I need Help! someone give me some advice

[spencer]

he had another friend that came out to him? can you say closet case magnet? I had a friend like that once. Me and this other guy had an unspoken competition (we were both closet cases) well, he put the old, I'm going to look at your package in your sleep move and my friend totally ended friendship with him. Well when I found out they still hung out I called him out on it and he ended friendship with me and I'm not the one who tried to play with his package in his sleep!

Anyway, I still think he's just a guy, maybe likes to show off to eff with you, that's about it. but yea, see how far he takes it. Again, aren't guys with girlfriends straight anymore?

 

[TX-Beau]

...Again, aren't guys with girlfriends straight anymore?

Not on this board, though I suspect back in real life they pretty much all are.

 

[youngnihilist]

^You'd be surprised how many are bi. The days of true gay men marrying women in our younger generation is probably far less, but tons of young bi guys still have girlfriends.

 

[TX-Beau]

^You'd be surprised how many are bi. The days of true gay men marrying women in our younger generation is probably far less, but tons of young bi guys still have girlfriends.

No I wouldn't, I'd be surprised if half the guys who call themselves "bi" are in fact bi.

I'm not 85. Tons of young guys were playing the same games I see in here every day they were playing when I was 19.

 

[daman23]

Having a girlfriend does not mean anything. I know this from experience. I am 26 and I have had girlfriends all my life. I just started talking to dudes about a year and a half ago......... Some people use it as a cover up and some people really are just bi....... Also there are a lot of straight guys that would be bi or gay even but are scared to act on their emotions. Trust me i think there is a lot more gay and bi-curios men then you think.....

And for the record Im not just sitting at home daydreaming and wishing on a star. I DO have a life.. I would REALLY, really like for something to happen but if it doesnt it doesn't, if it does, Great! ... and not to sound like an ass but who cares if the girlfriend gets screwed over.... I know that was harsh but.. we are all adults and make our own decisions. If he does have feelings for me she will get screwed in the future because he will get feelings for another guy and sooner or later he will act on them or he will be the one getting screwed over. in life........

Also I could be twisting this all in my head, but Im sure a lot of you know when somebody likes you, sometimes you can just tell. and this is the vibe that i get from him.... I think thats what drove me to liking him.... although we have known each other for about a year now, he still gets a little nervous around me and i definitely get a little nervous around him..... (not really in a bad way but in a i dont want to look like a fool in front of this person way)

The more attention i show him the more his girlfriend conveniently "starts getting on his nerves"

Recently I broke my cell phone by being a bonehead and getting in the hot tub with it(forgot i had it in my pocket) I told my roommate about it and he asked me what dude was i banging in the hot tub?(which is exactly what i was doing in the hot tub but he didnt know..) He asked playfully but had a look on his face that was serious. it caught me off gaurd. so i said huh? and he asked me again... the way he asked it was as if he knew... i just laughed it off. but immediately after asking this, once again he came and sat as close as could on the couch beside me. i mean CLOSE, closer than any of my other straight friends would seeing as though its a whole couch left. damn i want this dude so bad. i hope i am not making it up in my head.... either way im getting closer and closer to telling him but i dont do very well with rejection and this to me would be the worst and most embarrassing rejection EVER if it wasn't what i thought. THAT would make things awkward at least for me seeing as though i would still have to live with him............

sorry for the lengthy response, had a lot to say............

 

[daman23]

and to TX-Beau i dont want some random no strings fuck buddy, been there done that and its not my cup of tea... and i know i have issues im working on them

 

[G-Lexington]

I think I'm done here.

Lex

 

[TX-Beau]

Having a girlfriend does not mean anything. I know this from experience. I am 26 and I have had girlfriends all my life. I just started talking to dudes about a year and a half ago......... Some people use it as a cover up and some people really are just bi....... Also there are a lot of straight guys that would be bi or gay even but are scared to act on their emotions. Trust me i think there is a lot more gay and bi-curios men then you think.....

Trust me, been there done that. I called myself straight, bi, straight acting, had the girlfriends, the whole she-bang.

There are two levels to what you're saying here. One the one hand, the intellectual one, it's probably true that a lot of guys have wondered.

It's also true that guys who want other guys strongly enough, have a tendency inflate that number out of sheer hope, to see things that are not there, to interpret every move a straight guy makes in the best possible way to mean sex. All the while insistently blindering themselves to all the signs that point the other way.

Is that you? We don't know, all we know is taken from your perspective and your opinion. If you're wrong, we're wrong because no one in here is hearing his side of this.

On the other hand, gay guys have problems with their gayness, they hide, they rationalize, they make excuses, until they get over the societal prohibition against homosexuality. Do you honestly think, that in reality, most straight guys who may have had one or two random curiosities are going to run that emotional gauntlet just for a few random curiosities?

What we also know, is that if you pursue someone in a relationship, straight or gay, you've inserted yourself where you do not belong. You are in control of what you do, and aside from the messy drama that will result from being the other woman, it's not being a stand up guy, it's not ethical.

The girlfriend is not a mannequin who can't be hurt, even if she never finds out you still affect her relationship, why would you do that to someone?

Why would you treat someone in a manner that would really hurt you if the situation was reversed?

 

[KaraBulut]

I hope we don't run out of scones.

 

[Just_Believe18]

... and not to sound like an ass but who cares if the girlfriend gets screwed over.... I know that was harsh but.. we are all adults and make our own decisions. If he does have feelings for me she will get screwed in the future because he will get feelings for another guy and sooner or later he will act on them or he will be the one getting screwed over. in life........

Well, this settles it for me.

You deserve everything that's coming to you in the near future.

 

[youngnihilist]

They are bi, they just don't admit it

 

[daman23]

ok maybe you guys are right about the relationship thing.... This situation has been eating at me i need a resolution. do you think i should. A. just come out to him B. leave well enough alone and just forget about it?

 

[sheep]

ok maybe you guys are right about the relationship thing.... This situation has been eating at me i need a resolution. do you think i should. A. just come out to him B. leave well enough alone and just forget about it?

Come out to him. Maybe a couple of drinks with him may quell the anxiety. You are going to have to play it by ear. Perhaps you could tell him because you respect him that you didn't want to appear as untruthful with regards to your sexual orientation. You could also tell him that you have trouble admitting it to yourself because you just aren't sure.

You will be fine.

As far as having a sexual relationship with him, that's one for another day. At least he will know that you are *game*.

 

[TX-Beau]

Who can say? Honestly, there's only one way to find out. One thing's for sure though. You come out to him and you're effectively ending the guessing games; if he's interested, he'll let you know.

This is the primary irony of all of these situations. The OTHER guy has to say something, the OTHER guy has to make a move, the OTHER guy has to do all the work, and take all the chance.

Honestly why gay boys in the closet who can’t come out think it’s probable that another gay boy in the closet is going to, then sit around all paralyzed in the dark, dramatic angst of “is he, isn’t he,” I have no clue. If you can’t, why do you think he can?

If one really wants an answer, it’s very simple to get one. I suspect that much of the reluctance to get a real answer stems from the unwelcome suspicion that the other guy isn’t gay at all.

Daman, it’s very simple. Tell him you like boys, watch his reaction, if he then drops his girlfriend like a hot potato, you can jump on him. I don’t think this will happen. But who knows, maybe he’s just lying to her in desperate want of you? Stranger things have happened in Chinese Opera. If he is lying to her, what does that say about him?

If all you intend to do is agonize over what to do, that makes me think you’ll do nothing at all, ever, in which case the advice is move on until you’re comfortable enough with yourself to be a decent prospect. Because Two boys in the closet have ho chance at a real relationship, one boy in and one boy out, have very little more. It takes two boys without hang-ups to make a viable chance.

 

[koibito24]

well, i think, that now thats he's mentioned you bangin other guys (hot tub incident), i think he has clue. id say he's as nervous as you are and doesnt want to make an assumption about you.

id say just come out and tell him. say something like, "hey, before you hear it from someone else, i thought id let you know that Im bi. Ive wanted to tell you from the get-go, but i didnt want to weird you out. now that we've been roomies for a while, i thought id be honest and tell you. ive seen you get defensive for your gay/bi friends and i find that admirable. i havent seen many str8 guys do that." Hopefully saying something like that will help him open up some about his sexuality or at least it will confirm to him of your sexuality.

also, you should defintiely end it with the good ol', "if there's anything you ever need to tell me, im an open door."

Then hopefully you guys will

 

[daman23]

well, i think, that now thats he's mentioned you bangin other guys (hot tub incident), i think he has clue. id say he's as nervous as you are and doesnt want to make an assumption about you.

id say just come out and tell him. say something like, "hey, before you hear it from someone else, i thought id let you know that Im bi. Ive wanted to tell you from the get-go, but i didnt want to weird you out. now that we've been roomies for a while, i thought id be honest and tell you. ive seen you get defensive for your gay/bi friends and i find that admirable. i havent seen many str8 guys do that." Hopefully saying something like that will help him open up some about his sexuality or at least it will confirm to him of your sexuality.

also, you should defintiely end it with the good ol', "if there's anything you ever need to tell me, im an open door."

Then hopefully you guys will

HAHA very funny and very well put.... good advice........ and as of late he keeps on pushing at it like he knows or something..... its weird. But maybe hes just ragging on me. idk..... but good advice from you and everyone i will take it all into consideration. i think i will just go ahead tell him if the right moment arrives and i dont think it feel all awkward..

 

[sheep]

HAHA very funny and very well put.... good advice........ and as of late he keeps on pushing at it like he knows or something..... its weird. But maybe hes just ragging on me. idk..... but good advice from you and everyone i will take it all into consideration. i think i will just go ahead tell him if the right moment arrives and i dont think it feel all awkward..

You know, this is exactly the right approach IMHO and precisely the right wording. Daman -- your answer is right too except the last line should read *i will just go ahead tell him when the right moment arrives. BTW did u actually bang some guy in the hot tub?

 

[daman23]

You know, this is exactly the right approach IMHO and precisely the right wording. Daman -- your answer is right too except the last line should read *i will just go ahead tell him when the right moment arrives. BTW did u actually bang some guy in the hot tub?

YEAH, i did. that's what caught me so off gaurd when he said it. It was like he knew.... i know probably just a coincidence right?... and then the next day he said another comment about liking guys.... idk the more he keeps joking like this it is kinda making me less nervous about telling him...

 

[Blueboy369]

How about just saying things like "dude you look so hot in those jeans, I'd hit it". Say everything with a smile. You can show interest in guys without actually making a big "coming out" statement.

 

[koibito24]

How about just saying things like "dude you look so hot in those jeans, I'd hit it". Say everything with a smile. You can show interest in guys without actually making a big "coming out" statement.

i actually thought of responding with something like this, but i went with a more "formal" approach, if you'd call it that. LOL. Im not saying that your approach is wrong or wouldnt work though. i guess we'll just have to wait and see how this all turns up. Hopefully it all goes over well.