I have my old best friend back.. What to do with the ex?

[backseatboy]

I'm back... Always something with me, lol.

My ex and I have been over for almost 7 months and I have been simply avoiding contact with him because our break up. Our break up was due to jealousy issues with my best friend who was second on my priority list to my boyfriend but my boyfriend simply wanted to BE my best friend and eliminate my desire to talk to my best friend AND him. So he made me choose and during the process by best friend was no longer by best friend because of jealousy and trust issues that were created by my ex-boyfriend.

My best friend is kind of like a leftover high school crush who I formed an amazing bond with. I'm not going to lie and say that I don't like my best friend. Now (as of last month) my best friend and I are back to where we were last November and my ex got wind of it and has been constantly trying to see what I'm doing, asking: "when will I be back in town?", "why I have been ignoring him", "what's the drama?" and everything like that.. Twitter, Facebook, Texts, Calls, and even calling on other peoples phone trying to get me to answer. It is kinda ridiculous.

Do I just ignore my ex? We had a incomplete fallout in January where I just kind of stopped talking to my ex without any explanation because I was fed up with the pressure of choosing between my best friend and my now ex boyfriend. Should (1) I explain why I can't handle being his friend, (2) ignore him flat out, (3) act like we are cool and just keep my ex at a distance. I feel like I've sent a good message that I do not want nor need any contact with my ex but he isn't going down easy. :/ help?

 

[rareboy]

Should I

(1) explain why I can't handle being his friend, NO
(2) ignore him flat out, NO
(3) act like we are cool and just keep my ex at a distance.YES

If he is intrusive, tell him it isn't any of his business anymore.

 

[Eagle653]

It really depends on your personality and how charitable you feel toward your ex. If you want to educate him, sit him down and tell him his irrational jealousy was the reason for the break up and if he's going to get by in this world, he's going to need to become realistic about the concept of "best friends" and know that not every partner is, defacto, also one's "best friend." Sometimes partners are, sometimes not. Until he realizes that, he's headed for a lifetime of (unnecessary) grief.

If you're not feeling charitable, or don't want to expend the effort, then coolly tell him it's over, and that's it, and walk away and stop responding to contact he initiates.

 

[backseatboy]

Yeah I've been thinking about it today. I'm naturally a nice kinda guy so it is vary difficult for me to ignore acts of desperation. I'll just tell him it is over in a direct but cool way. It would clear my conscious and then give me the ground to be more direct if things continue badly with him (the ex).

Gracias!

 

[Attack]

Uhh im not as ridiculous as your ex but I know how your ex is feeling.

I can tell yah if hes like me then you absolutely have to tell him straight up, no bullshit, tough love kinda talk that its over. Done. Finished. Not a chance you'll date again.

Ive pushed people before like what your ex is doing but not to such an intrusive degree. I thought that maybe there was still a small chance that we could of been together and I didnt want to let that chance go even though there really never was a chance.

 

[backseatboy]

Thanks Attack. I think I will have to do that next time we run into each other. My ex keyed my car on Friday.. $600 in damage! I'm kind of a car guy so he knew exactly what to do to pinch a nerve. Things are escalating and I know whatever comes next will be confrontational.

I do understand where you are coming from because I was like that with my old best friend from high school although I was respectful, pushy kind of way

 

[G-Lexington]

You've told him where you stand. It's up to him to accept it, or not. Block his number, drop him from facebook, and get on with your life.

Lex

 

[TygreBryte]

By the time somebody gets to keying someone else's car, they've pretty much "left the building," in terms of acceptable/reasonable behavior.

As relationships progress, there are times when it's reasonable/understandable for the partner to say "that friend has to go." If the friend is just too pushy/needy or a user, or maybe if there's been sexual/romantic history, or something else is going on where the friend is actively interfering in the "relationship."

Beyond that, I'm not a big fan of a boyfriend/girlfriend giving their partner "him or me"/"her or me" absolutes. I think the idea that one person, and one person only, can/should/will take care of ALL of the other's social needs is a fantasy, and a weird, narcissistic one at that.

I hope you get the situation resolved with the "ex" before he poisons a design in your lawn or kidnaps a pet.

 

[Eagle653]

By the time somebody gets to keying someone else's car, they've pretty much "left the building," in terms of acceptable/reasonable behavior.

Absolutely true. I think you might be dealing with a whole new ballgame here. Not only was this vindictive, but he's broken the law and, if you could prove it, could have him arrested and charged with vandalism.

Take care of yourself and get protection if you need to, like a retraining order. Be on guard and be careful. Let us know what happens.

 

[bankside]

Yeah, car keying? He's talking about drama because you don't feel you need to give updated position reports on your whereabouts to your ex-boyfriend? And he's the one keying your car.

You do not owe him any explanations, I don't think you should even be talking to him. He sounds like a dangerous control freak, and dangerous people are not our friends.

 

[backseatboy]

Lex, thanks, like always

Tygre, I yelled at him while we were dating about how I'm not choosing one or the other and that I could have a both a best friend (of which I had no romantic ties with) and a boyfriend who I have yet so be sexual with. Like you say, if the relationship progresses, sure. But even at that my best friend was very nice and respectful of the time and space I needed to spend with my bf.

Eagle653, best believe I have a police report filed and if I get solid proof that he (or one of his friends with misplaced jealousy issues) did it I'm definitely going to the Dean at the very least.

Bankside, don't even get me started about the Loopt (iPhone/Blackberry tracking) tiff we had.

And thanks, I really feel more secure in my actions to just leave him alone. He is unstable.. And I do hope that it doesn't escalate any further because I have friends on my side who are ready for revenge. I well never allow that to happen but I'm fearful. My ex-manufactures drama and I'm not working for him anymore. And the funny thing is, after ALL of this I still wish him happiness, lol.

 

[rareboy]

My ex-manufactures drama and I'm not working for him anymore.

Just make sure you don't let him continue to control you with the drama. Keep your friends in check. Deal with his behaviour through the law. And only the law.

 

[bankside]

Just make sure you don't let him continue to control you with the drama. Keep your friends in check. Deal with his behaviour through the law. And only the law.

And the funny thing is, after ALL of this I still wish him happiness, lol.

Okay I have to echo what rareboy said. People like the guy you are describing are unstable and unfortunately showing him good cheer could be dangerous for you or for any friends he decides are "getting in his way."

So, do everyone a favour and follow rareboy's advice. And I would say follow it literally. Cut all ties to this guy. If he finds you the only thing you say is "Leave me alone or you'll be in court" and then back away from him so you can keep an eye on him while calling a friend so someone knows what is going on.

Don't argue, don't respond, and above all, don't wish him well. That could be the only "clue" he needs that you still secretly want him and that he is just supposed to push harder.

If he knows you post here, or could discover it, I'd even suggest asking a moderator to delete the references to that idea.

That's my suggestion for dealing with him. Now you! lol.

When someone keys your car, you don't need to wish them anything but a bucket of poo falling on their head.