I have a problem w/ the age of guys I like

[NickCole]

Thanks for singling my response out, after all I made a point nobody else did. Not.

Honestly, as I wrote in that post, I didn't mean to slam you.

You're right a lot of others were doing the same thing -- I responded to yours only because it was the most recent.

I'm sorry.

OK, firstly, I NEVER said everyone is the same.

And secondly, if I cant give him advice based on MYSELF, then who the fuck can I base it on? Isnt that the fundamental point of advice?

As I wrote, it can be very useful to share personal experience. It's the "Don't worry you'll grow out of it because I did" element that bothers me because of the issue.

Theodore asked a question about himself, identifying an attraction to teens. He didn't say he's attracted to blondes or swimmer-types or Mediterranean guys -- and they happen to be young because he's young and he's attracted to his age group. He said he's attracted to teenagers. At 25 that may or not be a problem but definitely could be a warning light. And he knows it or he wouldn't be asking for advice. There's a big difference between a 16 year old and a 25 year old; it's not unreasonable to dig into what exactly the attraction is.

I'm not saying it's a problem in Theodore's case but if it IS a problem it'd be a lot easier to deal with now than in ten or twenty years when it'll be more deeply ingrained.

Again, I'm sorry I singled you out; it wasn't my intent to knock you.

 

[NickCole]

... In my teens I had real problems and became a recluse for some important 'growing' years. She thinks I socially havent advanced and am still stuck mentally in my teens ...

That was the point I was trying to make.

The maturation and socialization process can be thrown off balance, and if it has been and isn't dealt with then a minor hiccup can turn into a major cough that disrupts one's life later on.

Could be no problem at all, could be something you've recognized early enough to figure out on your own, could be big enough that you'll need help dealing with it. But I think you're smart to question it and explore it in yourself.

Did you, following those "real problems" and being a recluse in your teen years, have any help transitioning from adolescence to young adult? Even under ideal circumstances that's one of our most difficult transitions.

 

[MindBlast]

While you might find them attractive, a relationship is pretty much impossible with that big an age gap when you get older. You WON'T be able to relate.

I already can't relate to guys younger than, say 19.

 

[reinventedboy]

I feel like i should say something. Im 22 and ive always been atttracted to 17/18/19 yos. Its really bad. Even the porn i like is mostly only twinky porn. However. Recentley i met someone that is 27, very cute, and very hot. And he's slowly getting me over that twink stage.

 

[NickCole]

Yeah...very much so. I had real problems making the transition and in some ways still havent I dont think. This is probably part of the problem but that would only be an explanation for me wanting to be around that age group I think, not why Im almost exclusively attracted to them.

Maybe that could explain why you're attracted to them. I'm not a psychologist but it makes sense to me.

Seems to me our sexual interest would be rooted in the same elements of our experience and development that other areas of our behavior and desires are rooted in. So maybe there's a connection.

If you're concerned about it, talk to someone who could help you sort it out. Could just be part of your maturation process that got delayed and it's taking you a little while to catch up. You just don't want to get stuck there.

 

[ReZerection]

Trust in your instincts guy, as some have stated perhaps your taste will change over time, and as others stated, perhaps it won't.

I agree with trying to figure out why or where it comes from that makes you attracted to the younger ages. There very well could be an underlying reason, or there could not be. You won't really know until you search yourself for the answers.

I've put myself into a rock and a hard spot with my bf. He also is attracted to the younger guys. His first sexual experience was with a teen under 18 ( which was totally against the law). His first relationship was with another one about 17-18 yrs old and then after that ended he went on a few dates with a 18-19 yr old. He by the way is going to be 38 this month. And all of this has happened in the past 3-4 years.

Now I have to say that I am not one to judge, an I try my very best to not do so on him, but even after being with him for almost a year now, just thinking of his past relations makes me ill. Sure I'm 26 and not as old as he, but I'm also not as young either. I have no problem with someone being older then their lovers or what have you, until that situation becomes border line pedofilia. When I think about him being with some teen young enough to be his biological son, then I have a problem with it. But thats his past and I can't really say much about it.

He still likes to look at twink young guy porn, and seems to like befriending those young enough to be his children, thats all good an well, each to their own, the only time I will drawl the line is if he acts on any of his sexual urges. Then all hell will break loose, and I will literally plant my foot up his ass. And that will be that.

Oh I think I might have stepped a bit off track...

Wanted to say, I questioned him on this very thing once, his response was; I think it has something to do with being youthful once again...etc...

Wether that was true or not, I have not clue.

Just know that know one can tell you why you are the way you are, you have to be the one to search that out for yourself. Because how can anyone else tell you anything about yourself, if you yourself don't even know who you are.

 

[SuperQueer]

when i was your age (25) i liked men that were about the same age as me. Now at 41 I generally look for personality and sex appeal regardless of the age.

I don't think you have much to worry about with your tastes. As you age your priorities and taste will change; however, if they stay the same you'll only have a problem if you continue to only like men that are in their early twenties or late teens. (imho). I think you'll definately change as you grow older - there's a lot more out there to pick mr. right with than age.

 

[Soilwork]

OK, a full grown man of 24 shouldn't be dating school boys, legal or not.

Sorry, but those guys aren't old enough for you, and you need to grow up and bit and start trying to relate to men and not little boys.

 

[Soilwork]

Sorry, but you're not going to have everyone encouraing you to do things they feel are destructive or at best counter-productive just to make you happy even in a no-flame zone.

These are kids. They may be legal to shag, but you're an adult and should have the smarts to know that at 16, no matter how old you may look and act, he's still a teenager who's developing emotionally and should be dating guys his own age.

So should you.

I have no problem with dating outside your age range, my BF is 9 years younger than me, but we're 29 and 38. My last BF is now 44.

I don't know you, but every 25 year old man I've ever known who only dates or chases 18 year-olds always has serious issues that not only block him from ever really being happy but block him from having a real relationship. That only gets worse as you get older. One of my friends whom I've kinda fallen out of contact with is now 40. He's still only interested in guys who are now less than half his age, and the only way he can keep them around is to pay hustlers to spend time with him.

He knows that he's got serious issues that have never allowed him to grow past 16 on an emotional and social level, and he doesnt' see a way out.

Don't be like him.

It's hard to have a real relationship with someone who has to be home by 10 PM on weeknights, isn't it?

Sorry if you think I'm a nasty idiot, but I'm not going to tell you that dating highschool boys is something I'll root for in a 25 year-old man. Even if it makes you think I'm mean.

 

[Soilwork]

YEah, that's almost exactly the same reason that my 40 year old chicken hawk former friend explained it.

"I love the innocence of youth" or "I've always been attracted to younger guys.. even when I was young" or "I like how the world is all so new to them."

In the end what he really meant was "Because of how poorly my father treated me and how I was never able to come out to him but worked along side him with the family business since I was 16, I've never been able to grow into a mature adult and forge adult relationships. Insstead, I chase after kids trying desperatly to get back the that happiness I had at 16 when the world was all so new to me."

I don't find it much different than Michael Jackson who prefers the company of boys who are the same age he was the last time he was happy.. about 9.

Sorry.. I wish I had better news for you.

 

[Soilwork]

Where did I say "pedophile?"

I never accused you of such a horrible thing.

What I said is that you're obviosuly having trouble relating to men your own age, and that's just not healthy.

Sorry.

 

[ReZerection]

Where did I say "pedophile?"

I never accused you of such a horrible thing.

What I said is that you're obviosuly having trouble relating to men your own age, and that's just not healthy.

Sorry.

I have to agree with alot of what you said, soilwork.

I myself have some trouble in relating to guys my own age as well, which is why I went older than myself. That of course isn't the only reason (or atleast I hope not). I find their bodies incredibly attractive, I think mostly because to me, they seem to be more filled out or beefy instead of rock hard.

But yeah, relating on a mental level has to be a big reason for why I am the way I am. But I have to say, your some what psych analysis of age and emotion was kinda enlightening. Because I wonder about that alot when thinking about my present bf. He, like some men went through a real akward period in his early to late teens, becoming ashamed of not only his being gay, but about his body as well, which could very well explain why he does some of the most idiotic things I've ever seen, things that I would expect a teenager to do, not a grown man at 38.

So, even if what you have said here doesn't hit home on the current discussion, it definately has helped me. Thanks Guy.

 

[Soilwork]

Cool.

thanks.

Look, I'm not a doctor and I certainly dont' have all the answers.

But I do know that if you're unable to relate on a romantic level to men your own age, you're in for a lot of heart ache later in life.

Good luck to you all.

 

[NickCole]

so its mindboggling and disturbing to see older people after young.

It's disturbing when a guy believes that what turns him on is what's Right For Everyone.

 

[phoenix72]

i was like that for the longest time. i still find guys of that age attractive and everything. but for some reason now i find myself looking past that "wow dude's hella hot" phase and wanting something more. i've been there with guys before and i just want someone that is stable in themselves, in life and likes me for who i am on the inside/outside. it sounds fairy tale like i know but...its what i know i want in a guy.

 

[Soilwork]

Theodore, if you wanted us to all tell you it was ok and agree with you, why did you call the thread "i have a problem...."

We think you need to try to learn to relate to men your own age or you're going to be unhappy later in life and won't be able to have real relationships.

Up to you.. but we really do have your best interests at heart here.