I need to be okay with bottoming

[RDaniel]

I think you accidentally a few words. And i'm curious..just how old are you?

Yes, I realize I do that quite a lot I should really proofread what I type lol... What I meant to say was that "as long as he keeps thinking that anal sex would be painful/uncomfortable, the more chances that it is going to be." And, to answer your question I am 20... like I said pretty young to be giving out advice

 

[Lube]

Carpates, you seem kind of uptight.

In addition to the advice you've been given about dildoes and such, it might help if your bf gave you a massage first, then rimmed you--slowly and passionately--and fingered you, and then slowly went in.

Is he helping at all, or just expecting you to be ready and pounding it in?

 

[carpates]

Carpates, you seem kind of uptight.

In addition to the advice you've been given about dildoes and such, it might help if your bf gave you a massage first, then rimmed you--slowly and passionately--and fingered you, and then slowly went in.

Is he helping at all, or just expecting you to be ready and pounding it in?

No, like i said, he keeps suggesting he's okay with being the bottom and everything, but i can honestly tell that this would not provide a wholesome relationship..which is why i am taking this initiative in the first place

EDIT: And yeah, i am uptight about it

 

[bankside]

So never mind the emotional reaction - i think that conversation is turning into a bit of a distraction. Have you found any ideas here that you might actually try?

 

[Harker]

Granted there is a lot of good advice being given in this thread- it's important to know that bottoming isn't for everyone. As someone who have for years been a pleasure-less bottom, we're not all built that way, just like not all people are either gay or straight.

I started bottoming because my partner at the time got pleasure out of topping. I derive no real pleasure from it, and only do it to please him. This has resulted in accusation of "pretending" to enjoy it when I really hate it, when-- in reality-- I truthfully hate the act but only get pleasure out of him enjoying it (not pleasure in and of itself.)

So, if HE is that important to you, I'd suggest biting the bullet and continuing to bottom. If your feelings/what pleases you is the more important thing, and you know you don't enjoy bottoming, then-- by all means-- don't! You know your body better than anyone.

 

[MarKo17]

I've got a major issue and i need some major help with it. Okay, as far back as i can remember, i have been a 'top' because that is what i am comfortable with and what is natural. But until about 2 months ago, i've been trying to challenge this as i have started dating a guy that i really really really am in love with. He identifies himself as top/versatile. I have come to the conclusion that, despite him saying it would be okay to just bottom for me on occasion, i know he would not be entirely happy with that type of sex. What i'm saying is that i want to learn to bottom and enjoy it. Not because i want to, but because i love my boyfriend.

Now on to the nature of bottoming with it. I have tried it a few times in the past and have never really been able to finish, and i have not been able to enjoy it. It really doesn't feel like i think it should (i clean, lube, relax, all that stuff). Another thing that i think is the main point of why i have trouble is the psychological point of it. I absolutely cannot STAND any sort of feelings of inferiority or desecration or any of that shit. I feel like any sort of bottoming is being submissive and i am having some major issues with that. Bf knows i'm having these issues too. I don't think i can even feel comfortable with being comfortable with a dick in my ass. It is obviously an insecurity.

Also, to add to the trouble, his dick is incredibly thick. He told he had an ex dump him because the ex could not take it (ex being a bottom). Especially since there have only been about 2 1/2 dicks in my ass before, this will be problematic without a doubt. I've heard that it's a good idea to use dildos and slowly increase their size.

Help guys, i really need it. I can't believe how in love i am with this guy and, for him, i would like to pursue a versatile relationship. Feel free to ask questions that pertain to this, i'm sure there are plenty of things that i left out. But i have to put an end to this problem

A couple of years ago I was just like you. I'd never been topped before and always thought of myself as a top with an unwillingness to bottom. Of course my bf wasn't happy about that. Like you I was so madly in love with my bf and I started to do it just to make him happy. I would never be hard during because I kind of felt like i was being demeaned. That didn't make him comfortable with topping me, so for a while we were at a standstill until we came across flip fucking in porn.

We tried it and it turned us both on so much, I didn't care that I was being topped. It was how passionate and turned on he was that kept my attention. Eventually, I got used to his size. I was a virgin before we started so, I know your pain. I like not a lot of lube, where it still slips in and out, but still has a little abrasion. He also sucks me off for a while before he tops me which makes it feel a way more equal and that helped with the whole submissive dilemma I was having. I hope I was able to help some.

 

[maxer343]

I've just posted on a why do peiple botomm thread. "You’ve got to try again, explain that you are new to the experience. Keep an open mind. Maybe you could make a New Year’s resolution to switch it up (LOL). TLAgay.com sells some training toys but, I have to say, I was trained by the real thing. I top for the most part but I have to say that my most intense experiences have been when I was willing to switch back and forth. I don’t actually see guys who bottom as having a submissive personality; rather I see them as totally comfortable with their sexuality."

 

[carpates]

A couple of years ago I was just like you. I'd never been topped before and always thought of myself as a top with an unwillingness to bottom. Of course my bf wasn't happy about that. Like you I was so madly in love with my bf and I started to do it just to make him happy. I would never be hard during because I kind of felt like i was being demeaned. That didn't make him comfortable with topping me, so for a while we were at a standstill until we came across flip fucking in porn.

We tried it and it turned us both on so much, I didn't care that I was being topped. It was how passionate and turned on he was that kept my attention. Eventually, I got used to his size. I was a virgin before we started so, I know your pain. I like not a lot of lube, where it still slips in and out, but still has a little abrasion. He also sucks me off for a while before he tops me which makes it feel a way more equal and that helped with the whole submissive dilemma I was having. I hope I was able to help some.

I feel that this might have helped me the most

I've just posted on a why do peiple botomm thread. "You’ve got to try again, explain that you are new to the experience. Keep an open mind. Maybe you could make a New Year’s resolution to switch it up (LOL). TLAgay.com sells some training toys but, I have to say, I was trained by the real thing. I top for the most part but I have to say that my most intense experiences have been when I was willing to switch back and forth. I don’t actually see guys who bottom as having a submissive personality; rather I see them as totally comfortable with their sexuality."

And i'm not totally comfortable with my sexuality really

 

[Kyanimal]

And i'm not totally comfortable with my sexuality really

Our sexuality, like all other aspects of our lives, is not set in stone. Everything about us is fluid. One of our greatest strengths is our ability to adapt, and change, over time, through our experiences and changing circumstances.

One would think that being young would lend us to being more flexible. However, I've discovered that is not (necessarily) the case. In our youth we don't yet KNOW many things. In light of that we face more doubts, uncertainties, and even fear. One of the great challenges of youth is gaining the strength to move forward just when we have the least idea of what the outcomes might be. It is often our very lack of experience that narrows our concepts of all the options/possibilities available to us.

You have expressed a desire to explore beyond the boundaries of your current perceptions. THAT is exactly what you need to make progress toward your goals. Now you need to overcome the reluctance of walking into an uncertain future, and actually begin that journey by taking some initial steps, one foot at a time.

Know that once you begin heading in a given direction, should you not like the way things are going, you are always free to alter your path, or keep going/experimenting the same course. NOTHING is concrete! You, and everything/everyone around you, are in constant flux. The trick is to gain a higher view to better navigate the waters you are traveling. And the only way to do that is to jump in and get Wet!

Of course ... no matter what ... it is always of tremendous help to ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz