J
Jersey Domino
Guest
Anyone have any advice on how to get rid of it?
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Low self-esteem is because of your appraisal of your own worth. Others may have conditioned you with things they said in the past or present, but you continue to condition yourself to have it by what you focus on and what you say to yourself. The only way to get rid of it and raise it is to find value in yourself and what you do, and then tell yourself what you need to hear. You don't even have to believe it at first--you just need to start telling yourself what it is. A belief forms because of repeated exposure to the thought. What you dwell on is what you get. Find what is good about you and/or do more things that you value as being "good," and then acknowledge yourself for having done them.
That's the only way to raise it--by focusing on something different than the message you're currently playing in your head.
That's the only way to raise it--by focusing on something different than the message you're currently playing in your head.
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I recommend regular deposits of male essence both as the donor and as the donee. Ok...that was the light weight response that had to be interjected....now read **
** Spiritual beauty inner awareness and integrity are highly esteemed qualities...and once recognized bu John Q rapidly diminish the Iconic Adonis syndrome. (in basic language..if you like you..others will like you) Leftys' lecture series III, sub paragraph a., aka "Am I good enough for me?"
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I think the technique to change poor self esteem depends on what the issue(s) is(are). If it has to do with looks, for example, you could start by looking at yourself in a mirror and telling yourself you like what you see. If this is an issue it will be hard to do. But force yourself and do it often.
You could also try parenting yourself by writing a letter praising all your good qualities. Bring it out to read when you are feeling down.
If this is about something you are not particularly good at, discontinue the activity if you are able to. Find something you are good at.
Get out and do more. Force yourself to meet people.
Seek therapy, especially group therapy.
Do some self help reading, especially if you came from a dysfunctional family.
Use this mantra often: I love myself; I accept myself; I forgive myself.
You are not alone. Good luck to you.
You could also try parenting yourself by writing a letter praising all your good qualities. Bring it out to read when you are feeling down.
If this is about something you are not particularly good at, discontinue the activity if you are able to. Find something you are good at.
Get out and do more. Force yourself to meet people.
Seek therapy, especially group therapy.
Do some self help reading, especially if you came from a dysfunctional family.
Use this mantra often: I love myself; I accept myself; I forgive myself.
You are not alone. Good luck to you.
J
Jersey Domino
Guest
These are all good responses.
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When I realized that i felt I was worthless and unlikable, I one day just sat down and started to think of the kind of guy I was... what kind of guy I'd like to be.
What kind of things spoke to me.. what kind of person I wanted to be. I looked for some good role models. I looked inside myself to see the really ugly stuff I didn't like. I started small. I pitched the stuff I didn't like, I started to do things that I liked. I started to STOP doing things that were expected of me and started to do the things that I thought would lead me on the path to be the man I wanted to be.
Yes, some was surface... buying clothes that I liked, buying music that I felt fit with the kind of guy I saw myself to be. Maybe a few other superficial things.
Mostly, you have to become a person that YOU like.. then the self-confidence comes.
Some would argue that I have way too much self-esteem. They may be right. But it doesn't phase me. Which is really the goal, isn't it?
What kind of things spoke to me.. what kind of person I wanted to be. I looked for some good role models. I looked inside myself to see the really ugly stuff I didn't like. I started small. I pitched the stuff I didn't like, I started to do things that I liked. I started to STOP doing things that were expected of me and started to do the things that I thought would lead me on the path to be the man I wanted to be.
Yes, some was surface... buying clothes that I liked, buying music that I felt fit with the kind of guy I saw myself to be. Maybe a few other superficial things.
Mostly, you have to become a person that YOU like.. then the self-confidence comes.
Some would argue that I have way too much self-esteem. They may be right. But it doesn't phase me. Which is really the goal, isn't it?
Beachguyj
Is the King of JUB
Fake it till you make it.
I have normal self esteem. Go out with the attitude that you look great and others will buy it. Be proud. Learn to love yourself. I don't care if others like or love me because I love myself. What others think about you is their problem, not yours.
ixthrock
radical faerie
In one of the Talking Heads' songs. David sings, "I have adopted this and made it my own: cut back the weakness reinforce what is strong."
Each and every one of us is a unique individual; there is no-one else quite like you on the face of the planet. That makes you very special, and most definately important. Think of all the ways you touch others throughout the course of the day. Have you ever seen a smile on a stranger, say, in the next lane of traffic, that added a little boost to your day? Return the favor, and it makes you one awesomely powerful individual.
One must INSIST on holding onto a minority opinion when that opinion happens to be, "y'know, I'm an okay guy." No-one else can do that for you, so the things like that which you learn to do for yourself gives you a lil personal power.
Instead of being unhappy because you're not blah blah blah like so-and-so is, re-evaluate how important those qualities of so-and-so you admire so much actually are in the grand scheme of things. So-and-so may have a bubble butt or curly blonde hair or a fat wallet and a cool sports car or something else you appreciate, but how do those things rate next to a sense of humor, compassion, or self-acceptance and integrity? Think about what it means to you personally to "be a good person," and be THAT.
If you make yourSELF into someone YOU can respect, and love, you'll find it less important whether anyone else is clever enough to love and respect you.
Each and every one of us is a unique individual; there is no-one else quite like you on the face of the planet. That makes you very special, and most definately important. Think of all the ways you touch others throughout the course of the day. Have you ever seen a smile on a stranger, say, in the next lane of traffic, that added a little boost to your day? Return the favor, and it makes you one awesomely powerful individual.
One must INSIST on holding onto a minority opinion when that opinion happens to be, "y'know, I'm an okay guy." No-one else can do that for you, so the things like that which you learn to do for yourself gives you a lil personal power.
Instead of being unhappy because you're not blah blah blah like so-and-so is, re-evaluate how important those qualities of so-and-so you admire so much actually are in the grand scheme of things. So-and-so may have a bubble butt or curly blonde hair or a fat wallet and a cool sports car or something else you appreciate, but how do those things rate next to a sense of humor, compassion, or self-acceptance and integrity? Think about what it means to you personally to "be a good person," and be THAT.
If you make yourSELF into someone YOU can respect, and love, you'll find it less important whether anyone else is clever enough to love and respect you.
braex27
Cerca Trova
Do things that you love. Do things that you're good at. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself.
I have low self-esteem too.
But not really about my looks. I came to terms with them a long time ago when I had insecurities.
I have a problem with how socially awkward I am when I first meet someone - well someone who isn't female anyway.
And because I think about it too much it makes it worse.
Is this even a self-esteem issue? The more I'm typing the less of a self-esteem issue it seems to be.
But not really about my looks. I came to terms with them a long time ago when I had insecurities.
I have a problem with how socially awkward I am when I first meet someone - well someone who isn't female anyway.
And because I think about it too much it makes it worse.
Is this even a self-esteem issue? The more I'm typing the less of a self-esteem issue it seems to be.
Pushyourluck
JUB Addict
One great piece of advice i've received while trying to give up alcohol (definately related to self worth and esteem) was you choose how you feel. Meaning you are in control of the emotions that either hold you back or take you forward in life. You're the master of your own destiny.
Have a picture in your mind of the person you wish to become. A self confidant guy, walking down the street wearing nice clothes with a smile on his face. Picture that guy making conversation with the type of people who will support you in your quest for self esteem.
Sometimes we have to make it perfectly clear in our minds what it is we want to achieve in order for the brain to catch up and say, you know what, maybe sitting here alone in my room isn't getting me anywhere in life, why not lets go out for a walk and see what happens.
Have a picture in your mind of the person you wish to become. A self confidant guy, walking down the street wearing nice clothes with a smile on his face. Picture that guy making conversation with the type of people who will support you in your quest for self esteem.
Sometimes we have to make it perfectly clear in our minds what it is we want to achieve in order for the brain to catch up and say, you know what, maybe sitting here alone in my room isn't getting me anywhere in life, why not lets go out for a walk and see what happens.
Joshua_me
IntoxicatedwithHunkiness
Yeah...
I think the common thread shared by a lot of JUBbers here is low self-esteem.
And why shouldn't we feel that ? We're told by society that we're all "deviants' and going to hell and all of that....
I think our greatest strength could stem from us all bonding together, which is why it upsets me so that often times here at JUB and in" real life" we all seem so hell-bent on tearing each other apart.
I think the common thread shared by a lot of JUBbers here is low self-esteem.
And why shouldn't we feel that ? We're told by society that we're all "deviants' and going to hell and all of that....
I think our greatest strength could stem from us all bonding together, which is why it upsets me so that often times here at JUB and in" real life" we all seem so hell-bent on tearing each other apart.
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By the way.. just in case people think that low self esteem every really goes away..
I still think I'm a short, awkward, bald, pock-marked, over-weight, funny-looking man who has all sorts of deformities that make him walk, talk and move strangely.
But I've managed to just learn to make it part of me. Learn to love your imperfections.. they're part of what can make you cool.
I still think I'm a short, awkward, bald, pock-marked, over-weight, funny-looking man who has all sorts of deformities that make him walk, talk and move strangely.
But I've managed to just learn to make it part of me. Learn to love your imperfections.. they're part of what can make you cool.
LESAINT
Sex God
i found this... it could help.
Self Esteem
Ten Methods For Overcoming Low Self Esteem
Written by Neil Redfern
Tuesday, 22 December 2009 15:22
Low self-esteem can impact every part of your daily life. Feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and embarrassment take hold and keep you from participating in normal activities. The manner in which you see yourself is also the manner in which others see you. If you believe that you have nothing to offer, others will begin to pick up on this. In the same regard, if you feel you are worth being around and that you have plenty to offer, others will pick up on that. You can improve your attitude and your self-image.
Here are ten methods for overcoming low self-esteem:
• Speak Up: Overcoming low self-esteem begins with your own voice. Speak up, and do not be afraid to voice your opinion. Rather than hiding alone in the corner of the room, take an active role in the conversation, and let others know that you are there and you have something to offer. You might just be surprised at how important your views are to others.
• Stand Up Straight: Mom was right! Standing up straight is not only better for your posture it also displays confidence. When you have a slumped appearance, you portray the image of someone who is uncomfortable, and depressed. Making a conscious decision to correct your posture will immediately transform your image.
• Carry Yourself With Pride: Just as it is important to stand up straight, you should also walk with pride. Overcoming low self-esteem truly starts with your outward appearance. Walk tall, do not shuffle your feet, and put a spring in your step. This will give you an energetic appearance that others will perceive as confident and powerful.
• Give Yourself A Pep Talk: Whenever you are feeling a little down, or lacking in self-confidence, give yourself a quick pep talk. Remind yourself of all of your great, unique qualities, and strengths.
• Dress Well: When you look better, you feel better, and this principle applies to self-esteem as well. Take a bit of time to plan an outfit that is flattering, groom yourself, and always take pride in your looks.
• Get Some Exercise: Getting some regular exercise can really make in difference in overcoming low self-esteem. Not only will your physical appearance improve, which will make you feel better about yourself alone, you will also feel better due to the endorphins that are released during your workout.
• Put Yourself Out There: You cannot truly work at overcoming low self-esteem if you do not put yourself out in the world. Do not hide in corners, do not sit in the backs of rooms, and do not remain silent. Put yourself in a noticeable position, speak up, and make your presence known.
• Be Grateful For What You Have: Instead of dwelling on what you do not have, or what you think you want to have, focus on what you do have. Family, love, health, and personal strengths are a few examples of what you should remind yourself to be grateful for everyday.
• Be Positive Toward Others: People who suffer with low self-esteem often tend to be quite negative. Practice being positive toward others by regularly offering complements to co-workers, friends, and family members. Do not take part in destructive behavior such as gossiping. By making a commitment to break free of negativity, people will start to feel better around you and will genuinely want to spend time with you.
• Help Others: Whenever you can, step up and take an active role with others. Offer help in any way that you can. Donate your time to become a mentor, or offer to help a fellow co-worker with a project. You will feel happier, have more confidence when approaching people, and in turn you will open yourself up to many new experiences.
These simple tips can do wonders to help build self-confidence and in overcoming low self-esteem. Try to complete one or two of these steps at a time so that you do not feel overwhelmed. Remember, this process will take time, so relax, and build upon your achievements each and every day.
Self Esteem
Ten Methods For Overcoming Low Self Esteem
Written by Neil Redfern
Tuesday, 22 December 2009 15:22
Low self-esteem can impact every part of your daily life. Feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and embarrassment take hold and keep you from participating in normal activities. The manner in which you see yourself is also the manner in which others see you. If you believe that you have nothing to offer, others will begin to pick up on this. In the same regard, if you feel you are worth being around and that you have plenty to offer, others will pick up on that. You can improve your attitude and your self-image.
Here are ten methods for overcoming low self-esteem:
• Speak Up: Overcoming low self-esteem begins with your own voice. Speak up, and do not be afraid to voice your opinion. Rather than hiding alone in the corner of the room, take an active role in the conversation, and let others know that you are there and you have something to offer. You might just be surprised at how important your views are to others.
• Stand Up Straight: Mom was right! Standing up straight is not only better for your posture it also displays confidence. When you have a slumped appearance, you portray the image of someone who is uncomfortable, and depressed. Making a conscious decision to correct your posture will immediately transform your image.
• Carry Yourself With Pride: Just as it is important to stand up straight, you should also walk with pride. Overcoming low self-esteem truly starts with your outward appearance. Walk tall, do not shuffle your feet, and put a spring in your step. This will give you an energetic appearance that others will perceive as confident and powerful.
• Give Yourself A Pep Talk: Whenever you are feeling a little down, or lacking in self-confidence, give yourself a quick pep talk. Remind yourself of all of your great, unique qualities, and strengths.
• Dress Well: When you look better, you feel better, and this principle applies to self-esteem as well. Take a bit of time to plan an outfit that is flattering, groom yourself, and always take pride in your looks.
• Get Some Exercise: Getting some regular exercise can really make in difference in overcoming low self-esteem. Not only will your physical appearance improve, which will make you feel better about yourself alone, you will also feel better due to the endorphins that are released during your workout.
• Put Yourself Out There: You cannot truly work at overcoming low self-esteem if you do not put yourself out in the world. Do not hide in corners, do not sit in the backs of rooms, and do not remain silent. Put yourself in a noticeable position, speak up, and make your presence known.
• Be Grateful For What You Have: Instead of dwelling on what you do not have, or what you think you want to have, focus on what you do have. Family, love, health, and personal strengths are a few examples of what you should remind yourself to be grateful for everyday.
• Be Positive Toward Others: People who suffer with low self-esteem often tend to be quite negative. Practice being positive toward others by regularly offering complements to co-workers, friends, and family members. Do not take part in destructive behavior such as gossiping. By making a commitment to break free of negativity, people will start to feel better around you and will genuinely want to spend time with you.
• Help Others: Whenever you can, step up and take an active role with others. Offer help in any way that you can. Donate your time to become a mentor, or offer to help a fellow co-worker with a project. You will feel happier, have more confidence when approaching people, and in turn you will open yourself up to many new experiences.
These simple tips can do wonders to help build self-confidence and in overcoming low self-esteem. Try to complete one or two of these steps at a time so that you do not feel overwhelmed. Remember, this process will take time, so relax, and build upon your achievements each and every day.
spooger
JUB Addict
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i agree with the first statement .... and disagree with the last
first ... the last statement --- not true --- not everyone suffers with low self esteem or self worth ... i got over it in my late teens and early 20s (around 23 to be precise) ... how you ask?
on to the first statement for the answer for me ...
when i was feeling worthless .... i decided to do something that would MAKE me quite valuable to others and myself .... VOLUNTEER FOR SOME GOOD CAUSE
when i get feeling blue about myself or my problems, nothing makes me feel better than doing something good for someone ELSE ...
that is the key ... we can all tell you how wonderful you are, and that positive thinking will get you through, but .... nothing works like REALLY BEING WORTHWHILE .... when you do good things for others ... and they appreciate you and tell you .... then you begin to really feel better
so .. go find a benefit for the needy like volunteer at a soup kitchen, shelter, or hospital or nursing home .... there is no shortage of causes looking for good people to help ...
i can guarantee that when you help out and adopt a "cause" as your own & help others ... that you REALLY WILL BE valuable ... and your self worth will improve...
and you know what? ... you meet other like minded people, engage socially ... and maybe meet and make new real friends ...
good luck ...
