I need Advice Please

[BlondeCanadian]

Hello all,
Lets just start by sayin that i am 18 Gay and in my first year at university in Toronto. I am out to my close friends from home and my immediate family(ie mom dad sister). I had a really hard time coming out but not so much the telling people just trying to find a good time during a convo. I actually pulled a couple random you do know i am gay right? on some of my friends when i could not find a way to bring it up without doing the whole wkward sitting down and i have something to tell you thing. It worked really well for me.. I got no bad reactions at all from anyone even my dad who dmitted he used to be a homophobe until he first realised i was gay(way before i told him). Anyways i am know away from everyone who i have came out to and meeting new people and i am having trouble being openly gay. So far all i have done since i got here was write i am gay and would hope my room mate is okay with this fact on my apartment roomate selection profile. My roomate is now living with me but he is really quiet and hasnt said a word about anything really..

Anyways that is the backgoround.. i do not dress flamboyantly nor am i queen like so it is not completely obvious i am gay until i have spent some time with you....How do i be openly gay without being like "Hey i am _____ I am Gay " everytime i meet someone. I do not want to do this because i believe that being gay is only a small part of me but on the other hand i dread getting into the circumstance of having to come out to my friends i am making here...Any advice on how to be openly gay??

Also on a side note i am starting to make friends with guys here and during highschool i was always friends with girls and it is only girls i have come out to barring my dad...Is there a difference with coming out to guys and should i expect trouble?

Confused and a little nervous

 

[rickm28inil]

Hello all,
Lets just start by sayin that i am 18 Gay and in my first year at university in Toronto. I am out to my close friends from home and my immediate family(ie mom dad sister). I had a really hard time coming out but not so much the telling people just trying to find a good time during a convo. I actually pulled a couple random you do know i am gay right? on some of my friends when i could not find a way to bring it up without doing the whole wkward sitting down and i have something to tell you thing. It worked really well for me.. I got no bad reactions at all from anyone even my dad who dmitted he used to be a homophobe until he first realised i was gay(way before i told him). Anyways i am know away from everyone who i have came out to and meeting new people and i am having trouble being openly gay. So far all i have done since i got here was write i am gay and would hope my room mate is okay with this fact on my apartment roomate selection profile. My roomate is now living with me but he is really quiet and hasnt said a word about anything really..

Anyways that is the backgoround.. i do not dress flamboyantly nor am i queen like so it is not completely obvious i am gay until i have spent some time with you....How do i be openly gay without being like "Hey i am _____ I am Gay " everytime i meet someone. I do not want to do this because i believe that being gay is only a small part of me but on the other hand i dread getting into the circumstance of having to come out to my friends i am making here...Any advice on how to be openly gay??

Also on a side note i am starting to make friends with guys here and during highschool i was always friends with girls and it is only girls i have come out to barring my dad...Is there a difference with coming out to guys and should i expect trouble?

Confused and a little nervous

Well, first of all, it's great that you've come out to friends and family and with no negative consequences. I, personally, don't equate being openly gay with being completely obvious. I would suggest getting involved in your universitie's LGBT group. That is what I did and met several people that became good friends, and my boyfriend as well. It won't be long until you start networking and expand your circle of friends. And don't hesitate to get involved in any activities your LGBT group might sponsor on campus.

As for coming out to guys, I'm not sure I would generalize that there is a difference in reactions from guys and girls. You'll have to use your own good judgement there. There are, of course, homophobes everywhere.

Again, good for you!!

 

[rareboy]

You don't have to have a parade or banners or anything else to be openly gay.

Just make sure that you talk about your bf's, introduce them toyour other friends and make it known in any conversation that you are not straight if it seems to come up without making a big deal about it.

Most people will be pretty quick at figuring things out.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

The easiest way to come out to people in a new situation is to simply act like they already know, and that they're totally cool with it. Then you can say things like "I'd like to meet a guy" or "I think (actor) is hot" or "At that LGBTSU meeting I was at yesterday...". The same way you might say "I like this professor" or "At McDonald's yesterday..." People will pick up on it. And most, believe it or not, won't say anything. They'll think, "Wow, he's gay. I didn't know. But he's acting like it's no big deal. And everyone else is acting like it's no big deal. They must all know, so I guess I just was slow and missed it. I'll just keep nodding like I knew all along."

Do guys take it worse than girls? Not in my experience. They MIGHT, of course, but it's pretty much the same.

Lex

 

[Corny]

You don't need to do the "HELLO I'M GAY", to "come out" to new friends. If you want to be out there are lots of other ways to bring this up in a conversation. Last weekend I was speaking with a guy whom I just met a festival, and he was kinda nice and we met again the other morning to drink the first beers together, and we happened to talk about Juliette Lewis, and how awesome she is, and he was like
"Oh man I love her small breasts it's so awesome how she doesn't mind showing them"
and I said "Oh I just love how much energy she has, and how she is jumping around at the stage with her band"
and he said "Oh, I don't care about her being a rock girl" to which I replied "I don't care about girls at all, so what". He hesitate for a moment, until he got it - and then said "Damn someone liking her for her talent .. that almost like cheating"

Ok that story got a bit long, but you should get the idea. Talk about women .. or talk about men. "Woo did you see that hot blonde at the table over there?" "No I am busy looking at the cute waiter all the time, sorry."

 

[BlondeCanadian]

haha thanks for the advice guys...I have done those things a couple of times already with some girls i have met but it was always really easy like they say something about a guy and i agree or disagree but it has been harder with guys since they havent talked about girls in front of me..

thanks for the help and support so far guys you all are awesome

 

[Eagle653]

To me, being "openly gay" can often mean just not taking any steps to hide it. It doesn't necessarily mean that you advertise it at every opportunity.

I think what might also be bothering you is that people often make heterosexual assumptions about people they don't know well. Straights, especially, do this (obviously). Some people I know, who are bothered by this, wear subtle cues like the red AIDS ribbon, or a small rainbow triangle on their labels, etc. That's fine, but I've never bothered and I don't know if that's your style either.

As people get to know you, it'll become more obvious through a lot of ways...who you associate with, what interests you, lack of a gf, and all the rest.

Good luck, and have fun at college! Oh, and welcome to JUB too! We're glad you're here!