I just don't know

[winterknight]

Some of you will be aware that for the last six weeks or so I've been going to this LGBT drop-in thing in Ipswich. It's pretty much the chance I get to interact in real life with other gay people that's acually open at a time I can get to it.

But it's not helping.

The people there are really nice and do their best to make me feel welcome, but they all know each other really well and I just feel like a third wheel. I try to join in the conversation, but I never know what to say and usually just end up sitting in the corner reading for most of the time I'm there.

I have to make this work. I have to. In the evenings I simply feel so much like crap that it's not worth the hassle (and it would be a major hassle) of getting to and from Ipswich after six o'clock. There really is no other means of socializing open to me.

And I'm seriously blowing it. I just don't feel comfortable talking to people, even in an atmosphere like that.

I don't know what else I can try.

 

[Franion]

Keep at it, wk. We all have this when faced with a room full of strangers. Some of us (me included) take a bit more time to melt the ice.

Do try to talk to them a bit more - you say they are friendly. Maybe after the next meeting ask if anyone's got time for a quick half down the Goat & dildo or whatever.

And don't you go crawling back into your bunker.

Good luck.

 

[Brijan]

What if you tried to socialize with one or two of them outside the group.
See if a closer friendship or two will make it easier to be part of the larger group. Plus, you'd have the benefit of new friends and (hopefully) fun memories!

 

[ahotjock71]

What if you tried to socialize with one or two of them outside the group.
See if a closer friendship or two will make it easier to be part of the larger group. Plus, you'd have the benefit of new friends and (hopefully) fun memories!

I second this advice. Make friends with them outside the group, and hang out, get to know them, and they you. Network with them to make friends with their friends.

Don't feel as if you are the fly on the wall. That's just an internal mechanism to cover fear. Try to jump in more (like you do here! ) and speak of things that relate to you and your life. they will pick up on this and begin to talk about things that intrest you.

Again, Good Luck!

 

[Swellegant]

How about a nice board game? I've never known anything to make conversation easier than breaking the ice with a rousing round of Monopoly or Trivial Pursuit. I mean, what are you all doing there at the drop-in thing? Just sitting around talking? Add a few decks of cards to the mix, and you all have something in common.

If that's a no-go, though, just don't sit there reading... listen to them talking to each other. Look like your listening to them and interested in what they have to say. Eventually they'll start asking you questions and getting to know you (unless of course they're so self-absorbed they don't realize you're standing there), or someone will eventually introduce a topic to which you can contribute, and you'll be off and running.

 

[trawler69]

^I think Robert has a good point. If you sit there reading a book it tends to give the message that you don't want to interact. I think you should keep going there as it is you sole outlet into the world apart from work. Interaction will come if you actively try to make it happen. Look at your work colleague who you took 3 weeks to talk to and now you are like "an old married couple" learn lessons from how you made that happen and apply them here.

Also don't run a mile if someone is nice to you it doesn't always mean there is an ulterior motive!

 

[douseiai]

keep with it honey i would definitly say see about socializing with a few of them outside of the group of course...

 

[winterknight]

Sadly, when the place shuts down I've got about five minutes to get to the bus station. So I'm afraid I don't have time to socialise outside the group.

Like I said, this REALLY is the only avenue open to me.

And when I first go in, I always do attempt to join in. And I'm always listening to what they're talking about even when I appear not to be. It's just that I can never think of a single thing to say.

So after about half an hour, I just give up.

 

[The_Reaper]

I know exactly how you feel, thats the way my on campus LGBT Centre is....


the funny thing, I talk to 3 of the guys from there online with no problems and no breaks in conversation, yet in the Centre they're quiet and barely say anything besides Hi.

Stupid Cliques...

 

[luminum]

Why don't you try meeting up with them outside of the group? On a free day, try setting up a movie night or something.

Or, if youc an't do that and want to try finding ways to interact more, talkt o the leader of the group. Say that you ARE having a problem trying to think of things to say even though you ARE listening. Suggest that maybe you guys do some smaller group activiites or play a board game or something with your time there.

Nothing breaks the ice like a game

If they're really good people, they'll be more than happy to take some time to help you communicate with them in different ways.

Keep at it. All things take time and sometimes they take more time than others. Just try your best and contribute something, even if it's already been said. There's no harm in voicing your agreement with someone else's comment.

 

[justsimon]

Try a movie night.

 

[winterknight]

Like I said, there really isn't any easy way that I can meet up with people outside the time the group is on, due to transportation difficulties at my end.

I'll try having a private word with whoever's in charge next week when I go. It really is just half-a-dozen or so people sitting around chatting, so I don't know if bringing in "activities" or anything like that is allowed...

I honestly am trying, it's just the whole "social" thing is so bloody hard for me. But if I don't do something now, I'm gonna wind up lonely my whole life.