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I Need a Clue

Eagle653

Eagle653

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Most of you who know me know that I'm rarely at a loss for words. But, I've got a doosey on my hands. lol

I have a friend from high school who's in another state who is bi, but currently on a female-swing (I know, and don't even go there). Anyway, he's on the hunt and decided to have some photos taken of himself to use on ads on eharmony or some-such straight dating service.


I've known for a long time that he puts (too much) weight on my opinions, so I have to be a bit careful about what I say because--and how I say it.

Anyway, he went to a "professional" photographer and had, what I guess is essentially, a set of "glamor" shots done. To be really honest, they're God-awful. I knew he was going to do this, and I was holding my breath that at least one would be OK, or at least passable, and I could just say something like "Use #2."

But, no. They were so bad, I about fell off my chair when I saw them. In the first one, he looks like a corpse. In the second one, he screams gay. The third one is one of those phony poses that you would only have if your back is in spasm and waiting for the chiropractor--head resting on fist, right should thrust forward. It looks ridiculous.

He's not a bad looking guy, really, but the photographer has him in unnatural poses and it looks like he's trying to pass for a 25-30 year old when he's nearly twice that. Ugh.

He's coming out of a disaster of a relationship so his self-esteem and ego is especially fragile anyway. Yet, I just can't lie and say "they're OK' when he looks like an utter fool. But, I can't tell him he looks like an utter fool, either.

Any clues on how to tell someone their photos are awful when they obviously think they're wonderful? :help: ](*,)
 
Just tell him the photos don't do him justice. Are there photos of him that you know are better that he could use, I would then suggest he use one of those. Kind of a touchy subject---damned if you do and guilty if you don't.
 
I would have to tell him that while he's a good looking guy, the photos just do not capture his good looks and personality, because the photographer used stock poses that don't look natural. Blame the photog, as that sounds like where the problem lies.

Good luck, darlin'. :kiss:
 
I'd like to echo Killjoke's answer and suggest the photos don't do him justice.

I'd say "The photos you got don't capture your essence aesthetically. You may end up attracting the wrong kind of person that you are looking for. I'd really like to see you in different photos, angles or backdrops. Would there be any way you can get more photos?

I think you may look better in (suggest a pose and maybe backdrop/clothing) one that is more natural and shows the real you. That way you end up putting your best foot forward and attract the individuals you really are looking for/deserve."

It's still blunt and he'll probably really see through the bullshit, but it hurts less. If you really want to pass the buck, suggest the above and end it by saying, "that's just me though, but you may want another opinion. Right now, I'd lean toward photo C, but I still think it doesn't capture the real you."
 
Mate... I doubt knowing you that you have a friend who isnt a good guy... and who isnt bright with it.

So... chances are he already sees the same things you do. And hes really actually looking to you for your honesty... the reason he puts so much faith in you.

You gotta do it mate.

You've got to tell him the truth.

Its going to be a bastard for sure, but thats why he asked you.

Honestly I suspect he'll be relieved because like I said I reckon he already thinks the same... if you can see it so can he - we are often more self critical than others anyway... and especially if hes on a bit of a downer.

Tell him the truth mate - for his sake. Nows not the time to let him make it worse for himself mate... (*8*)
 
I agree you have to tell him tyhe pictures are no good

blame the photographer, whatever but since he trusts you, he really wants the truth -

tell him-
 
Hey, thanks everyone.

Well, I spent about an hour crafting as carefully worded email back to him as I could. I took many of your advices, including telling him that he looked better than the photos portrayed, that he needed to be more naturally-posed, and that, OMG, he screamed gay in the second one. (Sorry, I couldn't help it. lol)

I also told him to run them by which ever audience he was trying to attract (presumably, straight females at the moment) to get their reaction: Which one (if any) would they respond positively toward?

Finally, I told him to get photos with natural poses, not those staged "glamor shot" poses that are contorted. I suggested (rightly or wrongly) that they just reek of "phony" and could translate into "this guy is phony" unconsciously, to the viewer.

Oh well. We'll see what happens. Thanks, again, for all of your insights!
 
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