I have a straight boy problem...

[slave4supernewty]

So I have an issue. I always fall for straight guys and for some reason I can never find a gay guy to like. SoCal's gay culture is a little weird to me, very judgmental and exclusive so I've been single all my life, haven't even really dated. I'm not some ghoul or anything, I'm attractive, in shape/muscular, nice guy. Any way, this straight boy is great. I work with him and never talked to him until towards the beginning of the year. We did an event together and spent 2 days straight with each other. After that, he added me to his top friends on Myspace. I don't know if you know anything about Myspace but it takes effort to add somebody to your top friends. So ever since then, we've just been really friendly at work. He'll give me a hug every day, talk to me, sit next to me on our tram or bench and just hang out with me. He just seems genuinely happy and interested that I'm there, you know? And the other day he wanted me to go to this party he was going to and was sad I didn't go and he wants us to go to the gym together, I just never have time...oh and he knows I'm gay.

A little about him, he freakin just turned 19!!! What the hell? I'm 21 but 19 (18 a month ago) is young but he doesn't seem that way at all. He has a beautiful body, beautiful face, he's Christian and really into it....he went on a mission overseas earlier this year (when he came back he told me he thought of me a lot). The other day we had a really long talk about religion, our beliefs and what we want to do with our lives and it just made me fall really hard for him. Usually with crushes I can handle myself but with him I get really flustered. I talk to him but I can't look him in the eyes and he's all about the eye contact.
I just think he's a really special guy, I don't even need to have sex with him, I just want to be with him, get to know him better, ugh.

And now a friend just told me that someone said he wrote a guy a "love note" on Myspace....so there's a possibility. Something in me just can't believe he's totally straight, just the way he is with me, it's just different, I dunno. He just seems so perfect for me, I really like him.

I just really had to get this out, I know it's long, I want to do something about it but I don't know what to do...

 

[pausanias_usa]

Christian missionary work was something of a "way out" for gays back in Victorian Britain, and to an extent today.

Of course, only young girls tend to proselytize at my door 8'/.

 

[doglover]

Wow this sounds kinky to me!!!

 

[justdoitinnj]

Why don't you just tell him the truth.
He already knows that your gay.
He's already accepted that or he wouldnt even bother to be friendly with you.
Maybe he's curious but dosen't know how to approach you about it.
If he rejects what you tell him, about how you feel about him and you lose him as a friend, then he really wasnt your friend to begin with. Especially knowing full well that your gay and that your only interested in guys. Why would he be SO interested in you if he's not at least bi or gay himself. If he's SO str8, where's his girlfriend?
Force yourself to make the eye contact with him....eyes are the mirrors to the soul. And, good luck to ya !

 

[Telstra]

Your story sounds like a song called:
"i will follow him"

Anyway yeah where is his girl friend??
No girl friend and christian probably means gay.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Relax. You are in SoCal and being slightly on the uptight side does not make anyone's life any easier.

Why talk your friendship to its death? How about taking it one day at a time, hanging out together, planning a weekend together and enjoying the life together?

Say, you loose the Christian/Gay/Bi/Str or any other label for the moment and live the time together for each other?

You are young dudes and, if sex happens, so be it. That's cool. Keep it between the two of you for the time being and work towards connecting even better...

Whatever comes later on...

SC

 

[kayman23]

Discuss your feelings with him, and if he does stop being your friend then as the other poster said, he wasn't your friend at all.

I say take slow and enjoy each others company.

 

[RacerX111]

Give it time. He likes you... even if he is straight.

But I think in time he will be more willing to admit he's not straight.

 

[Soilwork]

Um... when did he write this "love note?"

If it was recently, it sounds like he might be interested more in THAT guy and just wants you as a friend.

As far as SoCal gay culture goes.. you need to step out of WeHo a bit more and find that there's a big world out there east of Fairfax, West of Robertson and south of Melrose. If you mean gay CLUB culture.. yeah.. that's annoying, but there's a lot more to gay life than hanging out at the Abbey.

 

[rareboy]

And now a friend just told me that someone said he wrote a guy a "love note" on Myspace.

...and he's straight......even if he wrote it to Christ, which is what I
suspect, there's no straight guy that writes a love letter to a guy.

It seems to me that you're the one who has projected 'straight' onto him.

I think that half the time, these guys are probably as queer as they come, but somehow, it is a bigger turn on for some if they think they're pursuing and winning a straight.

If he is some 'fucked by Jesus' closet case, I wouldn't waste the time of day.

 

[texan_slant]

Never assume whatever someone else has told you that they saw (on MySpace) is true.

Has he been clear that he's straight? Is it something that you know for a fact? Does he have a girlfriend? What other friends does he hang out with?

If you don't know for a fact that he's straight, you might very well have a chance at being more than friends.

 

[slave4supernewty]

Well we've never discussed his straightness per se. He doesn't have a girlfriend and has never talked about having one. The pictures on his Myspace show him having a bunch of girl friends and some nerdy guy friends he goes rock climbing with. I dunno, he's a little ambiguous...

 

[Soilwork]

OK, then.

no guts, no glory.

Go get your man.

 

[luismex911]

tell him the truth!!! that may work! cuz, if he doent have a girldfriend, and he is a cristin missioner, he's probably gay lol

 

[bluedragon4]

those christian boys love the missionary style.

 

[ilovegaysex]

I could be wrong, but if he was writing a love note to a guy, he must be gay!! You have to ask him out!! Even though i don't know either of you I think you guys will be perfect for each other! What's the very worst that could happen??

Tell us how it went!! I want to know what happens....

 

[slave4supernewty]

So I think I need to be done with this whole situation. I think it's kind of funny I'm pouring out my heart here but you guys are nice so whatever. I went home for Thanksgiving and all I could think about was him. It was really bad. I don't know if I was bored or just really want someone to be with but I couldn't stop thinking of him every other minute (ironically Whitney Houston's Why Does It Hurt So Bad just came up on my iTunes shuffle, lol). So I get to work kind of excited to see him, not really and he's the first thing I see when I get inside and I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't some joyous hugfest, that's for sure, lol.

So I just kind of decided then and there, I shouldn't do this to myself anymore. It's the same pattern, guy is straight, we get a little close or touchy-feely and I get all sprung and nothing really happens from there. Over the break I had a straight friend from middle school who I was really really close with (to the point where his girlfriend was worried we were messing around) and he basically told me that he wished I was a girl or he was gay because he still felt that way about me (pattern much??).

Anyway, back to this guy at work, I tried my best to keep my distance, didn't go over to his locker and talk, didn't look at him. I think he was coming to talk to me but got sidetracked by someone else. Any way, I had a talk with my guru who guides me through everything about it and decided it was best to kind of detach myself and try not to think of him, very hard. My guru said even if he might be gay, it could be more trouble then it's worth to find out and deal with it but I was kind of thinking, couldn't it be a really great thing too?

So I'm leaving work, he says bye and I'm walking to my car and guess who's behind me and calls out?? So we walk to our cars together and talk about stupid shit then I stupidly asked him what he was doing the next day before work (I'm supposed to be detaching, remember?). So he's busy (we have finals and projects due soon) but says we'll go to the gym and hang out soon.....

I just hate feeling kind of hopeless and not really knowing about someone. I have been single all my life and think it's time to stop with these crushes that will go nowhere or could be more trouble then they're worth but I don't know how to stop....

 

[-Lance-]

The Truth:

You can't complain about being lonely or single when you're in the closet.

True, you can feel lonely and depressed, but you cant justifiy it while in the closet.

 

[rareboy]

You're 21 and been single all your life? Even assuming early puberty, that isn't saying much.

Start looking for love in the right places.

 

[slave4supernewty]

What I'm saying about being single is I haven't dated nor have I had a guy who I like feel the same way. All my friends have dated, had relationships, done whatever. I feel like I'm kind of late.

Anyway, I've basically decided it would kind of be stupid just to back away from him because that would be really hard. He's such a nice guy (he hugged me today). I really need to initiate hanging out with him outside of work and becoming gym buddies like we've planned for awhile. He's kind of a mystery, I talk to him all the time but he doesn't hang out with everyone all the time, leaves work right away when we're done, he's a total mystery, kind of a challenge. I'm gonna ask him to hang out soon. But wouldn't it kind of be weird if just the two of us hung out? I dunno...