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I just need an opinion

From my own personal experience, if a guy lets you touch his thigh and hair... he won't mind you touching other things. LOL

But seriously, he sounds like he's comfortable around you. If he's shy, he wants you to take the lead.
 
HAHAHA that sounds like a plan haha. I'm trying to spend a bunch of time with him. Today we spent a few hours together and for the past two days he's eaten lunch with me after wee finish with classes. Yesterday it ended up a group thing but today it was only us.
 
dragon08 said:
HAHAHA that sounds like a plan haha. I'm trying to spend a bunch of time with him. Today we spent a few hours together and for the past two days he's eaten lunch with me after wee finish with classes. Yesterday it ended up a group thing but today it was only us.
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When I think back on college, I would eat with the same people. Which college do you go to? If you don't mind me asking... I went to college at Texas State.
 
I think I changed it when i was with my ex about six or seven months ago but u forgot to change it back when we broke up lol. No I'm single and I'm not a cheater
 
Instead of trying to make all these plans and strategies, just ask him. It is a simple question, takes to seconds to say and you will get a definitive answer. It must be exhausting sitting and planning jeez.
 
orton86 said:
From my own personal experience, if a guy lets you touch his thigh and hair... he won't mind you touching other things.
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I disagree, as this is part of the culture of the particular guy. You are right when its about a (straight) guy from my culture and I tend to think its also right when its about a (straight) guy from your culture (Houson / US).

But please be aware that guys from a variety of other cultures (e.g. guys born and raised in various parts in Africa and in various parts in Asia) have a totally different opinion about the meaning of guys who are stroking each others' hair, hands, fingers, tights (etc.). For them, that is common behaviour for straight friends when they are good friends of each other. Same like straight guys in such countries walk hand in hand along the street.

I have discussed this item extensively with a straight guy (a womanizer with several girlfriends) who was born and raised in Cameroon, and who was living for some time in my country. He was ofcourse aware that I am a gay guy, and for a while he was often visiting me. For him, there was a clear border: straight guys can touch everything above the belt of his pants, and everything below the middle half of the tights. I tend to think that he is right, and that this is also the case for guys from a variety of other cultures. Besides that, I have travelled around in various countries in Africa and in Asia, and I have experienced it by myself that in quite a few cultures guys can be extremely touchy with each other.

However, this does not mean that all of them will start yellling (or something like that) when you will touch 'other things'. Once again, that depends from the guy and depends from his cultural background.

orton86 said:
But seriously, he sounds like he's comfortable around you.
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I think the above is the key. Once again, it does not mean that the guy is gay. So I agree with others that Dragon08 just must ask 'the question' (direct, or indirect).
 
Whenever a gay boy is dancing around the direct question ESPECIALLY when out to the the other guy, I always suspect it's because he knows the answer and doesn't want to confirm it.

All you have to do to get your answer is ask him out. Failing that ask him if he's gay. Failing that you wallow in the angst swamp - is he, isn't he, oh woe is me....- until you render yourself a caricature.


DON'T BE THAT GUY!

Grab your nutsack and resolve it already. You know how, act.

He may say yes. You'll never know until you do something.

But frankly, if he has closet issues which seems pretty likely IF he turns out to be gay, he's un-dateable anyway.
 
So This is an update before I tell you the final verdict, I'll fill you in on what has happened hitherto.

If you don't care for backstory just read the last paragraph.

So I've continued to hang out with this guy since the last update that I've given you guys.

I continued to test his boundaries, When I approach him I play with his hair, I compliment him, I rest my hand on his shoulder etc., and he does nothing to stop me. So I think ok sure maybe.

Last week we decided to have a little get together and have a movie night. It was a group of about 6 people. Among us were, his roommate and my best friend. So between movies we were joking around and everyone here knows that I am gay. His roommate says some joke where he says something about The guy I like fucking him. The guy I like in disgust says never in a million years. Now unprovoked by me, his roommate continues to joke saying "Oh I'm sure [my name] won't mind" and again the guy I like doesn't really say much. He doesn't act in disgust, and I even play it off and hug him saying "oh yeah I wouldn't mind". Everyone laughs and we all carry on. Also that night we wrestled a bit playing around, and I sat very close to him while watching the movie.

Fast forward a couple days and it is his birthday. I made him a card for his birthday and leave it on his door at night so that he would receive it in the morning. He finds different languages very interesting and he is able to understand a handful of languages. On his birthday card I wrote out a message and every phrase was written out in a different language. In the message I say happy birthday, that I think that he is very handsome and fun, and that I am happy that he is my friend. Those phrases I made sure to write in languages that I know that he would understand instantly even if he didn't understand the entire message.

Later on he thanks me for the card, and I end up going to eat with him, his roommate and another friend for a birthday dinner at a restaurant. We get back and then his roommate started talking about the card among the three of us. They had shown the card to one of their friends and the friend jokingly says "How do you know that this guy isn't coming on to you and you don't even understand it?" The roommate said that he responded saying that it actually could be plausible seeing as though a gay guy gave it to him. We all laugh and again I just flirtingly grab my crush and say something like "who could resist?".

His roommate ends up falling asleep while me and my crush are looking at his new laptop and talking. We were both on his bed with the laptop for a good hour and a half. During this time I am sitting VERY close to him. Our faces were literally 4"-5" away from each other. I strongly considered just going in for a kiss but I decided against it. After a while I had to go because it was already late and I still had homework to do. I then leave.

Today we spent a significant amount of time together I was with a group of friends and without me even seeing him he comes behind me and plays with my hair. We stay and chat for a while, then the group disbands and I end up going to his room. We stay there for a couple of hours and then we decide to go and eat.

While we Eat, I decide to just ask him. I made it in a way so that it didn't seem very intrusive. I asked in a curious manner, "You seem to have this Ambiguous Asexuality about you and I can't pinpoint what you are. Are you Straight, Gay, Bisexual?" He then responds "Oh I'm heterosexual, although I haven't really had a girlfriend in the last four years." We continue to talk and he continues to tell me that he hasn't dated much and the last date that he had went well but that the girl ended up transferring out of state shortly after. He also tells me who he is interested in and I just hide my true dissapointment and just give him dating advice like I do all of my other friends.

So in conclusion it seems that I am just repeating over and over again the same cycle that I can't seem to get out of and I just end up falling for guys that end up being straight in the end. I don't think it's all in my head because even my best friend has seen different stuff and she wasn't sure about him either. But anyways it just seems that I'm just doomed and I should just get rid of my gaydar altogether because the worthless thing never works anyways.
 
You know when you don't need a gaydar? When you deal with out gay guys. Then you don't HAVE to guess. But they are scarier because it's an actual dating scene, and not just wishful thinking.

I actually read through all of your post, and it was pure obsession. NONE of those things meant anything. I have been there - obsessing over details and analyzing them. And I discovered this very simple truth - when it's there, you know it's there without wondering. If you have to ask, then the answer is "no".

You are your own barrier to happiness. There is a gay scene out there, where you don't have to play circles around each other and test waters and play the "is he/is he not" game. A world where he always IS, and you have to actually get him interested in you. Because that's a whole different level which you aren't even reaching when you only stalk straight guys hoping they're secretly gay - the actual process of winning a guy.
 
OP, I don't think you need to give up on your gaydar. Gaydar doesn't work when you're mucking it up with wishful thinking. We've all been there, we've all had that really close friend who was close enough with us that-- were we so inclined-- we could start interpreting and overanalyzing little things he did as being ambiguity or possible interest in us.

The best advice I can give you--- absolutely always assume, completely, that a guy who is straight, or says he's straight, or in any way doesn't tell you he's gay and doesn't come onto you--- is straight, and/or not interested. Even if a guy were questioning his sexuality, that doesn't mean he's material to become your boyfriend tomorrow (or next year.) And it doesn't mean he's interested. Cold, hard truth.

If a guy is gay and interested in you, he's going to make it known to you in a way that doesn't require analyzation, as Rolyo says. If I were analyzing everything my comfortable straight friends do around me, I've had them do everything this guy did with you and more. And it has never wound up being the case that they were trying to secret handshake to me that they wanted something more. They were just comfortable enough with me to play around or be affectionate or touchy, and I'm glad that they feel that comfortable with me.

I think it's very safe to operate with the assumption that if a guy is interested in you romantically, he is going to make it known to you. You are not going to have to follow a trail of breadcrumbs and mild vague hints for weeks or months before finding out.

Good luck.
 
hi dragon08,

Thanks alot for your update. I liked it very much to read the update. So he is a straight guy and that means you cannot start with dating with him. I can imagine myself very well that you are disappointed. On the other hand, he was and he is your good friend and he is very relaxed when both of you are together. And you did not pass a particular border. Right now its clear that he is a straight guy and that you are indeed not allowed to pass this border.

Hey man, its great you have such a good friend and also such other good friends who don't bother that you are a gay guy, and that he and you are very good and very close friends of each other. So you can just continue the friendship with him, but he will never ever become your boyfriend. Maybe he will soon / suddenly find a nice girlfriend, who knows? Maybe this means that he will start spending alot of time together with her? I have no idea. In the meanwhile, just enjoy the good friendship with him (and with the others).

I hope you soon will find a nice boyfriend.

Take care & good luck.
 
dragon08 said:
So in conclusion it seems that I am just repeating over and over again the same cycle that I can't seem to get out of and I just end up falling for guys that end up being straight in the end. I don't think it's all in my head because even my best friend has seen different stuff and she wasn't sure about him either. But anyways it just seems that I'm just doomed and I should just get rid of my gaydar altogether because the worthless thing never works anyways.
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Gaydar has limits.

In even the most optimistic of numbers, 90% of guys are straight. Go in with that assumption. Until they tell you that they are into guys, don't get too emotionally invested in the possibility that they're gay. Otherwise, you're going to get hurt.

One thing is that you're totally missing is that this isn't completely about you. You've got some amazing friends. Boyfriends come and go. Real friends are worth their weight in gold. This guy especially sounds like he's a great friend- don't take that for granted.

Gay men sometimes do find themselves in patterns where they keep hoping that guys are gay or at least bisexual. It is up to you to break that pattern. Sometimes the solution is balancing your friendships where you have some openly gay friends who are available or who have friends who are available.
 
The problem is that there is a very small pool of open gay guys at my school. I go to a small university and i don't have the money to be going to a gay club every week. I am literally one of the leaders of the lgbtq club at my university.

Most of the gay guys are either someone I'm not interested in, they sleep around and aren't looking for a relationship, an ex, or an ex of my ex that would just be awkward to date.

Trust me I'm not being picky either, So like i have said, i don't got many options the way i see it is either i gotta be the go getter and try to find a guy i get along with and hope i hit the 10% mark, sit around like a damsel waiting fitter a prince that'll never come, or string along some guy who I'm not even interested in.
 
I'd agree with the above advice, of course just do it sensibly and safely. San Antonio is not exactly rural Manitoba. ;)
 
Do you guys got any advice for online dating? It seems a but scary to me. It would seem to he that there wouldn't be many people younger than 22 on there
 
Of course there are. I use Ok Cupid. It's a great site if you take the time to make a serious profile and answer enough questions. Definitely recommend it. Also, a lot of search options so that you could get specifically the types you are looking for.
 
If you have a smartphone, some "gay" apps could be useful too: Grindr, Scruff, jack'd, hornet. I mentioned this in another thread but I would not be so dead set on a relationship with a guy. I would say a good chunk of relationships happen by serendipity. Only one of mine was actually "arranged" as a blind date. Yeah, a lot of those apps come off as "hookups" but even just talking to other gays instead of guessing if a guy is straight could be beneficial.
 
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