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I mean, it's not like I expect much.. but..

  • Thread starter Thread starter Soilwork
  • Start date Start date
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Soilwork

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OK, so every year I make a thread about the gifts my family gives me and how horrendously inappropriate they are.

One year, my mother gave me a bright red v-neck cardigan, knowing that I hate sweaters, v-necks and red.

One year my mother gave me a bunch of wooden heart-shaped cedar chips to put in my "sock drawer". Do I look like the kind of person who has a sock drawer?

Once my brothers gave me a 50's girly pin-up calendar saying "We know you like porn".

Last year my sister gave me a big orangy-pink beaded pillow. To go with my African bedroom that she knows I have.

My parents last year gave me a paper mache clown mask, disregarding how I've been scared of clowns my whole life.

My Dad once gave me shrimp forks, ignoring my sea food allergy.

My family knows how much I hate the east coast of Canada, so they bought me a HUGE framed print of a crappy-ass folksy paining of the New Brunswick countryside.








But this year.. I think my sister won the grand prize.

this year, My sister called me and asked me what I'd like. I told her that I like stuff from my favorite soap/skin care product store LUSH. It's hard to go wrong.

I just told her nothing girly, pink, flowery or uber-gay. If it looks like something from a drag queens bathroom, put it back.

So she was very good.

No bath bombs, no floral soap, no perfume.

No no.. my sister was smart and got be a bottle of shampoo.






I don't know why I bother. #-o
 
maybe you could sue lush for making your hair fall out ;)
 
I think they're trying to tell me that they don't listen to a fucking word I say.







by the way, my little brother didn't inherit the shitty gift gene.

He always knows just what I want before I know myself.

I bought him a glass dildo A cobalt blue one. He likes cobalt blue.
 
It's a form of inverted-respect, Soil'. A product of something that just doesn't compute for them and so it comes out in the backwards ways that you mention.
That's something like what Carolyn Hax would say. Ever read her? I think she's in the LA Times.
She might go on to say "Patience." Otherwise, 'live your life' is all you can do---an occasional true-word spoken respectfully.
 
so writing "bite me" in green permanant marker on it and sending it back was the wrong thing?
 
mmm..Well, It's YOU. I wouldn't want anyone else in my world but YOU as YOU.
"Bite Me"

I'm guessing they're basically the same way but don't know it yet.

Now, on very limited information I'd tell you this: If you've ever said some nasty-words to your Mom or your Dad, say you're "sorry for that, I was pissed."
You don't have to apologize for anything that you are. But YOU will feel better if you get past some stuff. If there is any to get passed. You might at least get better Xmas presents some year if you keep that account clear.
 
OH it's nothing to do with that...

aside from my little brother, my family is clueless.

They don't understand me and never will. They don't understand what it is I do, they don't understand what it is I like.

Although I explain in great detail what I do for a living, my mother still talks about how I "Photograph naked people" and my father seems to think I'm the receptionist because I gave him my direct line and he called me once.

They know I ride motorcycles, but they seem to think that means I have a moped. In fact, my mother still says "Well, you can't get your moped out on the highway, can you?"

My two triplet brothers reallly do try, but they're clueless rural straight guys who never really conneccted with me once we outgrew Star Wars.

They just get me random stuff because they don't know what to get me. It's not malicious, it's just them not having a clue about the kind of person I am. They don't understand why my little brother and I chose to move to California, and they still think we'll move back once we grow up a bit.

They don't understand why we dont' want to be teachers, even though they constantly complain about being under-paid, over-worked and treated like shit.

They dont' understand why we are the kind of men we are, and they've never reallly bothered to try since they all understand each other so much.

to be fair, I dont' understand any of them either, and dont' bother much to try.




Honestly, the threads about the silly presents are just funny. I know they mean well and I can't fault them for not understanding me when I don't really give them much of a chance.

but you have to admit.. getting a bald man a bottle of shampoo is pretty clueless.
 
Have you ever considered taking one Christmas to get them exactly what they wanted so that you make them feel terrible for giving you crappy gifts? Maybe it's just ebcause I like to buy peopel gifts, but that seems like a hoot.
 
Soilwork said:
I think they're trying to tell me that they don't listen to a fucking word I say.







by the way, my little brother didn't inherit the shitty gift gene.

He always knows just what I want before I know myself.

I bought him a glass dildo A cobalt blue one. He likes cobalt blue.
Click to expand...

Well man, they probably don't, and you've probably know that your entire life. Anyway it sounds to me as if you are the smartest one in your family. That happens sometimes, the gay guy gets all the brains in a family.... I'm serious about that man.

Now, a glass dildo? Since I've never used one of those I don't know anything about them.... but glass? Sure it is smooth, but damn man, what if it broke?
 
luminum said:
Have you ever considered taking one Christmas to get them exactly what they wanted so that you make them feel terrible for giving you crappy gifts? Maybe it's just ebcause I like to buy peopel gifts, but that seems like a hoot.
Click to expand...

oh, I do that every year.

I know my mother loves little boxes and cloves, so I spent a FORTUNE and got this box that was made in Japan out of woven cloves. It smelled amazing, and it was beautiful. She loves it and still mentions it to me.

My sister likes to throw cool theme parites, so one year I went to a Japanese import food store and bought about $100 in Japanese muchie food, but I made sure there was no english on the packages so nobody had any idea what they were about to bite into until the bit into it. they LOVED it.

I got my triplet brothers those MEGA sized bottles of jack daniels and the God Father and Rocky box sets. they still talk about that.

I think my favorite present I ever got was and old gramaphone and some glen miller 78s for my father. He still displays that in his studio.




See, I'm not a TOTAL asshole.
 
See now if i were a close friend of yours i would buy you somthing like shampoo just cause it would be funny, but it would be in a light-hearted kinda way.. but i guess that is just my personality.
 
tonyboy said:
Now, a glass dildo? Since I've never used one of those I don't know anything about them.... but glass? Sure it is smooth, but damn man, what if it broke?
Click to expand...


No... you'd have to take a hammer to it.

they're made of surgical glass... they're really durable.
 
Surely, I mean surely your family members are NOT doing this to piss you off are they?

I mean, you go into great care to tell them what you like, even what you dis-like and yet they seem to always fuck it up!

Hmmmmmm, I think there must be some kind of reverse psychology or sumpin! Dontcha think?

I guess if they got you nothing, then you should be concerned; I mean you would have NOthing to talk about all year long!

I think the whole thing is priceless/funny; but I'm NOT you either!

Shampoo!! You gotta admit, now that's funny!(*8*) (*8*) :kiss: :kiss:
 
I never open their presents on Chrsitmas... it just wrecks the day.

I just opened my aunt's present.

Um... she got me temporary tattoos of roses.









Is there something about me that just screams "floral bouquet?"
 
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