I need some advice...

[elliot52]

Before I explain all of this, I have to preface my story with a few things. I'm 19 and haven't done anything with a guy before. I live in a fairly small town in Indiana, so I didn't really have many dating options while I was in high school. There were only 2 guys at my high school that were out, and they were extremely flamboyant and feminine (not that that is a bad thing at all, just not my thing) I graduated last year, and took a year off to work and save money until I figured out where I wanted to go college and what I really wanted to do with my life. So the past year, along with working, I've also been looking into finding a guy. Like I said, I'm 19 (almost 20) and have never been with a guy before. I'm ready to experience something. I joined websites like gay.com, and even found some people on facebook to talk to. Whenever I find a guy I'm attracted to and we start to hit it off...they want to meet. I always get to this step and freak out. I want a boyfriend, and I enjoy talking to these guys...but when it gets to the point where we're both ready to meet, I can't handle it. I don't know what it is, or whats wrong, but I just get so scared in my head that either I'm not going to be good enough, or maybe that they'll ending being way different in person, or the whole thing will just be really awkward and awful. I know I definitely tend to overanalyze things...but its becoming a problem. I've done this to three different guys now. We start to chat, hit it off, then we start making plans to meet up...and I bail. I keep making excuses as to why we can't meet, we slowly stop talking, and thats it. I just don't know whats wrong. I've always been a fairly confident person...I feel like I'm a pretty attractive, intelligent, down to earth guy, but I just don't know what to do anymore.

Anyway, I found this really amazing art school in Chicago, and ended up getting accepted there. I leave in 2 months...but I also just started talking to this really amazing guy. And he wants to meet up soon and hang out. I just don't wanna do this to another guy. I'm getting ready to leave for Chicago, and he knows that, but says that that shouldn't stop us from hanging out some this summer, which is totally reasonable; I just don't want this to turn out like every other guy I've talked to. Ugh

Any helpful advice at all would be greatly appreciated!

 

[OnixWish]

Wow we have the same situation, except i dont ever get to the step of actually setting up a time to meet people. all i can tell you is what people tell me is be patient and someone will come in the future. i know you probably want something new in your life and really want to go to the next chapter, but you just have to be patient and wait for that opportunity. you will have somebody soon, just keep believing it

 

[garion]

I think you sometimes just have to take the bull by the horns. You sound like you're ready to take the next step and meet up with someone but you've built it up in your head to this big, terrifying experience.

Yeah, it is a bit scary - especially the first time - but if it pays off, it will be well worth it. He might be the guy of your dreams (or at least someone you can hang out with for the summer).

If it doesn't work out and you don't hit it off with the guy, then at least you have got over the first hurdle of getting out there and meeting someone. The next time will be a little easier.

As mentioned above, go somewhere public for the first date, if you're not comfortable meeting in private. If you can, let someone know where you're going.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

 

[voyager1994]

Meeting a guy through the internet is not my thing. I wouldn't say that you shouldn't, but it all depends on what you're comfortable with. If you feel you're not ready to meet someone through the internet, then you should try the traditional way - clubs, social events, sports, or school. If you will live in a campus residence, that would be a good start.

You sound like a really nice fellow from what I can tell in your post. Being nice is all it takes to meet people. Being attractive would be a bonus. I think you have what you need to start finding a boyfriend.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

[KaraBulut]

I'm moving your thread to the Coming Out and Relationships forum since Hot Topics tends to be for more lighter fare.

Just like a half empty/half full glass, there's always two ways to look at these situations.

You can say, "I am leaving in two months so there's not much point in getting into a serious relationship since it will just end when summer is over."

Or you can say, "I only have two months so I'm going to make the best of those two months and enjoy every minute of it that I can."

There is no right answer here. There's only the answer that is right for you.

 

[Lube]

Or you can say, "I only have two months so I'm going to make the best of those two months and enjoy every minute of it that I can."

The advantage of thinking about it this way is, you don't have to worry about not measuring up, because you'll be leaving soon anyway.

So you can relax. Finally.

 

[spencer]

you can't have a relationship without a first date. you've done everything right up until the showing up part. the question is why? perhaps you're not ready to succeed yet.

you're like the guys I meet online. we hit it off and there's no first outing. I figure they weren't ready, but they missed out on the potential. maybe you shouldn't do this to guys if you do this a lot.

 

[rareboy]

Start investing the hours you've been given in life in meeting real people in real situations.

Forget on-line.

I see this pattern more and more. Virtual life is so much more compelling and satisfying than experiencing life in vivo.

It is safer and cleaner and less likely to result in anything spontaneous or messy. But it is not joyful.

Get out there and live.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

Next time just tell the guy, "I'd love to get together, but only as friends. I'm not looking for a sex buddy right now."

If that makes him not want to see you, you probably haven't lost much. But if he still agrees to meet, then there's no pressure on you.

If you end up being attracted to each other anyway, you can just conveniently forget what you said about not having sex!

 

[tallguy297]

That's tough...I'm also new to the whole scene (I joined JUB today) and in similar predicaments. My advice is take things slow...very slow... I can't exactly give you advice on the whole meeting with internet people BUT when you do go to Art School (which by the way is AWESOME coming from a fellow artist whoop whoop) join gay or queer clubs at school that way you'll be in a safe and comfortable environment thus taking away the scariness of meeting new people In the end only you can make the right decision

If this guy is as amazing as you think he might be why not go somewhere fun and public like a movie theatre or a sports game and actually hang out and nothing more. If he strikes you as "RED FLAG, DANGER, DANGER" you'll be in a public place where you ALWAYS have the option to leave. If he is less than what you think he was always remember "Hey, I'm gone in two months- how the hell's he going to stalk me?". But finally, you never know- he could be the decent guy you think he is...there's nothing wrong with being JUST FRIENDS. Bea Arthur once said "When you take a risk, sometimes good things happen sometimes bad things happen but Honey, if you don't take a risk nothing happens"...but always remember we JUB Members can only give you advice- it's always up to you to make the best and final decision for yourself. All the best in whatever you do

First of all welcome aboard you two guys - elliot52 & Raj - its great to have you here at JUB!

elliot52, even though Raj is a newbie too his post is spot on in what he says and the advice he gives.

Theres plenty of time to meet and experience new people in your life and you are about to embark on an adventure that opens up doors to worlds right now you dont know exist.

For now, if you feel like meeting the guy then take your time and do as Raj suggests. You know the boundaries and time constraints...and so does he. Who knows mate, this guy could turn out to be a great friend and thats simply how you should approach it right now. Not every guy will turn out to be bf material so try not to head into these things feeling that hope.

Just be honest with him elliot52... thats the best thing. And that respect you show him will let him know you are nothing like the other guys.