I just came out...then back in.

[Ganoderma]

Thank you guys. I love all your feedback. I know my dad needs to get over people finding out. He said that he just wants me to wait for the wedding and after that, i can tell whoever i want but we'll see if that's really his attitude when the time comes. Regardless, today was a pretty incredible day for me. my dad treated me the same as he always has. He came in to say goodnight and that he loves me like he always did. plus that friend of mine i was talking about told me how happy she was for me. I feel amazing. I still have to tell my mom but I'm not that worried about it. It may be a shock to her and possibly break her heart at first but i know she loves me to death and i'm fairly confident i won't lose her because of this.

hi OTHFan,

Thanks for the update, and really wonderful to read that your dad has treated you exactly like he always did. Well, maybe he just needs time to absorbe that his beloved son (= OTHFan) is gay. Parents who have no idea about this, often need time to get used that their son will not bring home a girlfriend, but a boyfriend. So just give him some space. So 'he loves me like he always did' and I think you should take note of this.

I would not follow his advice that you should wait after that wedding before telling other people you are gay. Its not anything of his business, and being gay is nothing to be ashamed of. You are just fed up of lying to people anymore, and that can mean that you don't hide anymore that you are gay. And this does also mean that you don't need to walk around with a cap with 'I am gay' on it, but there is no lying / hiding and denial anymore. Again, facebook might be a good way to let alot of people know abit more about the real OTHFan. There are loads of suble ways to indicate on facebook that you are gay / gay friendly. Maybe some people will react / start asking questions. Well, and then you can give them an honest answer.

I also would like to wish you good luck when you will tell your mom that you are gay. Why do you think that her heart will break? Does she has problems with gay people? Or is she pushing you to find a girlfriend, and to give her grandchildern?

Best wishes, and please keep us informed.

 

[willtate]

Dear Willtate,

Excuse me very much, but I disagree with your opinion. Only homophobe and/or bigotted and/or narrow-minded parents will react on such a way.

Parents who are open-minded and who are aware what is means when people are gay (eg because they have good friends and/or beloved relatives who are gay) won't face any difficulties when their beloved son will tell them that he is a gay, and under such circumstances (so a few months before a wedding). For them it will be no big deal, as it will be very likely that also gay people will attend this wedding party (very likely when around 100 ppl will be on the party). And the beloved uncle Y with husband Z are just 2 of them.

I will give you an example.

(1): OTHFan is a straight guy and just got engaged with a nice girl. At the moment, she is the girlfriend of OTHFan, and both are very serious about the relationship. Ah, and dad will remarry within a few months, so that's a good moment for OTHFan to introduce his girlfriend to the rest of the family (and to alot of friends of his parents as well).

(2): OTHFan is gay and just got engaged with a nice guy. At the moment, he is the boyfriend of OTHFan, and both are very serious about the relationship. Ah, and dad will remarry within a few months, so that's a good moment for OTHFan to introduce his boyfriend to the rest of the family (and to alot of friends of his parents as well).

Or do you try to tell me that the real OTHFan (#2) is not allowed to bring the boyfriend to this party, and that he must ly to all these people that he is 'straight, single, and still looking around for a nice girl'?

Excuse me very much, but I don't see your point. What's the deal to promote homophobes? Is is a shame / bad etc that this dad has a gay son?

I know plenty of families where with a wedding coming they've asked that everything from engagements, relocations, pregnancies have been asked not to be disclosed in order to keep the main focus on the ceremony on hand or who have been resentful of these things being disclosed because even in not intending to do so it shifts the focus from the event (wedding) to the news.

I in no way see his fathers reaction as being homophobic or bigoted at all. In a perfect world he would've embraced his son with a hug and put a big banner out front of the house but all things considered I don't see how you can cast his father in this light.

 

[OTHFan]

Just a quick update, I came out to my mom today and I couldn't have asked for a better response, She wasn't upset at all. She said she was actually relieved because she felt like something has been holding me back in life and she believes this was it and she maybe right. I do feel so much more free and happy now. I've finally told all the people that needed to know and i don't have to carry around this secret anymore. I feel amazing!

 

[Rolyo85]

Congrats, man It feels amazing, I know.

 

[Enduster]

Just a quick update, I came out to my mom today and I couldn't have asked for a better response, She wasn't upset at all. She said she was actually relieved because she felt like something has been holding me back in life and she believes this was it and she maybe right. I do feel so much more free and happy now. I've finally told all the people that needed to know and i don't have to carry around this secret anymore. I feel amazing!

Good for you! Having someone demanding you not come out of the closet nearly 4 months b4 he gets married for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, time because it's "his" day is a poisonous asshole. Seriously, your dad would then invoke his birthday, his baby mommas bday, the 4th of July, the family reunion, and then his 1 year anniversary as excuses for you to suck up being in the closet. Screw him!

 

[Joe Anon]

Good for you! Having someone demanding you not come out of the closet nearly 4 months b4 he gets married for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, time because it's "his" day is a poisonous asshole. Seriously, your dad would then invoke his birthday, his baby mommas bday, the 4th of July, the family reunion, and then his 1 year anniversary as excuses for you to suck up being in the closet. Screw him!

You are extremely impolite and not helpful at all. While I agree with you that the dad responded selfishly with his request, in no way does your ranting help the situation. The guy obviously loves his father, so encouraging him to view him as "a poisonous asshole" (or any of the other vulgar terms you used) is just you venting your own personal frustration instead of contributing to a solution to the guy's problem.

@ OP: You're dad may not have been right to ask of you what he did, but that may merely have been his initial reaction. He may have retracted his request later on upon thinking it over some more or talking to you about it. Anyways, the question seems moot now, because you're out! Congratulations on that I'm glad you came out to everyone and have had such wonderful reactions.