I need help

[rareboy]

Well, there you answered yourself.

Stay closeted.

Keep a girl around as a beard.

And don't ever, ever let your parents know that you're queer.

At least not until you've taken them for every penny you can get from them.

But don't complain.

 

[TX-Beau]

Alright i've been reading the posts on here, and now i need some advice... I'm gay but to maintain a certain image i have a girlfriend please save the comments... well me and this kid mike have been seeing each other for a while we met online and it seemed like a good match, he's 18 i'm 19. He also has a girlfriend too... well its been like 6 months and he is talking about breaking up with his girlfriend to be with me. i have nothing against being out, but i k what my parents reaction will be and financially i am in no position to end contact with my family... I'm a sophmore in college and dont have 45 grand a year for tuition. Mike wants to just move in together and figure it out afterwards. He said that being together will be better than acting as just friends around our girls and family... I've tried to explain that I wont have a job if we did that at this point, I dont know what else i can do except break it off... I'm not willing to throw away my future to see if something might work. Any suggestions of what i can say i really dont wanna loose him but I can't loose my life to go out on a feeling

While I am never an advocate of fucking up your life because your parents are ‘phobes, and I agree that you should keep them in the dark until you don’t need them – if you’re sure they will freak, I have to say that stringing a couple of girls along for the ride is kinda crass.

You don’t want this guy to threaten your closeted life, your “image,” whatever you mean by that, but you don’t want to give him up either. Well, it’s decision time, it’s not fair to ask him to wait for you, especially since you have a commitment to someone else entirely. Incidentally you don’t need a fake girlfriend to be in the closet, and you don’t need advice to come to a solution, you’ve already come to one. So, I suppose you’re here for moral support.

By all means break it off, relationships in the closet never work, you both have some honesty problems with the relationships you’re in. You don’t want to get kicked out of school – which at least I’ll credit as a decent motive. Tell him not to fuck up his life over you, you have no intention of coming out, and your image is more important to you than he is, if that doesn't end it, you're in for an ugly ride. If he’s ready to come out and you’re not, you’re a bad prospect for a relationship anyway.

 

[TX-Beau]

Well, there you answered yourself.

Stay closeted.

Keep a girl around as a beard.

And don't ever, ever let your parents know that you're queer.

At least not until you've taken them for every penny you can get from them.

But don't complain.

Beat me to it. Except for the tuition thing. If the only reason his parents won't pay for school is because he's gay, then by all means don't tell them until you get the same support a straight child would have gotten.

 

[KaraBulut]

The general rule is that you should not come out if your personal safety is threatened or if you are a student who is financially dependent on your parents and you fear they will cut you off.

With that said, there's a bigger problem here- you're living a lie and you're lying to people who care about you. Eventually, a lot of people will be hurt because of your lies.

 

[TX-Beau]

The idea of taking things slowly isn’t what people are objecting to, for me it’s not even the issue of waiting til you’re out of college to come out to your parents. It’s the girlfriends you’re lying to, the total lack of consideration that you’d string them along, while the only issue you seem to have over that, is that you don’t want the other guy to upset your lie. How fair is that? Be a stand up guy and let them go find straight guys to date who want them for themselves and don’t see them as a duck blind. That and the idea that your “image,” is more important than the guy I assume you’d rather be with. Though I have to say, it doesn’t really sound like you’re that into him either, your portrayal of him is hardly positive. What's coming across mostly is that this seems to be all about you, how your life will be affected, who you want to hide from for reasons that are yours alone. So either you are just that selfish, or you need restate the problem more clearly.

Stay in the closet as long as you want. But don’t be a tool and hurt other people for the sake of a façade you know is fake.

You start telling people the truth, that's what you do, starting with this guy. Tell him all of it, no dodges, no ambiguity, no omissions. Then you start over from there. You don't have to come out all at once, but the longer you're actively deceitful about it (girlfriend,) the worse off you're going to be.

 

[martin6]

You don't need advice-- you've just shown that you think this kid is full of bad ideas. Go ahead and be young and carefree living with your parents.

And if you wanna come out, I doubt your parents would kick you out from what you told us of them. Don't be so afraid.

 

[KaraBulut]

The idea of taking things slowly isn’t what people are objecting to, for me it’s not even the issue of waiting til you’re out of college to come out to your parents. It’s the girlfriends you’re lying to, the total lack of consideration that you’d string them along, while the only issue you seem to have over that, is that you don’t want the other guy to upset your lie. How fair is that? .

Exactly.

It can be argued that being in the closet is lying. If so, it's a much less serious lie than dating women when you know you're gay and you've got a boyfriend on the side.

Being in closet mostly hurts you. Knowingly dating women that you two-time on is the kind of stuff that hurts a lot of people.


And the thing that was missing was, "How do you feel about Mike? Do you love him? Or is he just a fuckbuddy?"

 

[nautiboyjeff]

I think you probably owe it to the girls to end your relationships. But take it one step at a time. Your educations (and his too) should be primary. You are only 18 and 19, so take it from some wiser ones, that you need to keep that as a priority.

You seem to have a very level head. Mike, he seems to be a little more emotionally driven. Makes for a good pair but you have to lead.

Explain that you need to get rid of the girlfriends and then tell him to figure out what to do next. He should get a job and save for your place together as a good first step. If you guys get some savings, then perhaps that can be a next step.

I personally think that you should hold off coming out to the parents until you are sure they will continue to support you. You might be amazed that they may know or will know and just don't want to say anything for quite some time.....denial is a very powerful thing. Don't hide, but you don't have to come busting out either.

Just don't think this is an all or nothing thing.

Good luck
Jeff

 

[backpacker]

You seem to have thought everything through and have logical reasons for not getting an apartment with him. Now what you need to do is tell him. It may be helpful to create a budget for an apartment including the utilities, expenses, groceries, etc. He may be surprised just how expensive living on your own can be. The good news is that he has very strong feelings for you as demonstrated by his willingness to risk everything. You could even offer to revisit the subject after your junior year.

As others have said, you both need to break up with the girls. Not only are you leading them along, you are also cheating on them. You also don't need girlfriends to convince everyone you are straight. If they ask why you don't have a girlfriend, say you don't have time and don't want the hassle.

 

[spencer]

I agree with the advice given.

I also think that since your parents are paying all this money for school, you should utilize paragraphs in your writing