I need advice, please.

[altlover85]

I'm going to be a little harsh here, but I hope it will help you.

You both acted totally strange. I think he's a closet case and you can do better. But I would advise that you don't get into a relationship with someone until you work on being more clear in communication and cutting down on the mindgames.

You may love him, but I think it's more of an infatuation than anything.

You know what you need to do. You need to get out of there. You should try and find some new friends and slowly stop contact with him. Don't give him mixed signals, but try and distance yourself from him and then cut him out entirely.

If you're scared of him that's not okay and you should tell management about it if you think you are in danger.

Good luck and I'm sorry that this happened to you.

 

[medic1]

Sorry buddy but i have to agree with altlover but at the same time dont go
around kicking yourself from what you have written it seems that this guy
may be having sexuality issuies himself ,
All i can say is that if you ever need to just post and the guys will try there
best to offer you support and advice in the meantime you take care fella .

 

[Cardenio]

I'm going to be a little harsh here, but I hope it will help you.

You both acted totally strange. I think he's a closet case and you can do better. But I would advise that you don't get into a relationship with someone until you work on being more clear in communication and cutting down on the mindgames.

You may love him, but I think it's more of an infatuation than anything.

You know what you need to do. You need to get out of there. You should try and find some new friends and slowly stop contact with him. Don't give him mixed signals, but try and distance yourself from him and then cut him out entirely.

If you're scared of him that's not okay and you should tell management about it if you think you are in danger.

Good luck and I'm sorry that this happened to you.

Completely agree. The best thing that you can do is to stop sending your friend mixed signals, since that will only extend your suffering and frustration. You need to cut your loses and stop trying to make this weird sort of friendship into something that it can never be (and by this I mean that, as things currently stand, it can never be a romantic relationship or even a healthy, fulfilling, and normal friendship).

There is one thing that I'm wondering about, though. You mention twice, in passing, that you "did things I never thought I would have, but it was what he wanted me to." What kind of things are you referring to? Now, don't feel any pressure to answer. Given that you give a lot of details in other parts of your post, I'm guessing that this is a particularly sore subject. However, it might help people here better understand your situation.

 

[castoono]

I can see through your experience my own failures with my "straight" friends, so when you finally make your -good intentioned, but bad anyway- move

So I had to tell him the truth

You (We, cause I did the same once) spoiled a really good thing. Both of you could have been playing Utopia or Arcadia for years. Sharing those -confess- delicious moments, previous to all the mind storming games.
Some friends even go really far without putting feelings into words. Don't try that at home, kids.

I loved reading you anyway even it brought exhausting and devastating memories. And I don't have a good advice, cause I didn't make it up for me either.

 

[Southwest85]

StarHealer,
I know how you feel as I was in a (shockingly) similar situation as you several years ago. Ultimately, my friend and his buddies - who were actually doing the bullying - ganged up on me and got me fired (from a part-time job that generously rebated 100% tuition reimbursement). Later, they attempted to jump me. And all because I had told my former friend that it wasn't a good idea for us to have the friendship we shared before & requested to switch areas (as he was mocking me behind my back, and now only wanted to be friends alone at work). Pathetic, right? You sound like a nice guy - be careful and look out for yourself.

 

[billybob109]

You guys are acting like you are an old married couple. If your friend was gay than he would of told you by now im sure. Get over him and move on you are too involved in this "relationship" which should be just a harmless friendship. He needs to find a women and move past you as a friend and a fake boyfriend.

 

[looseliam]

First, STOP. STOP the destructive behaviour.

Whatever he has going on is his business. You tried to figure it out and he's not having it. This is what we know: you're out to him, you fancy him; he doesn't feel the same.

Concentrate on yourself. You must take care of yourself. This person is toxic to you. I can see nothing good for you keeping up this kind of relationship.

 

[Cardenio]

Cardenio, he got me to talk about myself in ways that I don't really like to. I'm very guarded and private and I was singing for him, basically. He also got me to smoke. That one was a choice and I could have said no, but it was what he wanted me to do and I was swept up in it so did. I mean I admitted to him that I was in the palm of his hand. It was really bad.

Ever since him yelling at me, the only thing I've done is avoid and stay away from him. I go out of the way to show that I don't want anything to do with him. I can't see him thinking anything other then "He doesn't like me". I don't see how that can be mixed.

He's the one who won't leave me alone. I just do my job and focus on trying to get out of the situation I'm in. I need to leave that place so bad.

I understand why he'd want you to open up to him (perhaps so that he could feel closer to you), but it's really odd that he got you to start smoking. What would he get out of it? I suppose that he could have just wanted you to be more like him so that you'd have more in common, just like people usually want their friends to listen to the same music as them.

When I said that you shouldn't send him any mixed signals, I was only referring to your past behavior, since this isn't the first time that you've tried to end the friendship. At these other times, like when you returned his pipe to him, you then, I would imagine, convinced yourself that perhaps your friendship could work out if you just gave him another chance and then just gave in. By that comment I just wanted to reiterate that you shouldn't delude yourself into believing, yet again, that somehow all the issues that your friendship has will suddenly disappear if you just give him another chance. They won't and he seems pretty unwilling or unable to change.

I'm really glad to hear that you've stood your ground so far. Keep doing what you're currently doing and he'll hopefully get used to the idea of a life without the joys of manipulating you and having you, as you put it, in the palms of his hand. Hang in there! We're all rooting for you.

As for castoono's comment, I think that the situation he describes is very different from yours. From the little he wrote, it seems like his friendship was pretty normal and healthy before he came out to his friend. Your friend, on the other hand, seems like he would have fucked things up even if you hadn't made your feelings for him known.

 

[Seasoned]

Time for a new job or a new shift.

 

[DeadRussianSpaceMonkey]

I think you really need to take some time, so you can find yourself again. I really do like the school thing, keep going with that. As for drinking and smoking, maybe cut back on those- and don't let this situation tear your life apart.
I think a lot of the conflict was started by your shame of telling him that you had feelings about him- There is no reason to feel ashamed for liking someone, no need to run away from it in such extremes. If friendship would be something of a challenge to just have because you desired more- You should have maybe found a way to cut back, not be so involved, or to accept that reality of nothing more happening.
As for his actions, I think he's a bit crazy, and maybe not the best fit for you right now in whatever context- Though, I think he's also trying to both accept this idea of you being gay and figure out why you keep pulling back even though he's trying to understand it. Although, I find some of his other actions a bit obsessive which is really strange.
But, I think you should really just focus on yourself right now- This lady drama isn't good for anyone. Take a step back, find something you enjoy doing, meet other people, hell go to the gym once a week. You also seem like you've been swaying the idea of friendship with him. You need to make your choice and follow it though, and be strong, be certain that it is for the best. Decide on what you feel is best to do for yourself. I think you need to get yourself together though.

 

[hilltop08]

First off I want to share how sorry I am that you have to be going through this situation. I'm going through a similar situation myself where I became good friend with a straight guy and when I cam out to him he seemed weirder-out at first then became overly-interested in it. Our relationship got really personal and I shared stuff with him that I've never told anyone before. We ended up having sexual relations on and off for a few months. And over those couple months our relationship seemed like a roller-coaster of emotions sometime we were cool and could talk about anything in the world and other times we couldn't stand to be around each other.

After being in this kind of friendship for 2 years the best advice I can give you is what others have said, continue to distance yourself from that individual. He seems like he has some that he needs to deal with before any type of friendship between you two should be pursued again (if you want to be friends again). I see that you said that's he's the one trying to remain friends even after you've distanced yourself, so we can't fault you cause you are trying to get away.

Stay strong, you can always come here and talk if you feel you need to get things off your chest. Hope this helps.