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- Jun 30, 2009
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Hmmm, I'm gonna be a bit cold on this one, because I think that both of you have certain issues that glossing over would be no benefit towards.
It seems to me that in your hopes of finding a guy to date, you'd be likely to ignore or diminish any negative traits the guy might have, simply because he's the one in front of you at this time. That's a bad thing if you do it in heavy doses, which seems apparent.
Don't get me wrong, there are times when it's good and healthy to diminish or come to accept the negative traits of a person. No person on this planet, no matter what you might think, is perfect. We all have flaws, and to be in a long-lasting relationship, you have to learn to deal with those flaws in the other person, and also yourself.
However, when you realized (and he readily admitted) that he's a heavy partier, that should have been a red flag. Not a complete killer to further pursuing the guy, but something that should temper your expectations in case situations (such as the one you're in) arise. Instead, you ignored and diminished what he said and you realized, and soldiered on.
Then, he began doing what someone who parties a lot and who has their phone off for long periods of time does: not responding to your overtures. He might be hungover, he might be passed out, he might be detoxing, he might be having sex with random people, he might be in Timbuktu smoking weed with Gaddhafi and Tupac. None of what he "might" be doing matters. What matters is that he's not responding when "you" want, but when he's either able or desires to do so. You can't control either one, so that's water under the bridge. No sense being mad at it.
Second. You got a bit stalkerish. By a bit, I mean a lot. Most guys, especially in the early stages of talking to someone, need a certain amount of space or else they'll find the other person overly clingy for no reason. You strike me, with what you have said, as that overly clingy person. You constantly called and texted the guy, to no avail. After the first few times, you should have stopped, gone about your business, and waited until he responded back.
Then, you broke a cardinal rule to most guys (something I think he took note of) and you showed up to his place of work. When you are first talking to someone, there's a few things you don't do. You, no matter what, show up unannounced to either where they live or where they work. Those places are incredibly private, and doing so crosses a serious line, especially for someone that doesn't know you very well. If you did that to me, I'd completely cut you off because I'd think you we're obsessive and stalking me.
So what do you have now? The guy is clearly not responding to you on the timetable you want him to, and it doesn't seem like a meeting will take place in the future as he's probably pegged you as clingy (which most guys in his situation would do). You're driving yourself crazy (and likely him) by constantly calling, texting, and in general doing everything to get his attention (to no avail).
It's very simple to me. Learn from this, fix some things about yourself, and be patient. If he calls, good. If not, good. Move on. It's not difficult to do. Y'all weren't having sex. Y'all weren't dating. The only connection y'all have are a few words electronically and two meetings, both of which led to absolutely NOTHING that would signal a desire for a deeper relationship.
Stop hanging on everything the other person does. That's something they can't control, only YOU can. They don't respond within 5 minutes of your text? So what, they might be busy, or they might not. That doesn't matter. They didn't respond, and it could be for a variety of reasons. But remember this. Unless you did something that would LEAD THEM to not want to respond (you know, like barrage them with calls or texts, show up to their job unannounced, etc.), there are many more completely innocuous reasons why they didn't respond than there are negative reasons why they wouldn't.
Here's a saying I live by concerning dating guys, relationships, etc: If the guy you're dating is a vegan, don't cook him a steak. What does that mean?
It means, in short, don't try to do to a guy something they have shown they aren't receptive to. A vegan doesn't eat meat. Don't cook him a steak. Your guy said he parties a lot and often has his phone off. So why in the hell would you try to constantly call and text him. That makes no fucking sense, does it? He probably does these things precisely because he DOESN'T want what you did to him to happen.
It seems to me that in your hopes of finding a guy to date, you'd be likely to ignore or diminish any negative traits the guy might have, simply because he's the one in front of you at this time. That's a bad thing if you do it in heavy doses, which seems apparent.
Don't get me wrong, there are times when it's good and healthy to diminish or come to accept the negative traits of a person. No person on this planet, no matter what you might think, is perfect. We all have flaws, and to be in a long-lasting relationship, you have to learn to deal with those flaws in the other person, and also yourself.
However, when you realized (and he readily admitted) that he's a heavy partier, that should have been a red flag. Not a complete killer to further pursuing the guy, but something that should temper your expectations in case situations (such as the one you're in) arise. Instead, you ignored and diminished what he said and you realized, and soldiered on.
Then, he began doing what someone who parties a lot and who has their phone off for long periods of time does: not responding to your overtures. He might be hungover, he might be passed out, he might be detoxing, he might be having sex with random people, he might be in Timbuktu smoking weed with Gaddhafi and Tupac. None of what he "might" be doing matters. What matters is that he's not responding when "you" want, but when he's either able or desires to do so. You can't control either one, so that's water under the bridge. No sense being mad at it.
Second. You got a bit stalkerish. By a bit, I mean a lot. Most guys, especially in the early stages of talking to someone, need a certain amount of space or else they'll find the other person overly clingy for no reason. You strike me, with what you have said, as that overly clingy person. You constantly called and texted the guy, to no avail. After the first few times, you should have stopped, gone about your business, and waited until he responded back.
Then, you broke a cardinal rule to most guys (something I think he took note of) and you showed up to his place of work. When you are first talking to someone, there's a few things you don't do. You, no matter what, show up unannounced to either where they live or where they work. Those places are incredibly private, and doing so crosses a serious line, especially for someone that doesn't know you very well. If you did that to me, I'd completely cut you off because I'd think you we're obsessive and stalking me.
So what do you have now? The guy is clearly not responding to you on the timetable you want him to, and it doesn't seem like a meeting will take place in the future as he's probably pegged you as clingy (which most guys in his situation would do). You're driving yourself crazy (and likely him) by constantly calling, texting, and in general doing everything to get his attention (to no avail).
It's very simple to me. Learn from this, fix some things about yourself, and be patient. If he calls, good. If not, good. Move on. It's not difficult to do. Y'all weren't having sex. Y'all weren't dating. The only connection y'all have are a few words electronically and two meetings, both of which led to absolutely NOTHING that would signal a desire for a deeper relationship.
Stop hanging on everything the other person does. That's something they can't control, only YOU can. They don't respond within 5 minutes of your text? So what, they might be busy, or they might not. That doesn't matter. They didn't respond, and it could be for a variety of reasons. But remember this. Unless you did something that would LEAD THEM to not want to respond (you know, like barrage them with calls or texts, show up to their job unannounced, etc.), there are many more completely innocuous reasons why they didn't respond than there are negative reasons why they wouldn't.
Here's a saying I live by concerning dating guys, relationships, etc: If the guy you're dating is a vegan, don't cook him a steak. What does that mean?
It means, in short, don't try to do to a guy something they have shown they aren't receptive to. A vegan doesn't eat meat. Don't cook him a steak. Your guy said he parties a lot and often has his phone off. So why in the hell would you try to constantly call and text him. That makes no fucking sense, does it? He probably does these things precisely because he DOESN'T want what you did to him to happen.
