting people who had a circumcision, because I just didn´t like it. It grew on me. Why is something as unimportant as this a problem in a serious relationship. 3 years!! There is always the option of having an open relationship, use toys, make him bottom for you..

 

[borg69unimatrix]

If that's your only problem with him, can't you just do it with the lights off ???

 

[eastofeden]

Nope. Do you know what kind of insecurities would one have if you´d tell him ¨I dump you after 3 years because even tho I love you, your penis is ugly¨? You don´t even know more about his partner, he might have more than enough insecurities at the moment, without even knowing what his partner thinks.

epicsombero , your post in unbelievable to me, but each one with his own, I guess. I´m not sure if it´s love what you feel for this guy, or simply attachment, because I know for sure you can´t feel repulse from the one you love. My partner is circumcised (due to a surgery he had some years ago) and until I met him I always backed off when meeting people who had a circumcision, because I just didn´t like it. It grew on me. Why is something as unimportant as this a problem in a serious relationship. 3 years!! There is always the option of having an open relationship, use toys, make him bottom for you..

I disagree.

I think the truth is an infinitely better road to travel in any relationship.... for so many reasons.

 

[Just_Believe18]

I always find it amusing when we have threads that start out with, "My boyfriend is the most amazing man in the world, I love him so much, he's marriage material to spend the rest of my life with... BUT the sex sucks." Time and time again.

From seeing these threads, here's almost always the conclusion: dump your boyfriend. Many long-term relationships put away the ugly skeleton in the closet of a dissatisfied sex life, only to have it reemerge years down the road when one of the boyfriend's just can't take it anymore. You say you love your boyfriend, but you hate a part of his body. This is a contradiction you're not going to get over, as it is clearly affecting your love life.

I don't even know how to break the news to your boyfriend though, as this is the only reason you claim you can't be with him anymore. It's going to break his heart knowing his penis is somehow inadequate for you and that you're repulsed by it. In a sense, it's calling him ugly, which is a basic fear of people, particularly hurtful when said by their own boyfriend.

As a previous poster said, this is something you decide 3 weeks into a relationship, not 3 years. You're not coming out of this without being perceived as a terrible human being.

The only other alternative solution would be to open up the relationship so you can be with guys with giant, raging, ass-stretching hard-ons. Then you can have the best of both worlds: your loving partner that you otherwise find so perfect as a husband, and your horse-cock flings from Grindr.

 

[bruce379]

I find that a bit shallow. Either ask him to ramp up the sex or get a third to join openly if only for the sex, keep him for the relationship; I've seen this work with others. If that's not workable, then sex isn't the only issue, it's something else, and I suppose you're just now looking for a reason to end the relationship. But 3 years?, jeez. Ride it out if you can and talk to him what the problem is otherwise you might not find someone even close to what you have now and you might end up alone and just looking for a hookup every now and then; now that would be sad.

 

[mcbrion]

This is a very sad scenario.

I can understand that one can appreciate the virtues of a person, without appreciating ALL of the person, but you do seem to have waited rather a long time to come to terms with what is, essentially, a deal-breaker.
That being the case, it is kinder to set your boyfriend free to find someone who will love both is virtues AND his "bent" dick. To use up another person's life force is setting yourself up for bad kharma, of the same kind, at some point in your life. The kindest thing you can do is say that you love him, but you just are not IN Love with him now, and it came to you over time, and that you feel bad about it, but you want him to be happy, and he deserves to be with someone who loves him completely.
You have kept him to yourself for selfish reasons, but that does not make you a bad person. It does mean you have some insecurities that kept you from making a good judgement that honors both you AND him.
Release him from any promises you have made to each other. I am thinking, by the way you write, that you are both fairly young and will have many other opportunities to find the lover who will complete each of you.

 

[aaggii]

I disagree.

I think the truth is an infinitely better road to travel in any relationship.... for so many reasons.

This will come up if OP decides to end the relationship. No need to be a jerk about it, he could just say he isnt satisfied sexually. Besides, how is a dick ugly? I´ve seen all types and never had a problem with any form or shape

 

[palbert]

maybe once every 2-3 weeks

= relationship/marriage in name only

 

[eastofeden]

This will come up if OP decides to end the relationship. No need to be a jerk about it, he could just say he isnt satisfied sexually. Besides, how is a dick ugly? I´ve seen all types and never had a problem with any form or shape

I don't think trying to control other people's perceptions or reactions is really commendable and most likely is isn't about them anyway. A lot of people do things for "other people's good" and that is a usually a complete load of crap IMO. It is weak minded and lazy. Assuming someone is insecure and would be more comfortable with a lie is patronizing and condescending and in a relationship demonstrates a complete lack of respect for the relationship and the other person.

 

[aaggii]

It is weak minded and lazy.

I guess it depends on each person. I definitely wouldn´t say it to someone and I wouldn´t like it said to me.

 

[eastofeden]

I guess it depends on each person. I definitely wouldn´t say it to someone and I wouldn´t like it said to me.

That is the beauty of the advice forum. Since we are all different individuals it helps to have as many different perspectives as possible so the OP can take what he needs and leave the rest. If it were me and I found out my BF said this to OTHER PEOPLE and did not tell me...I would drop his ass immediately. I give...and expect...total honesty. Anything less is not worthy of my time and attention when it comes to a relationship.

 

[Rolyo85]

Um, yeah, I'm gonna join the chorus of "After 3 years? Seriously?" And yes, I'd dump him, and no - I wouldn't say why. Absolute truth for the sake of truth to me is a weak thing. When the truth will achieve nothing but hurt, it becomes malice. Make up some reason he will believe and let him go...

 

[Seasoned]

Telling you what you could have done 3 years ago is pointless. So what to do now? How many options are there? It's an extremely finite number.

If there's any hope for staying, you could think back as to why you were attracted to him as a bf and why and how you overlooked it then.

I'd advise you to go with the "I'm not satisfied sexually" reason if you break up. Honesty without compassion is cruelty.

 

[rareboy]

^ This. Almost.

If you can't realize what drew you together and only want to be apart, then let him go so that he can be happy.

But when you part, I would tell the real truth. That you don't feel the same passion and love for him today as you did three years ago. Because that is the real issue. What has happened is that the depth of feeling is gone and now you can't look beyond the things in your relationship that trouble you. For some people it is the annoying habits of their partners. For some it is the dying flame of sexual desire.