I met a guy with HIV

[peacemiddleeast]

Hey everybody.

I'm bi and have had a lot of trouble meeting guys online. Normally a few messages into the conversation, people start to give signs that they are not normal. I finally talked to this guy who seemed exactly like what I was looking for. First off this guy is one of the sexiest guys I have ever seen in my life. I am not exaggerating. I can't get across how perfect he looks. This guy should be on magazine covers. In addition to that he is my age, and he has the nicest most genuine personality and he is also very intelligent. This is the type of guy I have been looking for for the past 2 years but haven't found until now. The only blemish he has is that he has HIV. I met up with him and we made out and jacked each other off but that was it. I wanted to do so much more but am terrified out of my mind. He is very understanding though and even suggested that we don't go to far for my sake.

I've spent hours online searching for the risk of sex with someone with HIV and my findings are inconclusive. Apparently there are several low risk activities but low risk doesn't equal no risk. I still have a fear of becoming infected.

I don't know what to do. I keep telling myself that as long as his cum doesn't touch any openings of my body then im good but the other part of me keeps saying why am I even risking it. The medical community is torn on whether oral sex transmits hiv from studies saying 0% to 8% of all HIV cases. What would you all do?

 

[anchihiro]

Spend time getting to know him face to face first before you decide to continue sexually. Maybe in person after awhile he might not work out.
If everything is going great then consider the risks.

 

[leomendez93]

I know how you feel as the same has happened with me. I really appreciate that the guy said the truth about his condition (I fear others would lie due to reaction or just lust itself). Use condoms for anal and oral if you cannot hold back. Make sure not to brush your teeth or floss prior to meeting up. I really do not know what to say. However, it sucks.

 

[peacemiddleeast]

Spend time getting to know him face to face first before you decide to continue sexually. Maybe in person after awhile he might not work out.
If everything is going great then consider the risks.

Before we did anything we talked for hours. This guy is a wonderful person inside and out from what I can tell. We have a lot in common. I really like this guy. If I could replace him with another guy I would but I haven't had so much luck. I never ever thought I would ever even consider being involved with an HIV+ dude but this guy is actually making me consider it. I feel like I might be being irrational in continuing to see him but again he is what I have been searching for.

 

[peacemiddleeast]

I know how you feel as the same has happened with me. I really appreciate that the guy said the truth about his condition (I fear others would lie due to reaction or just lust itself). Use condoms for anal and oral if you cannot hold back. Make sure not to brush your teeth or floss prior to meeting up. I really do not know what to say. However, it sucks.

What did you do? Did you meet up with him? And yea your exactly right about the brushing the teeth and flossing. Another thing I was considering is both of us avoiding the urethra when performing oral. I just don't know.

 

[mbamike]

The HIV virus cannot penetrate a latex condom. So, always have some on hand when you two are together. Semen and blood are the two body fluids you need to quarantine.

Communication plays an important part in any relationship; it is especially important with magnet couples. Learn the facts about HIV, how it is transmitted and talk it over with your new BF.

Search the Internet for magnet couples. Magnet couples can have a long and happy relationship without infecting the HIV- partner.

Congratulations on meeting your new BF. I wish you two the best.

 

[peacemiddleeast]

he's not exactly my bf but thank you for your advice.

 

[papacito]

Just one thing HIV virus are smaler and CAN penetrate a latex condom, just be carful and u can have a nice relationship with him.

 

[Fire]

I know it seems right now that he is exactly what you're looking for...except. I also know that you feel like you know him so well, and that he is the most genuine, intelligent, funny, nice person etc. that you've ever met. And he certainly may be, but I would argue that your opinion is heavily biased right now by your infatuation. When you got the hots for someone, it's normal to think that they're practically perfect in every way, but this is contradicted by both anecdote and statistic alike.

I would also argue that you really can't know him well enough to make a determination, having only met him once.


Here are the Pros and Cons as I see them:

Pro:

He's cute, intelligent, nice, etc.

Sex.

Love/Boyfriend (possible).

Being careful reduces the risk of transmission.


Con:

You may not know him as well as you think.

Medication is ridiculously expensive, may have serious side effects, and is not a cure. Life expectancy is usually long but resistance can develop at any time.

Relationships frequently fail after a short period.

You may not be able to get over your anxiety about the risk of infection.



The question is: is anyone worth risking your health for? I know some people will say "Yes" and others "No." This is a deeply personal choice, and one I hope that is informed by reason and not desperation.

The truth is, there really are other guys out there. Lots of them. Great ones. Who don't have HIV. Even if it doesn't feel that way. Even if you think you'll never find a guy as great as him again.

It is of course ultimately up to you. Maybe this guy really is that great. I think you owe it to yourself though to seriously consider the likelihood that his HIV infection will be a barrier to intimacy and a continuing source of anxiety for you, and thus a strain on the relationship. You might also consider the probability that any relationship with him will end in a rather short period of time, as it is statistically likely to.

No matter what you decide, be kind to yourself, and be safe.

 

[jcs0112]

Take time getting to know each other, and if the relationship progresses, ask him to make an appointment with his Dr. for both of you to talk with him about the risks and things you can do to be more safe, if it gets that far.

 

[lambdaboy]

Always have safe sex swith strangers always. If you know he is HIV you will always have to have safe sex until there is a cure.

 

[peacemiddleeast]

I know it seems right now that he is exactly what you're looking for...except. I also know that you feel like you know him so well, and that he is the most genuine, intelligent, funny, nice person etc. that you've ever met. And he certainly may be, but I would argue that your opinion is heavily biased right now by your infatuation. When you got the hots for someone, it's normal to think that they're practically perfect in every way, but this is contradicted by both anecdote and statistic alike.

I would also argue that you really can't know him well enough to make a determination, having only met him once.

That was a very thoughtful, insightful response. Thank you for taking the time to write that. I am a little infatuated with him but he really is wonderful and we have so much in common, even more than my best friend and I do. I've never had so much of a strong connection to anyone, especially this fast. Your completely right though. I realize that I just met him and there is a lot I don't know about him and nobody is perfect.

A friendship between us is way more likely than an actual relationship. I do have anxiety of catching HIV though and like you said I don't know if I can get over that.

I'm thinking as of now I want to keep meeting him but I'm going to abstain from any sexual contact besides what I described earlier for a while because I want to stay safe. I've been reading up on HIV+ and HIV- couples and it seems like it is not that difficult to stay HIV- but there is risk involved, and as of right now I'm not sure if I should be taking the risk.

 

[Woofbite]

Condoms are 99% effective against blocking the HIV virus. That is a scientifically proven fact. If you practice safe sex then there is nothing to worry about.

Except that one percent.

 

[MikeHere]

I have been with my partner for 11 years. He was positive when I met him. We practice safe sex, and I remain HIV negative.

Both parties bring personal assets and liabilities to a relationship. If a person means enough to you, you learn how to make things work.

 

[peacemiddleeast]

Thought I would keep you guys updated.

In the last few days I have met up with this guy multiple times. I don't see us having a committed relationship but I already feel like I have such a strong connection with him. We think alike and have so much in common. I barely know him but at the same time I absolutely adore him and can tell that I am going to be in contact with him for awhile. His HIV is still always in the back of my mind but it doesn't terrify me anymore.

Every guy I have ever met with offline made me feel like I was lowering my standards but not this guy. So as a result I am going to take things slow, see where they go and avoid risky behavior.