Alright, the Queen of Depression (see also: Queen of Therpay) is weighing in.
(I use the title jokingly, mind you)(Although I do have 5 therpaists, who have no idea about each other)
The best advice I've had about love and people is this:
Go for the ackward ones. The ackward, a little off beat and strange, people are the ones who make the world go round. I spent so much of my youth looking for the comfortable, cool, trendy, boring people........
and then realized that the ackward ones were the best people after all. And now, having switched targets, I find my life much more interesting and enjoyable.
Further, I also learned to let go of my expectations. Not just for other people, but for myself. I mean, we often expect people to be perfect or judge them by the same scales as we judge ourselves. But other people (this is so important for gay men) are not us. And trying to find someone or some group that fit us exatcly won't work.
I don't to date my ideal match, I want to date someone who loves and repsects me. Those are different things. Often, the people we want are not the people we need.
Also, if the people we are interested in aren't interested in us, then we are ethier looking in the wrong places for love or aren't looking closely enough.
And love?
Well, love is not the ultimate answer to everything. I'd rather have a good friend than a lover. Lovers come and go, friends are forever. It's really something I've learned as I've aged.
Lovers are great for intense moments, but friends create sustained years of pleasure.
That said, I still look around every corner for some boy. But it's also about readiniess. I'm not ready for a intimate relationship yet. I know that. I would fuck it up if I had one.
So I'd rather "he" comes along when I can really enjoy it.
Plus, we have time..........lots of freaking time. You're a young one, kiddo. What about school/work?
I need time to get my education, figure out who I am, and what I want. A man would only screw that up. I've seen so many friends who "fall in love" young, only to really build a co dependat relationship that prevented both parties from growing. It always falls apart in later life.
So relax.
There's more to the world than romatic love. Of course, our culture likes to tell us that without a partner, we're all lonely, despate sad people.
But I'm not Juila Roberts or Sandra Bullock........I'm me. And that's a hell of a lot more fun.
ps: Who cares about looks? I've had lots of pretty lovers who turned out to royal assholes because they were so used to being instantly gratified. When I enter a room, I'm looking for the fugly ones first. They make much better lovers.
LOVE that song - very atypical for Depeche. Even though I hadn't thought of it in ages, I can still recite the lyrics by heart.