I just came out to my EXTREMLY homophobic best friend. Advice?

[Appleman34]

First, why am I best friends with a homophobe? Well we were best friends as kids and when I also was a homophobe, and in denial. Just wanted to clear that up.

So anyways, I came out to him, and surprisingly he took it very well, and it was like nothing changed. But he's still a homophobe. He said I'm going to go to hell and that I was a sinner, and he said if I'm fine with going to hell, then he doesn't care. I was hoping that coming out to him would get him to be more open minded, because I really don't like all the negative stuff hes says about gay people, but it doesn't look like that will happen. His homophobia comes from being a Christian, so asking him to forget what he was taught and to now believe what I believe would be hyprocritical. He's saying he's cool with it, but I know he's disgusted with me on the inside.

So, what should I do? Do I stop being friends with him? Do I MAKE him believe what I believe?

 

[swerve]

You can't MAKE him believe...

But, whether you can see it or not, by having come out to him -- I strongly suspect that you HAVE made him more open minded...

Personally, I won't associate with people that think any less of me because of who I am -- but, thats your decision...

Congrats on your inner strength -- I'm sure it wasn't easy...

 

[hungrybrownbear]

Nothing wrong with being friends with him, it's your choice really, unless you feel like he's always looking down at you because of your new revelation, I'd say just distance yourself but don't cut ties.

 

[gmoney]

You can't MAKE him believe...

But, whether you can see it or not, by having come out to him -- I strongly suspect that you HAVE made him more open minded...

Personally, I won't associate with people that think any less of me because of who I am -- but, thats your decision...

Congrats on your inner strength -- I'm sure it wasn't easy...

I agree with what Swerve has to say here. There are many times when someone needs a little time to digest the aspect of someone coming out to them. Your friend might lighten up (at least around you) in how he speaks of gay people.

If you can accept him for what he is and have other things besides your sexuality to maintain a friendship, then I say make it happen. You just might educate him along the way.

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Meh... give him time.

But if it were me, I'd just walk away. No point in being friends with people like that.

 

[jizzeater]

So, what should I do? Do I stop being friends with him?

Yes. My prediction is it's only a matter of time before he starts pushing you away with more hostile homophobic comments or behavior.

 

[BFizzle]

Being friends with someone means that they accept you for who you are no matter what. If he doesn't do that, then he's not a very good friend and you would probably be better off without people like that in your life.

 

[operafan]

Maybe you've opened the door. However, if he belittles you or gay people when you are around then he's not your friend.

 

[fetaby]

His homophobia comes from being a Christian, so asking him to forget what he was taught and to now believe what I believe would be hyprocritical

One day when you're further from the closet door, you will realize that asking someone to give you the basic respect you deserve as a human is not hypocritical.

In the eyes of a christian everyone is a sinner, no extra judgement is necessary.

 

[Lube]

Think back to when you were a homophobe. Why were you a homophobe? Indoctrination by the church, but probably also fear. Fear of your feelings, fear of being discovered, fear of yourself.

Do you think he's any different?

You got past that and discovered your true self. Many people never get there, or take decades (myself included).

Give him some time; maybe as others said you can be a role model for him. But if he doesn't start changing in 6 months (if you're willing to wait that long) he's a lost cause. Move on.

 

[BearBoi]

Ask him to sign a petition to make adultery a criminal offence.

Remind him that Jesus never spoke about homosexuality, but did repeatedly admonish adulterers. In fact, according to the OT, adulterers should be killed.

I mean, if he is going to excuse his hate with the Bible, isn't it hypocritical to pick and choose?

 

[Speeds]

He tells you you're going to hell and you're still asking this question?


Stop wasting your time on this guy. Find better friends who will accept you.

 

[Appleman34]

Why do you want to be friends with him?

Well we still have really good times together.

 

[kennny88]

People going to believe whatever they want you can't change people. Just go about your bisiness there is no point being friends with someone like that. It doing nothing but hurting you both. Thats who you are if he don't like it then thats his problem. Just like speeds says find people who has no problems with who you are.

 

[CowboyBob]

Just because you have a history with the man doesn't mean you need to remain friends. Talk about other things when you're with him.

Great avatar, by the way.

 

[DJ1990]

Put a gypsy spell on him.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Why do you want to be friends with him?

I have friends I've had since I was 9, loooooooooooooooooong before I discovered I wasn't a hetero. I'm simply not willing to throw away 25 years of history without giving the guy/s time to think a bit.

You had trouble accepting your homo ways. Imagine HIS struggle with it.

He sounds like a good friend who wants to continue being your friend.
You guys have history together.
Real friends are hard enough to find and keep.
Give him time. Don't expect him to find you a bf.
And do not get him drunk and rub his wiener.

Agreed on all counts.

-d-

 

[freefall]

The irony is that if he keeps on lamenting persistently on you being gay 24/7, I don't see it as 'taking it well'.

But then again, you said he's your longest best friend, so probably it's just a phase he's striving through. He's through the moment akin to a mother grieving to her recently deceased beloved son. He must be torn apart between thinking whether you belong in the burn-in-hell group or the best-friends-forever group.

Give him some time.

 

[rareboy]

He'll either deal with it or he won't.

Don't invest all your time and energy trying to convince him that you're as good a human being as he is.

Move on.

Get better friends.

 

[shainski]

I don't think it is fair to surprise someone with something - and then instantly expect that his/her views should change - Especially when you were part of the same group of ideas. If it were that easy to change our views on anything - than the views weren't worth much to begin with.

What if you were told you were adopted? - or that one of your parents was having an affair. You would probably need time to absorb it before you went further into they whys of it all.

It seems to me that you have no chance of changing anyone's ideas by cutting them off.