I (may) be a dad....

[Molitor69]

WOW.
Kind of cool actually. I always thought it would be pretty neat to find out I had a son or daughter. I'm not sure what your friend is thinking or doing. It doesn't make much sense unless he knows something you don't. The trip to meet him at his doorstep will definitely have an impact. Make sure to keep it positive so things don't get out of hand.
Questions: 1. Remind him it's about the child not you or him or her or anyone else.
2. I would wait to know your status as father first. I would hope not, but you never know if she might be averse to her child having a gay dad present in his life. It depends on her level of ignorance and since you don't know her personally err on the side of caution.
3. I would ease him into it. Once the initial shock of hey you're my dad wears off then I would say Oh and I happen to be gay and that's ok. Not sure what kind of mentality he has been raised with. You might have to open his mind, but like anything slowly and a little at a time.

Good luck. Would love to know how this turns out. Wishing you the best.

 

[Seasoned]

Don't you worry one bit about you being gay. The broader issue is that his mother has no idea who his father is because she slept with multiple guys and had unprotected sex. You tell her you are willing to take a paternity test. PERIOD. Once the results come back you discuss your personal life as you wish and agree to nothing without consulting a lawyer who specializes in these matters. Good luck.

 

[rareboy]

There are a number of aspects of this that bear careful watch.

There was a similar situation discussed in a thread a few years ago.

We'll all be waiting for your update on this unfolding drama.

 

[GreggS]

As someone who was adopted as an infant, and grew up in a totally different world than I was born, I can say you need to be REALLY careful. Although the kid might "hound" his mother about is father, doesn't mean he would be as eager to accept you or anyone entering that role in his life. This thread brought me back to a conversation I had with my mom a long time ago when I was young. I always had a lot of questions regarding my past, especially my birth mother, and one day my adoptive mom and I were talking about my pre-adopted life and she said she never knew what happened to my parents. So for all I know, they could still be alive, but I specifically remember her saying, "maybe someday you will meet them," and I remember saying, "I wouldn't want to." I still remember my reasons for justifying my answer, but now that I am older, I still understand why I said that, but I can't say I would be as quick to make the same decision again. For some reason that discussion really sticks out in my mind, I even remember when and where we were. So my point is, the kid might be more sensitive to the issue of meeting his father then he may seem. My guess is that he has friends that have dads and he wants the relationship they have. There were all sorts of things that I didn't have or know and wished I did simply because of the unknown events surrounding my early life.

When it comes to your friend refusing to connect you with the mother, I would not come down too hard on him. From what it sounds like, he has a pretty level head and doesn't personally have too much, if anything, to gain by keeping you apart. So I am guessing he probably knows something he isn't or hasn't told you. Also, I would keep in mind the fact that he already went through the process of getting tested and dealing with the mother, so her motives may be clearer to him. I will tell you one thing that is for sure, people will do some CRAZY and sometimes very vindictive things when it comes to money. Is he her only child? Is she married? Does she work? What part of the country does she live in? While I know you don't know the answers to these questions, my guess is that your friend does and can probably gauge her intentions rather well. You are right that you should be given access to the information, but just don't alienate your friend who obviously cares about your well being. I would not tell him to "butt out," because I don't see that getting you very far. You should try and gather as much information as you can, and whether you like it or not, keeping your friend apart of the process sounds like it may be the best option. PM me if you want to chat or want me to elaborate on anything.

 

[GreggS]

I personally think it sounds like you should stay away from the situation. I work with a lot of financially challenged people and while many are honest and nice, there are a few that aren't and this woman is sending up red flags in so many ways with me.

The whole issue with your friend knowing more about her than you and her lying about seeking money was pretty much exactly what my instincts were telling me and what I was hinting at in my last post.

 

[Lehans]

I agree with your decision to stay away. I've had my share of experiences with the crazies, and it's best to just stay away.

 

[savannah8805]

Don't post her often, but this kind of resonated with me.


Not that I necessarily disagree with your stance, but I don't really see how the new information changes the situation. The fact is, if you had unprotected sex with this women and the timing reasonably matches up then there is a chance that this is your child. If you take the paternity test and it is negative, then the story is over. This women has no avenue to continue to harass you so it doesn't matter what her motivations or intentions are.

The question you really need to be asking yourself is how you feel if this really is your child. Would you rather remain anonymous and free of any financial burden, or would you rather your child have a chance to know his father and you him (and obviously, open yourself to a potentially huge financial drain/stress if this woman truly is of the character your friend has described).

I think the 'right' thing to do if there is a reasonable chance this is your child (which in my opinion there is if you had unprotected sex with her) would be to take the test. That being said I don't think anyone could really say what they would do in that situation until they were actually in it and I don't think I would judge you if you decided not to.