I need help! Please!

[tragikempire]

Ok so... I'm not out at all really, only a few of my friends know. Here's the problem. In high school I had a best friend whose little brother (only 3 yrs younger than me) was freakin' hot. I never made a move on him because of not only the age thing and he was my best friend's little brother but we were unusually close. Whenever I would spend the night at my best friend's house his little brother would insist on sleeping on the mattress with him instead of me sleeping on the floor, he would always moon me and walk around with his ass hanging out, he was always hugging me and standing right next to me even when there was no need to. I was and am attracted to him so I let him and condoned it as much as I could without crossing the line. He always seemed a little on the gay side though.

So, he and I are still super close despite his brother and I hating each other. He always calls me to hang out and wants me to go places with him and now he's completely legal ( he's 18 ) and he's fuckin' HOT! (more than before) the problem is... he still does all those things he did when he was younger around me, but now he says he's really anti-gay. But... he keeps giving me all these signals that he tells me HIMSELF that he gives to girls he likes.

Another thing that I'm not sure affects this situation but might... he was in an accident in June and his genitals are now malfunctioning and he constantly tells me about how he "can't get hard enough to get off" and "when i get hard enough it doesn't come out."

HELP what the HELL does he want from me and what do I do?? I really like him in BOTH ways and I don't want to mess either up.

 

[tragikempire]

UPDATE! He just called me and asked me to come spend the night cuz he needs help correcting his already perfect English essay. The teacher said the grammar was off. He knows I'm an English major and it would only take me about an HOUR to fix his mistakes... why do I need to spend the night??

 

[Telstra]

umm just ask him any questions you want to ask him or tell him.

By the way, who is that hotty on your avatar? Is that you?

 

[tragikempire]

But he doesn't know I'm gay... and I don't want to be outted. We live in a small town.

That hottie hottie hot hot in my avatar is Rob Hoffman (She's the Man and Step Up 2)

 

[G-Lexington]

It seems whenever somebody sends out some vague signals, the first thing we do is turn to everybody and ask "What does this mean?" Everybody, that is, except the person who holds the answer to the question.

So ask. "What does this mean?" You don't have to be that explicit, but you can ask. If he makes some sort of anti-gay comment, say "Why do you say that? I actually have always thought that maybe you were gay or bi." Say it in a pleasant, not accusatory way. If he demands to know why you think that, tell him. "Well, I dunno. You show your ass off to me a lot and stuff. I don't mind it, really - actually I kinda like it."

Lex

 

[tragikempire]

There's no easy answer to this, but maybe he's asking you to come over and spend the night as a friend (even though I don't hear of this happening a lot as a college student, usually you just crash at your friends place because your to drunk to get back to yours.)

If you want to persue a relatinoship sexually with him, the only options you have are
1) wait for him to make a move
2) you make the first move
3) flat out ask him if he's interested

Otherwise you just have to play along, hang out with him like you usually do, and pray for the best. Whether that means you enter a relationship, or you stay best friend.

Best of luck :/

~stroker

we live a block away from each other. there's NO explanation for why i would have to spend the night there. i don't want to out myself because we live in a small town. and if i flat out ask him if he's interested he'll think i'm joking no matter how many times i ask him. so my option is wait for him to make the first move but it's like... sooo fucking sexually frustrating being around him. i have to fight a hard on almost 90% of the time i'm around him...

 

[tragikempire]

It seems whenever somebody sends out some vague signals, the first thing we do is turn to everybody and ask "What does this mean?" Everybody, that is, except the person who holds the answer to the question.

So ask. "What does this mean?" You don't have to be that explicit, but you can ask. If he makes some sort of anti-gay comment, say "Why do you say that? I actually have always thought that maybe you were gay or bi." Say it in a pleasant, not accusatory way. If he demands to know why you think that, tell him. "Well, I dunno. You show your ass off to me a lot and stuff. I don't mind it, really - actually I kinda like it."

Lex

Thanks Lex. I guess it just sucks hearing the advice we already subconsciously know we should follow.

 

[racer2438]

Thanks Lex. I guess it just sucks hearing the advice we already subconsciously know we should follow.

There's probly no one better on here for good advice than that of Lex.


I'm not dissen every else, cus your all good too but I really like what he says nearly all the time. Just MY opinion only..

And no I do know him I just read alot of his advice.

Thats why this place is so cool, we all make a great bunch of people..

 

[backpacker]

Lex's advice is great. If you are not ready to follow his advice, I would suggest that you racket up the flirting with him. Whenever he does something, flirt back with him big time. You can do it as a joke. If he responds with more flirting, you will know he's definitely interested.

When he shows you his ass do you make any comments like "man I sure would like some of that" or "I love your ass". Do you ever show him your ass?

When he invited you to spend the night, did you make any flirtatious comments? Something like "I bet you just want to molest me while I sleep."

PS - I still think the best thing to do would be to follow Lex's advice.

 

[tragikempire]

you also have good advice backpacker... i should step up the flirting. he hasn't been showing me his ass for the past month now maybe but before it was quite often. i haven't really said anything to him when he's done that. the only thing i've said was "put that away before i take it as an offer" and he just laughed and kept walking without pulling his pants up.

after last night he called me today and told me he'd come pick me up (i can't drive right now) because he wanted my help with his paper... which i finished correcting in a matter of 20 minutes -- the entire time he was leaning on my shoulder and watching me type. then... after i fixed the paper i sat on the couch and he came and sat right next to me. open couches were in the room and he came to sit next to me. i told him i was thinking about moving to washington and he grabbed his laptop and was like can i stay with you if i get into a college up there? and i was just like you don't even have to ask, you can always stay with me, whenever you want. and he got all excited and ended up applying at washington. so... i'm really getting more and more confused every day.

 

[backpacker]

Of course we only know what you write, but from what you have told us, it sure sounds like he's likes you as more than just a friend.

With regard to his anti-gay remarks. I can see two reasons for those remarks even if he is gay. Many closeted guys make anti-gay remarks to make people think they are straight. The ones who make the most remarks are the most likely to be gay. Sometimes guys are denial and make remarks to make themselves think they are straight. He may be having a hard time dealing with his homosexual feelings. Based on what you have written, I'm leaning more toward he's trying to look straight.

Your confusion and frustration are why so many gay guys won't mess with closeted or confused guys. Most the time it leads to heartache. You will drive yourself crazy if you keep this guessing game going too long. At some point in the near future you are going to have to make a move. If you let it go too long it will destroy the friendship. If you figure it out now (or soon), there is a good chance that you can save the friendship even if he isn't interested. Good luck!

 

[CaliBoy601]

There isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said

I just want to let you know that I am interested in how this turns out!! Keep us updated

 

[Muscles4daze]

Maybe he makes those anti-gay remarks to see what are your views on homosexuality, he's probably trying to feel you out.

 

[backpacker]

Maybe he makes those anti-gay remarks to see what are your views on homosexuality, he's probably trying to feel you out.

That's a great point. When he makes the anti-gay remarks, you should rebuff his remarks. Say something like "Dude, that's really not cool to be picking on gays. That's the way they were born."

 

[tragikempire]

well we're both raised going to the same church so i know my conflicting feelings from my religion and the fact that i'm bi and it's tough on me... so if he is bi or gay i know the kinds of things that he's going through in his head and it could be the reason for his anti-gay remarks. his step dad is a total dick and he's one of those "homos aren't humans, they don't need rights" types of people. so in that situation i can definitely see why he would be closeting himself, as well as trying to throw suspicion off...

i'm definitely going to have to kick up the flirting and when he makes anti-gay comments i'm going to have to make known my viewpoints and let him know i'm really open towards gays... hopefully that will pull him out into a situation that would make him feel safe to come out to me. then i'll come out to him and see where it leads from there. otherwise i'm just going to have to keep being masochistic and just stay friends with him. i really love him like a brother -- even if he's not gay.

so thanks you guys for all your help and i'll definitely keep you updated as much as i can and i'll let you know the outcome as soon as it happens.

 

[amyleeisjesus]

he hasn't been showing me his ass for the past month now maybe but before it was quite often. i haven't really said anything to him when he's done that. the only thing i've said was "put that away before i take it as an offer" and he just laughed and kept walking without pulling his pants up.

I'm not sure what else you want there. You shouldn't make a promise you can't keep, especially when you're apparently invited to do it. That's close to as obvious a sign as it gets.

I always marvel at how some guys sit there agonizing over whether their crush likes them while the guy in question is regularly exposing himself, making tons of unmistakable sexual innuendos, etc. I'm glad you're going to ramp it up because by all accounts you should be on that shit already.