Okay, I need someone to throw some reality at me. I’m a bit hyped right now and I know I shouldn’t be, so here is my story...
I always knew I was gay. In school I dated girls, mostly to fit in, and I genuinely enjoyed spending time with those girls, but it was nothing more.
I saw the world through through the perspective that I thought everyone else did: everyone is straight (except the guy who came to school dressed in nothing but saran wrap) and you treat everyone like they are straight.
So, I had no ‘gaydar,’ as I was sure I was the only person like me at school... besides the saran wrap guy.
I was also in love with my best friend, period. Couldn’t see beyond him--he was my world. That’s over, done, history, a fairy tale gone nightmarishly, my precious-ly wrong.
I also had a great friend at the time who was a big nerd, geekiest of the geeks. That’s not a put down, it’s just who he was/is, and that’s wonderful. He was also very anti-social, but he let me into his life and we helped each other out in countless ways... Just a great friendship.
He was also quite handsome. When I was around him he would often be working on projects without his shirt. He was just perfect, muscles, but not in excess. Beautiful. I’ll admit I had a crush on him.
I never really thought about it much though because I just assumed he was straight, as was the rest of the world. To that end, I do remember once he showed me some pictures of female models on his computer. He was also quite religious, too. More reasons the thought of him being anything but straight never entered my mind.
Thinking back though, that was the only time he ever mentioned girls in all the years I knew him. He never said he liked a girl or thought one was pretty and he never dated in high school. He also had a lot of mannerisms that are often considered stereotypical. I didn’t think about it at the time, but now I’m like wow, I’ve never seen a straight man my age do those things. I just took those things as aspects of his geeky personality.
So, we recently just reconnected after years of having simply drifted apart. We’re going to meet up in person sometime soon.
He’s 40+, never been married, he doesn’t date, never really has. And dang if he doesn’t look as good as ever.
Okay, so now with a broader understanding of the world and the realization others are also gay (HI THERE!), I now have all kinds of fluffy, little happy unicorny and rainbowy things going through my head right now. I’m giddy.
It doesn’t help that I just watched the saga of Teddy on the new 90210 where he confesses to his old roommate that he was gay and the guy instantly slams him with a kiss...
So, in conclusion, I was in love with the boy who didn’t love me, while the boy who did love me chose not to say anything and has committed himself to a life of celibacy just waiting for me to wake up and love him.
You see, those damned happy unicorns and rainbows in my head are messing me up!
Someone, please slap me with reality! Kill the unicorns! Kill the unicorns!
I always knew I was gay. In school I dated girls, mostly to fit in, and I genuinely enjoyed spending time with those girls, but it was nothing more.
I saw the world through through the perspective that I thought everyone else did: everyone is straight (except the guy who came to school dressed in nothing but saran wrap) and you treat everyone like they are straight.
So, I had no ‘gaydar,’ as I was sure I was the only person like me at school... besides the saran wrap guy.
I was also in love with my best friend, period. Couldn’t see beyond him--he was my world. That’s over, done, history, a fairy tale gone nightmarishly, my precious-ly wrong.
I also had a great friend at the time who was a big nerd, geekiest of the geeks. That’s not a put down, it’s just who he was/is, and that’s wonderful. He was also very anti-social, but he let me into his life and we helped each other out in countless ways... Just a great friendship.
He was also quite handsome. When I was around him he would often be working on projects without his shirt. He was just perfect, muscles, but not in excess. Beautiful. I’ll admit I had a crush on him.
I never really thought about it much though because I just assumed he was straight, as was the rest of the world. To that end, I do remember once he showed me some pictures of female models on his computer. He was also quite religious, too. More reasons the thought of him being anything but straight never entered my mind.
Thinking back though, that was the only time he ever mentioned girls in all the years I knew him. He never said he liked a girl or thought one was pretty and he never dated in high school. He also had a lot of mannerisms that are often considered stereotypical. I didn’t think about it at the time, but now I’m like wow, I’ve never seen a straight man my age do those things. I just took those things as aspects of his geeky personality.
So, we recently just reconnected after years of having simply drifted apart. We’re going to meet up in person sometime soon.
He’s 40+, never been married, he doesn’t date, never really has. And dang if he doesn’t look as good as ever.
Okay, so now with a broader understanding of the world and the realization others are also gay (HI THERE!), I now have all kinds of fluffy, little happy unicorny and rainbowy things going through my head right now. I’m giddy.
It doesn’t help that I just watched the saga of Teddy on the new 90210 where he confesses to his old roommate that he was gay and the guy instantly slams him with a kiss...
So, in conclusion, I was in love with the boy who didn’t love me, while the boy who did love me chose not to say anything and has committed himself to a life of celibacy just waiting for me to wake up and love him.
You see, those damned happy unicorns and rainbows in my head are messing me up!
Someone, please slap me with reality! Kill the unicorns! Kill the unicorns!
