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I need help ASAP!!!!!!

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OKk, i have a best friend is who secretely bi and male and came out to one of our mutal friends. However I feel bad that my friend cannot confide that information in me because he thinks I can't handle it or would understand what he's going through. Now here's the twist I too am secretly bi and have NEVER told anyone.... how can I come to him in talk in hopes that he will open up. I fear that if I open up he'll clam up and look at me differently.

The moral of my trial is that he's suffering living this secret life and I've too lived that same path and I know if I can talk to him about it that he would se ethat someone else is going through the same turmoil. Do i say anything? Do i leave it alone? Please help I am SO confused people.
 
Your friend is secretly male? :)

What can you do? If he's your best friend, you come out to him. You tell him "I've been keeping something for you for awhile. I'm bisexual. I'm telling you this because we're good friends, and I think you deserve to know." That's it. Don't let on that you know (or suspect, or have heard) that HE's bi. Just leave it at "I'm bisexual".

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
Your friend is secretly male? :)

What can you do? If he's your best friend, you come out to him. You tell him "I've been keeping something for you for awhile. I'm bisexual. I'm telling you this because we're good friends, and I think you deserve to know." That's it. Don't let on that you know (or suspect, or have heard) that HE's bi. Just leave it at "I'm bisexual".

Lex
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Thanks for your reply i appreciate it, but what in the worse cse sceanario he looks at me differently and still doesn't open up? Then I'm left looking foolish ](*,)

Or should i just stay quiet about it, i am so torn with all of the possible outcomes. I feel if we're as god of friends as i think we are that he would want too open up but if he doesn't I'm screwed.
 
>>>Thanks for your reply i appreciate it, but what in the worse cse sceanario he looks at me differently and still doesn't open up? Then I'm left looking foolish.

Then you don't have a best friend. You have some guy you hang out with.

Friends - especially "best friends" - can handle take their friend's things in stride. Friends put up with our bad taste in music, our obsession with our favorite sporting teams and TV shows, and are there for us when we're having issues with that co-worker. Because that's what friends do. Yes, some people would rather keep their stance on sexualities at the expense of a friendship. But I'm happy to report that that's fairly rare. Generally, friends will accept it and even welcome the news. Your friend might not immediately say "that's cool". He might need some time to adjust. But chances are extremely good that he'll still be your friend. Even more so if he's bi himself. But, again, that's not to be brought up yet. :)

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
Your friend is secretly male? :)
Click to expand...

Beat me to it dammit.



OK, you can tell him about yourself and how you feel and what you go through.

The first time I talked to an out gay man about being gay, it was a revelation to me, and a huge factor in realizing that I really wasn't so different.
 
G-Lexington said:
>>>Thanks for your reply i appreciate it, but what in the worse cse sceanario he looks at me differently and still doesn't open up? Then I'm left looking foolish.

Then you don't have a best friend. You have some guy you hang out with.

Friends - especially "best friends" - can handle take their friend's things in stride. Friends put up with our bad taste in music, our obsession with our favorite sporting teams and TV shows, and are there for us when we're having issues with that co-worker. Because that's what friends do. Yes, some people would rather keep their stance on sexualities at the expense of a friendship. But I'm happy to report that that's fairly rare. Generally, friends will accept it and even welcome the news. Your friend might not immediately say "that's cool". He might need some time to adjust. But chances are extremely good that he'll still be your friend. Even more so if he's bi himself. But, again, that's not to be brought up yet. :)

Lex
Click to expand...


I would follow what Lex,, says, he gives great advise...

and being honest with your friend is the most important thing once he realizes this he will understand you and the situation better.
 
G-Lex has the right idea. If he is truly your best friend the fact that your bi won't matter to him. When I told my best friend he was really cool about it. In fact he was glad to know that I trusted him enough to tell him and strengthened the friendship. Best friends aren't concerned with sexuality. They like you for who you are as a person and something like sexuality becomes, essentially, frivolous.

You have an advantage over someone like me. My best friend is straight and I was scared to hell that he would abandon someone who wasn't. In hindsight, it was foolish thought. Since your friend is actually bi, you don't have that to worry about. I think your friend may be thinking the same thing as you right now. If he came out to another friend probably means he want to tell others too. He may also be afraid of how you would react, only he doesn't know your bi.

My advice is the same as G-Lex's. Tell him your bi without bringing up any knowledge of his sexuality. Even if he acts repulsed initially, that's all it is. An act. He will come around eventually.

And like I said, a friend won't look at another friend differently simply because he's bi or gay. If he is your best friend, he will more than likely be relieved and your friendship will only become stronger.

Whatever you decide to do though, hope it goes well dude!
 
Obviously tell him, If he doesn't tell you back I doubt he will be awkward about anything, he technically knows how you feel about being secretely bi. He may however be more upset about being secretely male. Its a hard thing to hide :-P
 
My question is why would your mutual friend tell you this secret? It should tell you that you shouldn't trust him/her. Do you really think he'll stay in the closet once you admit your sexuality? I'd tell him just to level the playing field. I would find it creepy knowing something about a friend that they're not aware that I know.
 
Tell him, but don't expect him to immediately tell you his secret. People often have to work up the nerve to tell someone, just like you are right now. Don't pressure him to come out to you when you come out to him. When the time is right, he will tell you. You telling him will definitely get him thinking about telling you. If you didn't know about him, how much longer would it take you to tell him?

Things may be different with him after you come out, but the odds are high that it will be for the good. If nothing else, you will have someone to talk to about your secret.

By the way, your mutual friend isn't much of a friend. I wouldn't tell this person anything that you wouldn't want to appear on Facebook.
 
The mutual friend he came out to. . .is that person trustworthy? If so, do you think it would be a good idea to come out to them too?
 
Oh for heaven's sakes.

Just tell your friend about you.

So what if he looks at you differently or has difficulty handling it?

Everyone always wants everyone else to risk everything and risk nothing themselves.

Your honesty is the greatest gift you can share with your friend.
 
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

I knew it would be okay.
 
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