I need advice

[jayhad90]

I am an eighteen year old male who is confused. I like men more than women and i dont want to. I dont think that being gay is wrong but i dont want to be gay. Anyone else ever feel this way? If so please comment i need help.

 

[hotb0d]

I had that feeling before, you know the "why me? I don't want to be gay" feeling. But in the end, you're still gay no matter what. You can deny it but you know the truth about yourself. What exactly do you need help? me telling you how to deny yourself of who you are? Or me telling you to accept yourself and be happy with yourself?

 

[Seasoned]

First of all welcome to JUB. Congratulations for taking this step and posting this question.

Self acceptance is a major factor for a healthy life. I didn't want it either, but after two kids and a divorce here I am considering it a gift contributing to who I am, how I am and how I view the world.

This was a huge process and took place over time.

Trust that you will find the support you need.

It may seem like you are all alone, but you are not. If you need help just ask. There is love and support for you that you can't even imagine. Try to stay positive.

 

[youngboyslut]

It's understandable but remember, 'gay' 'straight' etc are just labels. If you like guys then you like guys. You're nothing more then a guy who likes other guys. Don't be ashamed or anything, learn to accept yourself.

I don't know if this post makes sense in this thread but it's just a thought

 

[slnattak]

Meditation helps me with my self-confidence personally.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but my advice is everything is a journey/process. You just have to kinda roll with things and see where life takes you. Try out being gay, see if it's something that can resonate with you. But remember gay or not, you should try to treat people the way you want to be treated.

Even that sounds preachy. I wish that gay men would stop putting other gay men in the role of life coach. I'd rather just talk about your interests. *Sigh*

 

[rareboy]

For the OP.

I sometimes have wanted to be taller, thinner, heavier, blonde, more athletic, etc.

Some of these I could do something about. Some not.

Homo is homo.

Why wouldn't anyone want to be a homo? It is so much better than being straight. Is it because you fear living in a world where you are one of the stigmatized and marginalized? Well, help do something about it.

I can assure you that you can live a happy and healthy life as a gay member of your community, as part of a large and loving family and as a successful professional in a stable long term relationship.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

Everybody goes through various stages when they first start dealing with their sexual feelings. Straight people have issues too.

What usually resolves it is when you start attaching your feelings to a particular human being. Then questions like "am I gay, straight, or bi" tend to disappear and other questions, like "is this the right person for me" and "how can I make it happen" become more important.

So just stay open-minded and don't worry about all these labels. When you meet the right person, you'll know.

 

[jayhad90]

Thanks everyone for all the feedback. I am trying to accept myself but it is hard. I am the oldest kid in my family everyone expect great things from me and i know that being gay isnt one of them i dont like lying to them and to myself sometimes lol, but i dont want things to be differnt at all i just want them to understand that i am not going to change because of it. but i know they wont. and thanks again to everyone who wrote back i appreciate it.

 

[bankside]

You like what you like.

You can't decide you hate the taste of cinnamon when you actually enjoy it.

You could avoid eating the cinnamon rolls from the bakery, but why? Because your family doesn't understand that cinnamon is as good as chocolate?

I drove myself nuts wondering why I didn't match what my family assumed I should be. Then I started wishing I could be myself and they could change their negative attitudes instead. That was an important moment for me to be free. Then I didn't just wish for it any more, I expected it.

You can do things to help them understand, but just as there is nothing wrong with cinnamon, they will need to figure it out on their own.

You don't have to tell them anything unless you are ready, but don't try to live out their version of your life. Every human has a right to live his own life.

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

As others have pointed out, there are simply some things you can't control. Most of the difficulties us gay guys face don't come from being gay per se, but from outside expectations. Trying to fit the round peg into the square hole. Imagine being really short - under five feet tall. You could try to pretend to be six feet tall if you wanted to - buy large pants, push the car seat all the way back, put things on the top shelves. But think of all the problems and headaches that would cause. But if you just buy pants the right size, find a car that fits you, and keep things within reach, life isn't that difficult at all.

Your parents can have whatever expectations they'd like, but they remain THEIR expectations. And being gay doesn't alter anything in your life plan. You can STILL have everything you want. Great job, married, kids, house in the suburbs with the picket fence. The only difference is the person you're married to is gonna have a penis.

Lex

 

[SonOfSlobone]

As for your family -- treat them with love and respect, but don't let them run your life. As you get older, circumstances will naturally make you more independent. If you're supporting yourself and living on your own, it's a lot easier to explore sexually.

In the meantime, there's no reason you have to come out to anybody in your family if you think the result would be disastrous. But there may come a time when you feel like you can take a deep breath and just tell them. Play it by ear.

 

[AlmondMilk]

Very cliche, but everyone's different, and it's true. Just because you are gay doesn't mean you have to become a cross dresser and act very feminine. I mean, if you want to do that, then that's fine. But what I'm saying is that yes, you are gay, but just be yourself.

I have come across many gay people. Some who love to wear short shorts, tank tops, and big designer-type bags, and I've met those who were more into cars and sports. There are even those who may like sports and fashion, too. Just because you are gay or bisexual doesn't mean you need to change your life or your outlook on things.

I understand that's it's hard accepting this since there are people with negative attitudes, but if you need to reach out, people will be there. Hopefully there is some haven where you can talk to someone in person, one on one. If there isn't, well then it's good to know you have access to the internet and can chat on JUB

 

[jayhad90]

yeah i know what you all mean but this is the first time i said anything to anyone about being gay and i know that i dont have to change who i am if i say im gay but i dont think my parents see it like that and im glad i finally talked about even if its online i still feel better thanks everyone you all really helped

 

[GM1985]

As long as you are healthy and happy in all other respects, I would just keep calm and see how things progress, no one has the right to judge you.

It took me a long time to accept that I'm different from the majority and after a while, you find your footing and begin to enjoy the fact that you aren't amongst the faceless masses!

Hope you figure out that you are perfectly fine and shouldn't be worrying about this soon.