I know it's been a while...

[G-Lexington]

OK, let me spell it out for you.

Alex is a fucking mess. He's probably an alcoholic to boot, but that's neither here nor there. He's manipulative - he appears to have you hooked by tossing out just enough hints that maybe something physical could be in the cards. He plays you off of one another - "YOU stuck by me, but YOU didn't, so you're not a real friend."). And his concept of "friend" (his term, not mine) appears to be "someone whom I've guilt-tripped into sticking by me as I fuck around with them".

I don't give a fuck about this problem not because it doesn't involve hot hot sex. I don't give a fuck about this problem because (a) this guy doesn't give a fuck about you, and (b) I don't see any sign from you that you want this problem resolved. All I'm getting from this thread is episodes of Bad Girls Club or Real World or some other crap reality show. "And you won't BELIEVE what happened next!"

This guy is (to quote my father) an asshole of the first waters. The only thing he's adding to your life is more drama, maybe something to talk about with your other friends, and that hope that maybe something is going to come of it eventually. Had this been happening to me, Alex would've been out of my life many steps ago. But now you've got another reason to stick by him - not only is he your "friend" (and maybe more!), but now he's "suicidal" and you're not about to leave him in his time of crisis, are you?

My friends aren't saints or anything. But the biggest problem I ever have with them is something along the lines of "he said he would watch my cat when I was on vacation, but now says he can't." There's no jockeying for position, no drunken outbursts, no hints that maybe we can be more than friends. As I said before, other people might find my life unbelievably boring. But then again, I never have to start threads like this one.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

I meant in particular the last paragraph. Not surprised that was lost on you of all people.

Once you start refering to the people who took even one minute to provide a helpful response to this trainwreck of a life, as 'you people' and infer that we are incapable of understanding your incredibly nuanced prose, I think it is time for you to sit back and evaluate where you're going with this.

I'm thinking you just used up about 86.5 % of any goodwill.

But when it comes to someone who we all know is at the very least confused and the the most fucked in the head - talking about killing himself...nobody here seems to give a fuck.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think theres something wrong with that picture.

There is something wrong with this picture. You running it up the flagpole for entertainment value. If you're so worried, follow the advice instead of squeezing the drama out of it. The way you describe the entire scene says it all. Tiny jealousies, tiny melodramas, everything about the entire situation is viewed at a micro level. Look at the big picture.

We're dealing with rampant and constant alcohol abuse, inability to find work or any meaningful role in life. What do you want from all of us? That we're just as traumatized as you are about this? Frankly I'll start caring about some drunk's threat to off himself when I know that he's sober.

Your friend needs professional help. I believe you need help too.

And it is the kind of help you're not going to get by posting a diary of what Alex did next every day.

 

[Telstra]

this story is too long.
just ask his permission to suck him off.

 

[KaraBulut]

Thoughts?

One word. Rehab

I meant in particular the last paragraph. Not surprised that was lost on you of all people.

I wasn't being glib. This guy is an unfortunate alcoholic with little prospects for the future. He's a prick-tease with a personality disorder.

In your original thread, back in February we covered this same territory and it's now 90 days later and it's even more picked in alcohol and fucked up now than it was in February.

The 14-February post again, because it bears repeating:

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showpost.php?p=3659864&postcount=14

Whether this guy is gay or not is not worth the time. Whether or not you and this guy will ever have sex is not worth the time.

This guy is a mess. Who cares if he is a straight mess or a gay mess?

Find a friend who is not abusive and who is not so starved for attention that he is constantly doing crazy things. If you are going to play around with someone, find someone who is a grownup and who doesn't mistreat women and friends.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Well I know it comes across as he's an alcoholic, but neither of us drink that much. Mostly its one or two nights a week, and we usually have 5-6 cans each at most. On average I'd say we probably have more like 3-4...

Maybe theres a reason he wants to drink all the time? That's kinda what I'm getting at. Usually what happens with a lot of people that are depressed or whatever.

Haven't seen him on MSN today yet, which is strange...Oh well.

 

[EvilForce]

So it's the same melodrama 3 1/2 months later? Dude, seriously, you aren't going to get any clearer signs from this guy. He wants your junk. Screw up your courage and take a leap. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. It's the way life works.

 

[KaraBulut]

Alcoholism isn't about what you drink or how much you drink, it's a pattern of behaviors. This guy is the poster boy for alcohol abuse.

Here's a few questions from the screening test for alcoholism:

1. Do you feel you are a normal drinker? ("normal" - drink as much or less than most other people)?
2. Have you ever awakened the morning after some drinking the night before and found that you could not remember a part of the evening?
3. Does any near relative or close friend ever worry or complain about your drinking?
4. Can you stop drinking without difficulty after one or two drinks?
5. Do you ever feel guilty about your drinking?
6. Have you ever gotten into physical fights when drinking?
7. Has drinking ever created problems between you and a near relative or close friend?
8. Has any family member or close friend gone to anyone for help about your drinking?
9. Have you ever lost friends because of your drinking?
10. Have you ever gotten into trouble at work because of drinking?
11. Have you ever lost a job because of drinking?

http://depression.about.com/od/screeningtools/l/blmast.htm

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Alcoholism isn't about what you drink or how much you drink, it's a pattern of behaviors. This guy is the poster boy for alcohol abuse.

Here's a few questions from the screening test for alcoholism:

1. Do you feel you are a normal drinker? ("normal" - drink as much or less than most other people)?
2. Have you ever awakened the morning after some drinking the night before and found that you could not remember a part of the evening?
3. Does any near relative or close friend ever worry or complain about your drinking?
4. Can you stop drinking without difficulty after one or two drinks?
5. Do you ever feel guilty about your drinking?
6. Have you ever gotten into physical fights when drinking?
7. Has drinking ever created problems between you and a near relative or close friend?
8. Has any family member or close friend gone to anyone for help about your drinking?
9. Have you ever lost friends because of your drinking?
10. Have you ever gotten into trouble at work because of drinking?
11. Have you ever lost a job because of drinking?

http://depression.about.com/od/screeningtools/l/blmast.htm

I can't answer for Alex of course, but as for me:


Do you feel you are a normal drinker? ("normal" - drink as much or less than most other people)? I drink less than most people I know around here.
Have you ever awakened the morning after some drinking the night before and found that you could not remember a part of the evening? No I haven't sir. Contrary to what Alex thinks. Haha.
Does any near relative or close friend ever worry or complain about your drinking? No, my older brother (whos turning 21 in a month and a bit) occasionally makes reference to it, but its only because he's into the whole Christian thing and they act like its bad. He drinks as well. Moreso than me.
Can you stop drinking without difficulty after one or two drinks? I can. As I said, I don't drink all that much anyway. Only out of boredom because around here, there's fuck all to do besides drinking/drugs. And I won't touch that shit.
Do you ever feel guilty about your drinking? Not at all.
Have you ever gotten into physical fights when drinking? Only once with Dylan ironically. But then that was when I had quite a few drinks, pretended to pass out to see what they'd do. Didn't end well. Long story. He wonders why I hate his two brothers.
Has drinking ever created problems between you and a near relative or close friend? No.
Has any family member or close friend gone to anyone for help about your drinking? No.
Have you ever lost friends because of your drinking? No.
Have you ever gotten into trouble at work because of drinking? No. Its not seen as normal for people at work who don't drink. Apparently it's the cool thing to do. But I didn't drink because of that. I did as a social thing with Alex and Dyl.
Have you ever lost a job because of drinking? No.

What do you mean by pattern of behaviors? The way he acts when he's drinking I take it?

EDIT- In response to the poster above...I noticed in other threads here, people talk about straight guys acting the way he does and teasing etc...The fact that up until a couple of nights ago, he never did anything like that in front of anyone else made me wonder. But then, it seems he only did that then to make Dylan jealous. To drive in the point that he was pissed off at him, and considered me a better friend than Dyl. God knows how that was meant to come across to Dylan, but still.

 

[seanystarr]

this dude is seriously fucked up - and i think you might be too. break away from a bad sitution!

 

[KaraBulut]

What do you mean by pattern of behaviors? The way he acts when he's drinking I take it?

A working definition of alcoholism: when alcohol becomes the obstacle in relationships with other people, prevents the person from finding success in life or is the constant source of fuck-ups, excuses and escape.

For your friend, alcohol is not his only problem but it's a big one. And he's got a host of enablers around him.

I didn't mean to imply that you were an alcoholic but honestly, you need to look around you and ask how long you can be a functional person when there's so many dysfunctional people around you.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Heh, me, Alex and Dyl put the fun in dysfunctional.

I know what you mean, I've mentioned it to him before, he needs to get out and do shit that doesn't involve drinking. I told him we never catch up unless it involves getting drunk, which is his problem, everytime I suggest something, he refuses, because he thinks it sucks or whatever. I asked him just before, he seems more open about talking about what happened the other night and he acknowledges that drinking as much as he does is bad.

As for what seany said...what kinda mate would I be to just fuck off on him when it's clear thats why he's the way he is atm. Because other people have done that to him. Whether he wants to admit it or not. Basically he has about six friends. Dylan, and this Brady weirdo I've never met, who Alex thinks both turned their backs on him. His so called girlfriend, his cousin who lives in Melbourne (who hates me apparently), Bizza, who we rarely see because he lives out of town and never bothers to tell us when he's in town...even though he lives right around the corner from me...and then theres me.

Pretty much I'm the only one who's stuck by him.

 

[G-Lexington]

Friend is as friend does. And I'm talking about him now, not you. Yeah, stick by your friends ,but only if they ARE friends. Only if they've been friends to YOU. Alex doesn't sound like he's been much of a friend to you. You're under no obligation to stick by someone who's been an asshole to you.

Lex

 

[EvilForce]

IntoTheD, I think you have a crush on this boy. I think he likes you too. His recent falling out with Dylan also has signs all over it. My guess is he and Dylan had sex, dated, or hooked up at least once if not more. I'd put $20 on it. Stop looking for excuses, shut up, and kiss him. If you want it you have to reach out and grab it. If you refuse, don't complain the world didn't hand it to you on a silver platter.

 

[G-Lexington]

^ This COULD be accurate, but do ask yourself if this is the sort of tar baby you want to stick yourself to.

Lex

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

IntoTheD, I think you have a crush on this boy. I think he likes you too. His recent falling out with Dylan also has signs all over it. My guess is he and Dylan had sex, dated, or hooked up at least once if not more. I'd put $20 on it. Stop looking for excuses, shut up, and kiss him. If you want it you have to reach out and grab it. If you refuse, don't complain the world didn't hand it to you on a silver platter.

There is no way in hell Dylan is gay/bi or anything like that. Trust me on that. As for Alex, I'm still not sure. Up until the other night, everything he did that hinted at that he only did when we were by ourselves. There were other times when Dylan was around, and a few others, including Bizza. He never did anything like that. My guess is either he's open to it, or he knows I am, and is idk, trying to get me to come out to him.

 

[EvilForce]

There is no way in hell Dylan is gay/bi or anything like that. Trust me on that. As for Alex, I'm still not sure. Up until the other night, everything he did that hinted at that he only did when we were by ourselves. There were other times when Dylan was around, and a few others, including Bizza. He never did anything like that. My guess is either he's open to it, or he knows I am, and is idk, trying to get me to come out to him.

You might just be surprised. Please trust me when I tell you that in my almost 4 decades, many times the dudes you think are the str8'ist are poofters.

Tell you what, write down that if in 6 months you don't find out Dylan and your man did the McNasty, I'll owe you $20. In fact I have $30 Australian sitting here, so let's call it that. I'll admit I'm not perfect, but it's rare that I"m wrong when it comes to boys and sexuality. It's my gift you might say.

I've also spent almost 6 months cumulatively in Australia and New Zealand. This boy you are interested in, is not straight. I'm not misreading some cultural thing. He wants your body dude. (Now, I think he's a bit of a mess, but nonetheless, he wants to boink you.) The next time you two are alone, kiss him, grab his junk, compliment him, get into the bathtub, watch some bisexual porn, whatever. There is no more "could he be", "maybe he is", "did he mean" questions. The answer is clear as day. Even if in the slimmest of chances you misread him, who cares? He's made an ass of himself in front of you and expected you to forgive him. You can appeal to the same logic. But I'm 99.5% certain he wants to stick his dick in you.

 

[KaraBulut]

As for what seany said...what kinda mate would I be to just fuck off on him when it's clear thats why he's the way he is atm. Because other people have done that to him. ...

It's part of the pattern with addicts. Friends fall into the pattern of either enabling their addiction or they walk away in disgust.

Pretty much I'm the only one who's stuck by him.

No, you've gone the enabler route.

 

[954dude]

Would this be easier if you and him could communicate on the phone or in person about the situation? Don't keep putting off and delaying what you're trying to accomplish.

 

[IntoTheDarkness]

Thats the thing, I'm not entirely sure I want anything to happen anymore. I mean, it would be good if it did...but you guys have seen what he's like. He flips out at nothing, with no warning. Whether he's drinking or not (moreso when he isn't actually) and if something was to happen...what do you think the chances are of it turning out bad like that?

 

[rareboy]

what do you think the chances are of it turning out bad like that?

You're not asking for advice anymore, you're just asking for speculation. Is it just in order to keep the thread going?

As I see it, the topic of Alex is pretty much exhausted. We've dissected him and found him seriously wanting. You've been given lots of advice which you don't seem to want to take on board.

If you don't want anything to happen, don't let it. If you do decide to have a fling with this person, just accept the consequences and don't look for pity or support because you made a bad decision.