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I need some advice...Please Help Me!

asahi82

asahi82

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Hey guys, my question is why does a guy invite you out a week in advance and then he promise to call you or text but never does...like wtf why even bother if he doesn't have any intention of calling you or even contacting you. I'm sorry, I'm just really frustrated and hurt. Can anyone please help me find some kind of understanding? ](*,) Thanks!
 
Guys like that suck. Unfortunately they are out there and you will run into them even if you try not to. Just remember that this has no reflection on you. You might be thinking what is wrong with me but in reality I am thinking what is wrong with him.
 
It's all part of the dating culture. For some reason, people have a hard time being honest with people. I guess they don't like giving bad news. Anyway, if you're going to enter the dating game, get used to it.
 
Are you saying they set up a date, promise to call or text, and then don't--AND don't show up for the date, either?

If so, start meeting a higher quality of man.

I think the easiest explanation is that they don't know how not to set up a date, so they do so without any intention of following through. Yes, it's rude and hurtful, but they don't think of that. What they ARE thinking about is getting out of the real-life situation they're in gracefully by setting up a date before leaving your presence. That avoids a situation that they would consider very awkward.

You can shield yourself against this awful behavior by not setting up a date until you get to know someone a little better. Exchange phone numbers or emails and "promise to keep in touch." If, the next morning, you still like (or remember) them, then jot them a note. If they respond, fine, then take it from there. If they ignore you, then blow them off.

Good luck. What you've experienced is awful behavior and you need to do things to protect yourself from being hurt like this in the future.
 
Thanks for all the great responses, I really appreciate it. I need to clarify some things though...I guess by the sound of my post, it seemed that this guy was just some random guy I met at the club or something. Some part of me wish he was some random guy because I think I would not have been so attached and hurt. Bottom line, I work with this guy for about a year now and I thought we were getting close and everything. Anyway, now I think it will be a bit awkward when I go back to work and see him...I just don't know what to do.
 
he doesn't sound like a "talk his feelings out" sorta dude,

so just act like it's not a big deal, and say, "Hey, what happened with (the event?) I waited for you and you never showed?"

Or "Hey, what happened with the info about (the event). I don't think I got your call."

say it cool like you aren't bothered by it, and if he mumbles some pathetic excuse, he's a jerk and you need to move on....

BUT, if he's overly sorry, like he forgot, or was busy, there might still be hope

but then again, if he's ALWAYS sorry, notice the pattern and confront him.

I know this seems kinda harsh, but that's a simple hospitality thing that some guys don't have built into them...
 
I try to avoid dating anyone at work or clubs that I go to for that reason. It can be really awkward if things don’t work out. I would recommend what allyigator says. Just act like it’s no big deal. There is no point in trying to help him improve his social ignorance. He’ll have to learn that on his own.
 
First. Sorry that happened to you. I've had that happen and it's not fun. It hurts terribly and leaves you wondering what you did or said. In reality it's not your fault. You held up your end of the deal. He did not. You did not do anything wrong from what you have told us. However, we don't know everything yet. Maybe something came up at the last minute. Maybe there was a family emergency that he had to take care of. It doesn't excuse his being rude and not calling you to tell you why he had to cancel. Next time you see him be straight forward and ask what happened. If he has a good excuse and you believe him, cool. I would tell him I understand but he should have at least called to let you know. If he gives you some bs, call him on it and tell him your done being used and treated that way. I'd never trust him again if he can't give you an honest answer.

on a side note, generally speaking. Guys, have some respect for the person you made plans with. Be polite and CALL if you change your mind or can't make it. I know it's easier to wimp out and text. Grow a set and have enough respect to call. We are getting caught up in technology and losing our manners. It's so much easier to hide behind an email or text and be rude. I see it all the time on line and it's not cool to do that to people.
 
People like that truly suck and deserve bad kharma.

Twice I was asked out and numbers were exchanged. Apparently, when someone asks you for your number and you exchange numbers you're not supposed to call them cause, I never got to talk to either of them, let alone hung out.
 
You have done nothing wrong ... if he said he'd connect you and didn't then it wasn't to be. If his intentions were true then he would have called.
There are plenty of good guys out there for you to meet so don't worry about it (*8*)
 
I went into work today trying to act like it wasn't a big deal but I couldn't help feeling frustrated and angry so I tried to avoid him for most of the day.

But I guess I couldn't avoid him forever, and when we finally met face to face all he said was "What's up dude." Like wtf...no apology, no explanation, nothing! He's such an inconsiderate jerk!

I'm no better though because despite all his faults, I still can't get him out of my mind and every time he smiles at me I just feel more drawn to him. I'm such a dumb ass...god what's wrong with me?
 
The guy is an emotional infant.

The world is full of insincere people who live only in the moment and who pursue their own pleasure no matter what.

Avoid them like the plague and start dating adults.
 
I just don't understand him...he was constantly touching me today and trying to talk to me even though I tried to avoid him. Despite all this attention he has yet to talk about that night we were suppose to go out. What is his problem? I'm really trying to forget about him and move on but he's making it so difficult. I just don't know what to do about him...](*,)
 
He may have forgot that you guys had plans. If that's the case, he's not that into you. He may remember, but had a better offer. Once again he's not that into you. He may have been waiting for you to call. He may not have thought the plans were as firm as you did. There are numerous possibilities to explain his behavior. Some would indicate he's a jerk and others indicate a misunderstanding. I think a lot of the possibilities depend on his personality. Next time he starts hitting on you, speak up. Say something like, "Why are you hitting on me when you didn't brother to keep our date?"
 
asahi82 said:
I just don't understand him...he was constantly touching me today and trying to talk to me even though I tried to avoid him. Despite all this attention he has yet to talk about that night we were suppose to go out. What is his problem? I'm really trying to forget about him and move on but he's making it so difficult. I just don't know what to do about him...](*,)
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tell him to stop touching you. he won't like this and he may apologise. If he does it then you will discuss the matter further. If he doesn't apologise then he's a jerk and he doesn't deserve anything more from you.

;)
 
whenever, I make plans with anyone a week in advance I always always confirm the night or two before. I even ask for my friends to do the same just in case I forget too.
 
asahi82 said:
I just don't understand him...he was constantly touching me today and trying to talk to me even though I tried to avoid him. Despite all this attention he has yet to talk about that night we were suppose to go out. What is his problem? I'm really trying to forget about him and move on but he's making it so difficult. I just don't know what to do about him...](*,)
Click to expand...


OK, And just think about this, there's no need to respond.

You are absolutely in control of what you do about your feelings. He's not responsible for how you act about him, any more than you're responsible for him being a flake.

1. Are you absolutely sure he made the commitment you thought he did? Are you absolutely sure he meant it as a date?

2. If he did, then you already know exactly how things with him will go. Do you want to go there. If it's at all possible he thought you were just going to be hangin out as buddies, that's a completely different animal.

3. Are you expecting more from this than he is?

If all he wants is a buddy maybe with perks there's nothing wrong with that - so long as it's clear that's what he wants, and you're capable of doing that. But you seem to be making an emotional investment on your side. You can blame him for being a flake, for being unreliable, that's on him, you can go into this knowing that and take it for just what it is.

But of you moon over him, and mope, and try to be his boyfriend - you already know he's not reliable - when you get hurt, that would be on you. take care of yourself first. He's not dating material.
 
asahi82 said:
I just don't understand him...he was constantly touching me today and trying to talk to me even though I tried to avoid him. Despite all this attention he has yet to talk about that night we were suppose to go out. What is his problem? I'm really trying to forget about him and move on but he's making it so difficult. I just don't know what to do about him...](*,)
Click to expand...

He probably knows your into him and gets self gratification knowing it. Treat him the way he treats you.
 
So I just found out from this guy of mine that he is moving to another state, and I feel like my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces. I care about this guy sooo much that I feel like a part of me is dying. :cry:

I just don't know how I can overcome this pain in my heart. Why does it seem like when everything is going great in your life, then something terrible has to happen...it's like there always has to be a balance. This sucks so bad, and I just don't know what to do. I can't stop crying...it's so pathetic! I'm really sorry guys for this post, I must sound like a real loser...sorry
 
this will actually help you. but it will be sad. if you want to remain his friend you should transition to keeping up with him via phone or online. If your interaction with him is limited to saying hit to him when you see him then it's going to be difficult to keep in touch.
 
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