I have known that I am gay since I was 14. I am comfortable with it. I see nothing wrong with it. But the society around me thinks otherwise. Hi! I am a 30 yr old guy from India. Born and brought up in a traditional environment. Lost my father when I was very young. Brought up by my single mom who has been nothing but a gods gift to me. I have siblings who are well settled. I also am well settled. Of late there has been lot of pressure from my family to get married. I have successfully dodged it so far saying I dont want to get married yet.So whats the problem? Well, I am in love. I am deeply in love with a colleague of mine. He is the perfect one for me. It all started 8 months ago when we went on a tour together. We were attracted to each other. We even had a physical relationship. I never expressed my true feelings towards him as there were mixed signals from him always. So I finally decided to tell him last week. So I pack up my bags and go to his place. The very first night we sleep together and we hug each other as usual for hours. No sex! The next day he tells me he is in love with a girl who is another colleague of mine. I was shocked. He called me just now to tell me that everything is confirmed from their family side and they are about to get married soon. I dont know how to react. I have cried all day today. I cant bear this grief anymore. No, I aint gonna commit any suicide. Its just that the pain is too much to bear. I need support but whom do I approach? I cant tell this to anyone, certainly not in my country. I feel so shocked that I cant concentrate on any work. I need help. I cant bear this alone.
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I need help guys. Any support will do!
- Thread starter proly1234
- Start date
kallipolis
Know thyself
Words beautifully expressed do not extinguish the anguish that you feel rejected by the object of your love... time heals...leading you to understand that our journey of self discovery includes painful episodes teaching us that intimate relationships can generate joy, and angst beyond our apparent capacity to bear....but we do, for today's lesson emboldens us to keep trying to build loving relationships that will stand the test of time....remain patient and, your life will present you with more opportunities to develop rewarding encounters leading to love within a fulfilling relationship.
It seems he did not regard the relationship as "perfect" as you did.
It is time to pick yourself up and move on. As the other is a colleague continue to maintain a friendship but nothing will be gained in pining for him.
Unfortunately rejection happens in life and you are not alone.
It is time to pick yourself up and move on. As the other is a colleague continue to maintain a friendship but nothing will be gained in pining for him.
Unfortunately rejection happens in life and you are not alone.
proly1234, no doubt you feel confused, angry and betrayed right now.
Whether your friend, whom you felt was your significant other, likes his future wife as much as he liked/likes you is not a question you can answer. Whatever the case, he has yielded to social norms and parental pressure which you have been dodging so far. How he will live the rest of his life will be up to him.
I do not feel you should think yourself as being rejected, perhaps to feel that you have been robbed of him would be more accurate. It is a loss, that is not in dispute, but do remember this whole situation is not of your making. You are but a victim of the society you lived in. You will not be the first to have this experience, and you will not be the only one to feel this way. Unfortunately, that his how your society is.
Do hold the believe that one day you will find another man who would be your soulmate, and both of you will stand up for your preferences. India's population is large, if it is so fated, you will find that man. Or perhaps you will find him in another country, but this is for the future to tell. Until then, just live well, and do not stop looking. Let not your hopes die. Be strong.
May all go well for you.
Whether your friend, whom you felt was your significant other, likes his future wife as much as he liked/likes you is not a question you can answer. Whatever the case, he has yielded to social norms and parental pressure which you have been dodging so far. How he will live the rest of his life will be up to him.
I do not feel you should think yourself as being rejected, perhaps to feel that you have been robbed of him would be more accurate. It is a loss, that is not in dispute, but do remember this whole situation is not of your making. You are but a victim of the society you lived in. You will not be the first to have this experience, and you will not be the only one to feel this way. Unfortunately, that his how your society is.
Do hold the believe that one day you will find another man who would be your soulmate, and both of you will stand up for your preferences. India's population is large, if it is so fated, you will find that man. Or perhaps you will find him in another country, but this is for the future to tell. Until then, just live well, and do not stop looking. Let not your hopes die. Be strong.
May all go well for you.
Rolyo85
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It seems to me like he chose the coward's escape into marriage. He was obviously never truly ok with his feelings for men, so he is going to go the road of so many closet cases - to try and bury it under a sham marriage. Feel pity for him, not anger. But do not try to maintain contact.
As for your situation, I don't know enough of life in India to give you any advice. I can only say this - never get married. You will hurt yourself and an innocent woman whose only fault will have been not seeing through the sham quickly enough. Whatever the repercussions for you, do not get married. If you weren't Indian, I'd say you should just move to America, but it is hard for Indians to find legal purchase here, green-card wise. Still, is moving to a different country not an option for you?
As for your mother, if she has been so supportive of you so far, do you think she might not also accept your sexuality?
As for your situation, I don't know enough of life in India to give you any advice. I can only say this - never get married. You will hurt yourself and an innocent woman whose only fault will have been not seeing through the sham quickly enough. Whatever the repercussions for you, do not get married. If you weren't Indian, I'd say you should just move to America, but it is hard for Indians to find legal purchase here, green-card wise. Still, is moving to a different country not an option for you?
As for your mother, if she has been so supportive of you so far, do you think she might not also accept your sexuality?
aaggii
JUB Addict
Staying or waiting for something to happen with this guy is useless, you will only lose time and get more and more miserable. My tip is simple yet good: meet new people, online or gay bars if you have them there (which I doubt). Meet and talk to new people as much as you can, it get much easier to move on.
Good luck!
Good luck!
Move on. It's always hard, but look for somebody else. Nothing good will ever come out of this by pursuing him.
I sympathize with you but life is more complicated than a fairy tale. Socialize and seek out other guys. This is much easier in big cities in India where men are more anonymous.
Good luck!
I sympathize with you but life is more complicated than a fairy tale. Socialize and seek out other guys. This is much easier in big cities in India where men are more anonymous.
Good luck!