I like my... teacher!

[new86]

So guys, I need help.

I'm studying at university and there is this guy, who's like 26 or so, who sometimes helps/substitutes our teachers (so, technically speaking, he is a teacher of mine, too).

Now... I like him. Not that i fell in love, but he is just sooooo cute sweet and adorable! And from the firts time he entered the classroom, my gaydar started sounding loud...

so I'd like to get in touch with him, at least to be friends or I HOPE something more.
The problem is: how? My first idea was to ask him for help after school, as he once helped me and a group of classmates to do some exercise and offer him a coffe after that. So to start conversation.

BUT I am too nervous in doing so, and also we don't have exercises now... so zero excuse to ask him for a coffee!

Finally I though that I could send him a letter by post (of course without writing the sender's name) in which i tell him I'm a guy who is interested in meeting him, letting him my cell number and asking him to write if he wants.

This is the best I could take out of my mind... I know it's not the best choice, but... it is not rude, too direct or embarassing for him in case he's straight... right?

What do you think? Suggestions? Better ideas?

 

[sixthson]

You're 21 and a man, so I wouldn't play any games with him, just be yourself and contact him in any way you want and tell him you appreciated what he did for you and you'd like to take him to coffee. I know you are shy, but try to get over it. All he can say is 'no'. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You're not asking him on a date, just a friendly cup of coffee.

Go for it, buddy.

 

[megustamyn]

Wait until the term is over. Generally, teachers are not allowed to date their students, regardless of age. It's usually included in the code of professional ethics that they must abide by. It sounds like this guy is a graduate student serving as a teaching assistant. This is a pretty common way for students to work their way through graduate school and may be a required component of his program if he is on a fellowship. I would not allow my TA to date anyone in the class. You could jeopardize his position by pursuing him.

 

[PieRules]

Wait until the term is over. Generally, teachers are not allowed to date their students, regardless of age. It's usually included in the code of professional ethics that they must abide by. It sounds like this guy is a graduate student serving as a teaching assistant. This is a pretty common way for students to work their way through graduate school and may be a required component of his program if he is on a fellowship. I would not allow my TA to date anyone in the class. You could jeopardize his position by pursuing him.

^^ ABSOLUTELY agree on that quote. Wait until the term is over before pursuing him for the reasons stated above.

 

[Tightnwhite]

So guys, I need help.

I'm studying at university and there is this guy, who's like 26 or so, who sometimes helps/substitutes our teachers (so, technically speaking, he is a teacher of mine, too).

Now... I like him. Not that i fell in love, but he is just sooooo cute sweet and adorable! And from the firts time he entered the classroom, my gaydar started sounding loud...

so I'd like to get in touch with him, at least to be friends or I HOPE something more.
The problem is: how? My first idea was to ask him for help after school, as he once helped me and a group of classmates to do some exercise and offer him a coffe after that. So to start conversation.

BUT I am too nervous in doing so, and also we don't have exercises now... so zero excuse to ask him for a coffee!

Finally I though that I could send him a letter by post (of course without writing the sender's name) in which i tell him I'm a guy who is interested in meeting him, letting him my cell number and asking him to write if he wants.

This is the best I could take out of my mind... I know it's not the best choice, but... it is not rude, too direct or embarassing for him in case he's straight... right?

What do you think? Suggestions? Better ideas?

Make an appointment to see him in his office for help on something you dont understand in class. Use the time to get to know him and if you're still interested then ask if he wants to get a coffee.

It's taboo to date students...but it happens...you just shouldn't expect better grades because of it and he shouldn't exploit you being his student.

People meet in the oddest places...so you never know, but I think giving him your number is a bit...desperate

 

[conrad]

Friend you are getting some good thoughts for you to mull over. My journey into the fullness of my sexuality was a very happy journey. I have never looked for casual sex and over a long life have had just six partners, both male and female, in long term relationship. The sex was fantastic but it never happened quickly. We first became friends, then more than friends, and along the way the manner in which we expressed our regard for the other became more physical. Then there came that wonderful time when sex together seemed the most natural and right thing. But to me and my partners the sex was the confirmation of the bonds that already been created between us. It was great sex and only became more intense with each repeat.

Go for the gold of a genuine relationship. Of course, all relationships do not become sexual, but, in my experience the relationship is fundamental to all good sex. Friendship with a teacher is fine, but know that ethical teachers know better than to become sexually involved with a student.

 

[Brijan]

I echo the "wait until you are no longer his student" sentiments.

Once you meet that criteria, just ask him out for coffee.
Don't over think it.

 

[new86]

So guys you pointed out so many interesting opinions that is hard to asnwer to everyone.

Anyway:

"It sounds like this guy is a graduate student serving as a teaching assistant."

YES EXACTLY I was not able to say that ;-)


JUST ASKING: It is not easy just to ask him. And not only because I'm shy, but also because it is not common here to ask a teacher to grab a coffee... they usually arrive for the lesson and go away, and as in his case you don't see them around if they are working in another building (as he does).

SAFETY ZONE: yes, I don't want and cannot go out of my safety zone, I'm at school, i have other 2 years in that school and I cannot just let out i'm gay, especially to a teacher whose sexuality is not clear (I don't know how he will react). The letter was the best way I could think of to assure safety untill he shows interest. Not the best way (what if he gets scared by that?)

GRADES?! I don't expect better grades by doing that! I just wanna get to know him better, who cares about grades! ;-)

WAIT TERM IS OVER: I know it is not very good for students/teachers to have any contact... but.. I'm unsure, I cannot wait 4 months... or can I? This will not change the fact that next year he will still be my teacher... I don't want to wait for my school to be totallay over (2 years and a half from now)!

Now i don't really know what to do...

 

[cit2mo]

have other 2 years in that school and I cannot just let out i'm gay

If you are not out, and have no intention of coming out, then how do you plan on dating a guy?

I guess it could be a secret affair but Can BFs really be secrets, that just sounds like a hook up to me...

 

[gotdimples77]

I think you will be happier if you come out, generally. And as far as the teacher goes, you do have to wait till you are not his student. As far as asking him out...you obviously share an interest in at least one subject so I would think that could be your in as far as starting a conversation. Just be like "It's really great talking to you, none of my ex-boyfriends ever understood my fascination with trigonometry" or whatever...youve immediately comeout to him and implied an attraction...see how easy that is?

 

[new86]

cit2mo... it is not required letting the whole university to know about my sexuality to have a BF, isn't it? I know some guys who have great relationships and who are not out with everyone, just the ones they want to know. And i don't want to come out at school to the moment. Period.

 

[3nipples]

The letter is a really dumb idea. He'll probably discard it regardless of whether he's gay or not and regardless of whether he might be interested. Then what will you do? You won't be able to approach him anymore for fear of him thinking it was you...

Can't you just go up to him and ask him a question. Pretend you didn't understand something... alternatively, ask him about his career path, did he do his undergraduate courses in your uni or another...

Oh, and technically, he's not your teacher but a fellow student who is senior to you and happens to be helping to teach you.

(btw., what are you studying?)

 

[yourally]

PLEASE don't do the letter, I know that I'm the last who should give advice.but think about this...what if he FREAKS OUT, chalks it up as sexual harassment and presses charges and the fingerpints lead back 2 u or SOMETHING like that...the risks are 2 big...and besides he'll think whoever sent it 2 him is immature...try 2 find another way

 

[3nipples]

PLEASE don't do the letter, I know that I'm the last who should give advice.but think about this...what if he FREAKS OUT, chalks it up as sexual harassment and presses charges and the fingerpints lead back 2 u or SOMETHING like that...the risks are 2 big...and besides he'll think whoever sent it 2 him is immature...try 2 find another way

I doubt that there would be any such grave consequences even in the US (presuming that that's where you live), but in Switzerland there is no such danger. Nevertheless the letter is a bad idea regardless of where you live.

 

[new86]

Oh, and technically, he's not your teacher but a fellow student who is senior to you and happens to be helping to teach you.

correct! i was not able to explain as good as you did.

I'm studying architecture, he's civil engineer and works at one on the school laboratories.

Fingerprints? haha i've thought about that, but considered that problen non-existent!

And no, i'm not sure he's single (anyway he does not have any ring, if that counts) and i'm not sure he's gay... my he really seems to me ;-)

 

[megustamyn]

In general, professional codes of conduct forbid dating relationships where there is an imbalance arising out of a professional relationship. Examples of this are doctor/patient, supervisor/subordinate, pastor/parishioner, and teacher/student. Sometimes relationships are forbidden between professional peers if there is the possibility of a conflict of interest arising; the prosecutor and the defense attorney on a case would be an extreme example.

Teaching assistants are not technically faculty, but they lecture, grade student work and may have significant input on a professor’s overall evaluation of students. Thus, a relationship between a TA and student can give the appearance of improper or unprofessional behavior. I have moved in academic circles all my life because my mother was a college professor and it’s been my experience that such relationships are frowned upon even though not always expressly forbidden.

If my TA’s lover registered for one of my courses I would not expect them to break up. However, I would not allow the TA to evaluate that person’s work. A TA who begins a relationship with someone in the class might be subject to discipline.

There are good reasons for having these rules, although they are sometimes hard to follow. I was once involved with someone I supervised when I was in the corporate world and I got in trouble for it. Looking back on it years later, I understand. I also had a huge crush on a TA when I was in seminary, of all places. I got over it.

 

[Green_Man_007]

So guys, I need help.

I'm studying at university and there is this guy, who's like 26 or so, who sometimes helps/substitutes our teachers (so, technically speaking, he is a teacher of mine, too).

Now... I like him. Not that i fell in love, but he is just sooooo cute sweet and adorable! And from the first time he entered the classroom, my gaydar started sounding loud...

[snip]

This is the best I could take out of my mind... I know it's not the best choice, but... it is not rude, too direct or embarassing for him in case he's straight... right?

What do you think? Suggestions? Better ideas?

Build a light, honest friendship for paving roads to any opportunities when you are no longer a student under his direction.

Do NOT put him in the awkward situation of a sexual relationship where he would fear being perceived as the sexual aggressor.

It would not matter --- to outward appearances --- if actual truth accounts that you tied him up, forced his arousal into a steel-hard boner, and rode his cock until he was dehydrated from cumming.

As long as there is the student/teacher dichotomy in your societal roles, we live in a culture that has nothing better to do than complicate private lives, including careers.

WAIT on the overture until you're in different classes, and in the meantime, ...

...pick up some reasonable facsimile guy at a queer bar for a little fun, and develop your powers of imagination. If that guy gets too close for your comfort, just say bluntly, "You look like someone I have a crush on," and tell him there's no spark between you.

 

[jamesshady]

Don't really have any advice to say, but if that's your picture in your avatar and your profile page, and if he's really gay your professor would be crazy to turn down a cup of coffee from you! I bet he's been wanting to ask you out as well...