I`m losing my mindddd!!! need an advice!

[ben9651]

I`m a foreign student and i met a guy on some gay site .We started chatting.. it was cool,after a month we met in real and we both liked each other .. 10 days later i had to fly back home for the summer break.. so we agreed on having a night to ourselves before i went home .. 3 days before the flight . he disappeared! NOTHING! his phone was dead ..nothing on facebook either..so i went crazy ! when i got home he sent me a msg on facebook and we talked and he said that he had left his phone at work and he didnt have my number and shit.
So we talked and i decided to give him another chance .. through out the summer break i used to call him and used to chat with him almost everyday . and there were times that he would disappear for a few days or so and would afterwards say that he was "at crazy parties" and that there will be days like this that he wont answer his phone . (oh btw he drinks and parties alot. and he smokes weed and god knows what else he`s hiding).
so i come back august 22nd and first day he has work . we keep chatting while he`s at work .. he says that he cant meet the next day either becuz he`s got something to do so we`ll meet 24th (wednesday) .. on wednesday he says that he has to continue where he left off at work and he cant meet so i got angry and went to his work to see him at his 20 minute break . so we did . we hugged a bit and i left afterwards . since 24th til now(29th) he`s been gone.. the phone keeps goin on and off .. i sent about 10 texts and called at least 20 times ! and still nothing to be heard .he didnt log in to his facebook account or skype (he could be blocking me ) .. So .. tonight i talked to another dude and we`re supposed to hook up at his place (just sex .. no emotions and shit) but i`m afriad that my "bf" will call and we`ll get back together and i`ll regret it afterwards!!! I have no idea what to do . should i text one of his friends or would that be too stalkerish kinda vibe ?,,, HELP !!!!!

 

[ben9651]

Oh take for granted that while i was back home .. he would suggest all kinda plans to do when i get back and that kinda shittt... (god i`m pathetic) .

 

[KaraBulut]

He's got problems. Big problems.

Don't waste more energy on this. It's time to move on to someone who isn't on their way to a vacation at the Betty Ford Center.

 

[anchihiro]

Just get rid, he's a flaky person with no consideration.

 

[ben9651]

its like i dont wanna be too harsh ..i mean if he didnt tell me about all his plans for us and shit . i would understand that maybe he`s not interested. but he did ! and its just a fucked up situation!

 

[rareboy]

Snap out of it.

You can do better.

He may actually need harsh instead of babying in order to help him grow the fuck up.

 

[Seasoned]

Ben, something in life has unfortunately set up up to be a perfect co-dependent. I don't mean that to be a mean assessment because I also fall into that category. I do hope you take stock of what I write because I do so out of true regard for your well-being.

"Forgiving" everything, mild stalking and constant preoccupation are sure signs. Get ahold of the book, Co-dependent No More and see how much fits. He is not your b/f and has become an obsession. Please self correct before this carries over to your next potential relationship. If you didn't have certain inclinations you wouldn't be affording any time or energy on him.

 

[pai mei]

I`m a foreign student and i met a guy on some gay site .We started chatting.. it was cool,after a month we met in real and we both liked each other .. 10 days later i had to fly back home for the summer break.. so we agreed on having a night to ourselves before i went home .. 3 days before the flight . he disappeared! NOTHING! his phone was dead ..nothing on facebook either..so i went crazy ! when i got home he sent me a msg on facebook and we talked and he said that he had left his phone at work and he didnt have my number and shit.
So we talked and i decided to give him another chance .. through out the summer break i used to call him and used to chat with him almost everyday . and there were times that he would disappear for a few days or so and would afterwards say that he was "at crazy parties" and that there will be days like this that he wont answer his phone . (oh btw he drinks and parties alot. and he smokes weed and god knows what else he`s hiding).
so i come back august 22nd and first day he has work . we keep chatting while he`s at work .. he says that he cant meet the next day either becuz he`s got something to do so we`ll meet 24th (wednesday) .. on wednesday he says that he has to continue where he left off at work and he cant meet so i got angry and went to his work to see him at his 20 minute break . so we did . we hugged a bit and i left afterwards . since 24th til now(29th) he`s been gone.. the phone keeps goin on and off .. i sent about 10 texts and called at least 20 times ! and still nothing to be heard .he didnt log in to his facebook account or skype (he could be blocking me ) .. So .. tonight i talked to another dude and we`re supposed to hook up at his place (just sex .. no emotions and shit) but i`m afriad that my "bf" will call and we`ll get back together and i`ll regret it afterwards!!! I have no idea what to do . should i text one of his friends or would that be too stalkerish kinda vibe ?,,, HELP !!!!!

question: is he out? it sounds like he can't bring himself to actually be with a guy yet. it sounds like he's afraid. maybe he does go out a lot, maybe he does drink a lot and get high alot, (thats no big deal imo) but texting someone is something people do while they're out drinking, partying, etc. so that doesn't fly.

i'd move on personally, because to me it sounds like he is nowhere near ready for a relationship, or even a gay friendship. maybe he never will be.

 

[sixthson]

To be fair, he did tell you he was a party guy and he did tell you there would be times he would not have his phone on. While he is probably a flake, you sound pretty obsessive, yourself. For your own mental health, you should probably walk away now, but I hope you learn more about yourself from this than you learn about him. You can't walk away from yourself.

 

[ben9651]

thanks for all the input guys . ummm no he`s not out to his parents but most of his best friends know.
Yes i agree that he did tell me that he`s a party guy but then again why would he make such promises and plans and say that he`ll wait for me and i do believe that he did ! It doesnt really make sense!

 

[ben9651]

its just soooooooo hard to find a guy that u actually like and click with! this is very frustrating!

 

[ben9651]

Ben, something in life has unfortunately set up up to be a perfect co-dependent. I don't mean that to be a mean assessment because I also fall into that category. I do hope you take stock of what I write because I do so out of true regard for your well-being.

"Forgiving" everything, mild stalking and constant preoccupation are sure signs. Get ahold of the book, Co-dependent No More and see how much fits. He is not your b/f and has become an obsession. Please self correct before this carries over to your next potential relationship. If you didn't have certain inclinations you wouldn't be affording any time or energy on him.

cut me some slack will ya ? "he is not ur boyfriend" .. he`s the one who suggested that we would be boyfriends,not me!

 

[Rolyo85]

It doesn't necessarily matter what has been said, more important is what it feels like. And if it doesn't feel like you have any real relationship to the rest of us from what you posted here, I suspect it doesn't feel like that to you either.

 

[HunterM]

cut me some slack will ya ? "he is not ur boyfriend" .. he`s the one who suggested that we would be boyfriends,not me!

Although he suggested you two should be a couple, did you two make it official? Did you two committed in an exclusive relationship and set acceptable boundaries for both of you?

 

[ben9651]

Although he suggested you two should be a couple, did you two make it official? Did you two committed in an exclusive relationship and set acceptable boundaries for both of you?

that would be a NO . christ !! i snapped .. i decided to send his friend a msg and asking her about him .. she said that she also hasnt talked to him for a week /. and then as the conversation went on . she`s was like .. i have no idea what to say .. maybe he wants to stop seeing you ? or maybe he`s not feeling good . !!! OH MY GOD ((((((((

 

[TX-Beau]

OK it's time for a reality check.

We don't have a clue what's going on with him. No idea. No one in here can read his mind, and unless he wanders in here and explains himself we're never going to know what's up with him.

You on the other hand have begun hunting him down through his friends who also have no clue what's going on in his head.

Get a grip, obviously he doesn't want what you do.

"....but but but he said..."

So the fuck what? There are guys who just lie, there are guys who mean well then freak out, there are guys who are just crazy. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE SAID!

All that matters is what he does and that isn't being your boyfriend.

Yes it sucks and yes it's frustrating but then what do you do?

You obsess and stalk and try to demand attention and what has that availed you?

Nothing.

If you won't walk away from this that's on you for making a choice to torture yourself over and obviously toxic situation. Why would you do that?

Because you built up a ton of expectations in your own head and now are terribly pissed off they were illusions all along.

He isn't your boyfriend, your entire interaction was virtual of one for or another, you've actually seen the guy in the flesh how many times?

And now you're worried that fucking another guy is somehow what? Cheating?

You need to check yourself and walk away, because from here on out how you respond is on your own head.

 

[ben9651]

OK it's time for a reality check.

We don't have a clue what's going on with him. No idea. No one in here can read his mind, and unless he wanders in here and explains himself we're never going to know what's up with him.

You on the other hand have begun hunting him down through his friends who also have no clue what's going on in his head.

Get a grip, obviously he doesn't want what you do.

"....but but but he said..."

So the fuck what? There are guys who just lie, there are guys who mean well then freak out, there are guys who are just crazy. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE SAID!

All that matters is what he does and that isn't being your boyfriend.

Yes it sucks and yes it's frustrating but then what do you do?

You obsess and stalk and try to demand attention and what has that availed you?

Nothing.

If you won't walk away from this that's on you for making a choice to torture yourself over and obviously toxic situation. Why would you do that?

Because you built up a ton of expectations in your own head and now are terribly pissed off they were illusions all along.

He isn't your boyfriend, your entire interaction was virtual of one for or another, you've actually seen the guy in the flesh how many times?

And now you're worried that fucking another guy is somehow what? Cheating?

You need to check yourself and walk away, because from here on out how you respond is on your own head.

yea .. fuck u dude (that felt good) , thanks for reality check .
That is it . i`m walking away .. i`m driving myself and everyone around me crazy. It was hell from the beginning.I`m just gonna stop trusting people from now on. Thanks guys for all the support!
Peace.

 

[Rolyo85]

Um, that was SO the wrong conclusion to draw from it. You shouldn't stop trusting people, you should learn to read them better. A HELLUVA lot of people are totally worth trusting.


Also, I'm now officially a TX-Beau fan. Just throwing it out there.

 

[MoltenRock III]

Wow! You should have flushed this turd months ago. He's toxic, move on. But now you want to condemn all men? Issues and tissues my friend.

For the life of me I cannot fathom why anyone would call someone 20 times straight trying to get them to pick up. So odd.

 

[pat grimshaw]

He may have some undiagnosed medical condition. Have you heard about the Sebstian Flyte Syndrome?