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I have a bi-curious friend, need advice.

T

twilightbeach43

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Hey there, first post but I've been lurking around here for a while. :)
I need some advice, because I'm at a loss of what to do.

I have a friend who is bi-curious, and he seem interested in talking to me. Like, I used to not really care about texting him or anything because I thought he was just trying to use me to get to my chick friends (Don't ask why, lol), but he actually makes an effort to talk to me. He's in the Army Reserves, and he's a really sweet guy. Lives pretty close too.

The problem I'm having is that I think he's really nervous about guys, as he grew up in a military family, played football in high school, and etc., all in a town that doesn't accept homosexuality. I'm not saying I'm trying to rush things, but what would be the best way to loosen him up a little? It's as if he thinks he's going to get in trouble for even being seen with me because I'm gay.

For the reasons above, I'm pretty sure he's not ready for dating or anything, and I'm okay with that, but I at least want to get closer to him.

What would be the best way to approach him and possibly get his attention without rushing things or freaking him out?

Thank you.
 
Just Talk to him about it try to get him to open up to you. Perhaps one on one conversations would be better for him at the moment than public activities. I'd say to ease into trying to make him more comfortable after a while. Maybe you could start talking to him about what he thinks and then if you have more gay friends try to get them to talk to him too if he is comfortable with that idea.
 
Invite him over for drinks and then suck his dick after he has had a few.

Curious guys just want to get off they don't want to talk about their feelings since they aren't looking for guys to date.
 
Yeah, or ignore the porn scenarios and just talk to the guy. I personally have trouble believing in "bi-curiosity", more often than not it just means closet homosexuality. Either way, if he is trying to talk to you, oblige him, and get to know him. But remember - closeted (or "bi-curious", whatever) guys often want to just scratch the itch and keep playing straight. It's not even because they're bad peoplpe, it's just how their wiring works, and it takes a lot to move past that. You can be his friend and try to help him evolve, but you don't have to be his human masturbation device if all he wants is to get off. That wouldn't be the way to him opening up, that would be the way to him feeling guilty and bailing on you right after.
 
Let him know that if he wants to talk to you about personal things, that it will remain confidential.
 
you talk more about him than yourself. what do you want out of this?
you say you want to "get closer to him"... but you also say hes probably not ready for dating (which i agree with.)

i also dont fully understand the situation, to be honest.
does he identify as bi-curious, or is that what you suspect him to be?
you ask how to get his attention, but hes already making an effort to talk to you?

if you only want to be his friend and help him to accept his sexuality, then you dont need to do anything much, really... just be openly gay, and a good friend, and tell him that youre there for him if he needs to talk about his sexuality. and hell open up to you when hes ready. im sure hes happy that he has an openly gay guy in his social circle. if he identifies as bi-curious, invite him when youre going to gay clubs and bars with your friends. he may decline if hes really that stuck up, but im sure hell appreciate having the option.
 
But has he actually stated that he likes guys or is it just your perception? If this is only in your mind and you haven't confirmed anything I would say just wait for him to open up. Let him know you're there for him but don't harass him.
 
Rolyo85 said:
Yeah, or ignore the porn scenarios and just talk to the guy. I personally have trouble believing in "bi-curiosity", more often than not it just means closet homosexuality. Either way, if he is trying to talk to you, oblige him, and get to know him. But remember - closeted (or "bi-curious", whatever) guys often want to just scratch the itch and keep playing straight. It's not even because they're bad peoplpe, it's just how their wiring works, and it takes a lot to move past that. You can be his friend and try to help him evolve, but you don't have to be his human masturbation device if all he wants is to get off. That wouldn't be the way to him opening up, that would be the way to him feeling guilty and bailing on you right after.
Click to expand...

^^^ This.
 
This sounds like the perfect recipe for a messy and painful situation. Unless, of course, you don't mind being used as a mere means for him to achieve sexual relief and absolutely nothing more. However, you seem to have already made an emotional investment in him, which doesn't sound too auspicious. I would say that you should just be friendly with him and keep your distance as much as possible, unless you can remain objective enough to remember that, at most, you will be a friend with occasional benefits and nothing more.
 
Laufey said:
Curious guys just want to get off they don't want to talk about their feelings since they aren't looking for guys to date.
Click to expand...

Interesting! I'm curious about this topic too. Are most bi-curious guys like this? Are they usually to themselves? Do they usually have their walls up?
 
Well if they want it to be romantic then they are probably more than just bi-curious wouldn't you agree?
 
It depends on your motive.

If you're genuinely interested in being his friend, then the advice in the thread to listen and be support/non-judgmental is the way to go.

If your motivation is just to get in his pants, then this will not probably not end well for either of you. These confused boys are like little tornadoes that drag things in and leave a mess behind.
 
I think your best bet is some one on one sessions together with no one else around. Try and convince him it's ok to feel things for other guys. I know I felt that way in the beginning. My friend just invited me to his place, we talked about everything under the sun. Noting sexual happened the first visit. Then he slowly became more and more friendly soon we were naked and I learned the joys of same sex fun. Now I feel very close and need this guy as often as he lets me. Take it slow. He needs time and tenderness.
 
Just do a text-only "relationship" and don't indicate you want to actually meet. If he asks about meeting say "I would like to continue knowing you this way". Leave control in your court and if necessary make a decision you will never meet. That way it will eventually die and you will be free of it.
That's the most lenient option.

For me I would terminate it with the text "Don't contact me again."
 
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