I need your advice (kind of broken heart)

[mistur]

Hi guys!

I'm 18 years old and 3 months ago I've met a really sweet, handsome dude in a gaychat. So I added him on MSN and we talked a lot about everything for hours!
Really serious stuff and personal things though we didn't knew eachother that well, it felt really good to talk with him. He lives 3 hours away from me, but that's fine for me. Couple of weeks later, we started to feel "special feelings" for eachother, not love feelings, but it was something special! We called eachother baby / sweetheart / etc, we said I love you / I miss you here with me / etc .. All kinds of sweet things. We even made silly pictures with eachothers name with hearts around it, but it was so sweet. We also webcammed, normal webcam and sometimes "not so normal" webcam if you know what I mean .. I haven't seen him in real life yet, but we talked for hours on MSN. We texted to eachother at night just to say I love you sleep well and wish you were here and that stuff .. But now 2 weeks ago, it suddenly stopped .. He didn't call me baby anymore and stuff .. He talked a lot with me like normal .. But suddenly no more sweet things! So I asked him why? And he said that he has some problems at home and he feels really bad about it .. So I understood it and didn't think about it anymore! But now 2 days ago, he wasn't online that much for 2 days because he had problems at home again .. So I though "Hey let's send a sweet e-mail!" And I did! He told me it was very sweet but I felt there was a "but" coming .. He said it was to "extreme" and when I've reread it again and it was. It was like to much baby this baby love you baby blablabla .. So I asked him again why he didn't text me anymore or didn't call me baby anymore .. And he said that he didn't want to hurt me or dissapoint me in some kind of way. He also said that it felt "weird" for him, what if he falls in love with someone in real life .. He said it would be like "cheating" though we don't have a relationship. But he has NO girlfriend / boyfriend and since he met me he hasn't fall in love with someone or had sex etc. Same for me too. I told him he is very special to me and he said the same to me so yeah .. I also asked him have a "date" with me, more like a meeting in real life, he said that if I keep talking extreme like that he doesn't want it .. He has the feeling that I really have a big crush on him .. And it's true, maybe I overacted a little bit sometimes, and he is very special to me, and I know when I see him that I'll fall in love for real .. I cried the whole night for him, really, I felt really bad, my eyes hurt from crying .. What should I do now? I'm desperate .. I don't want to loose him

Only serious awnser please, and sorry for my bad english!

 

[symbolicform]

my advice is very much like what someone else has already written: get out of the house! real life is not lived on this website, on msn, on webcams, or gaydar or whatever. I'm sure your feelings _are_ hurt, but these are feelings that, unfortunately, are based on very little reality, on no flesh and blood evidence of who this other person was. There are real, nice, walking, talking young men moving around somewhere much nearer to you than a three hours' drive. Go find them and have your heart broken (or not) for real.

 

[racer2438]

Go out find new friends, he clearly does not want to got othe level you want to go. The longer to try to stay trying to understand it. The worse it will be for you.

It just may be time to move on. Just write him back and tell him you understand and would just like to be friends. See how that goes.

Other wise go meet peolpe closer to you and develope more friends to mingle and go out with.

Long distance things dont always work out the best and it is real hard trying to tell someone you love them and all that baby talk when you have not even seen each other.

so search closer to hmoe and that way you can see them on a regular bases.

Who knows what one looks like on the internet, most people lie about it anyway.


good luck..

 

[mistur]

Thanks guys for the comments ..

I go out a lot and have a lot of friends, so it's not the problem about social contacts.. I never thought it could happen to me, falling in love with someone over the internet .. And about the long distance things, you're so right .. It's true what you say. And I feel that he didn't lie to me, he really didn't, he ment those sweet things he said to me. Damn, I'm so hurt.

 

[animator79]

Here's the deal. I went through the exact same thing about three years ago. You have to try and see it, and understand it, from his perspective. Chances are he's young and not ready for a committed relationship... and a long distance relationship at that. I'm very sure he did mean those things that he told you. But at some point the reality of the situation settled into him and he had to start thinking with his head and analyzing the situation. The situation is that you're three hours away. And while that isn't an ocean distance, that's still quite a distance. He's probably young and wants to have the option of finding someone that he can go out with that he can see and date on a more regular and physical basis. The internet is a fantastic tool for fantasy. But we all live in the real world and have to separate ourselves from that fantasy if we want to live a normal, and happy, life. So he's being a gentleman and actually telling you that you need to stop talking cutesy and lovey with him because in the end, it's only talk that won't perpetuate a physical relationship. So to spare his feelings and yours from getting hurt, he has finally created a barrier and a more simple definition of yours and his relationship. While the outcome wasn't what you would have hoped, it's how it had to be at this point. At least your guy had the common decency to give you an explanation of his feelings. My experience wasn't quite as civil. But, I got over and understand it as what it was at the time. Those feelings that you and he felt were real. And the feelings that you feel today are very real still. But in order to actually heal, you need to separate yourself from the catalyst of those feelings and keep your relationship with him as a more casual friendship for now. If things develop a little more in the future, then great. But for now accept the outcome and be grateful that he's still in your life if only as a friend.

- Sergio

 

[mars1013]

I know how you feel--so close to something that you thought would be the real thing, only to have it slip inexplicably out of your grasp.

Some stuff, however, is just not meant to be. It's ok to feel hurt over this because it sounds like you really invested a lot in this person. Just remember that there are plenty of great people out there who would be more than willing to get to know someone as caring and sensitive as you seem to be.

 

[voyager1994]

i wouldn't even advice that you take the initiative to meet this guy in person. you're already hurt now, and doing so would only make it more difficult for you to get over it. try to meet someone within your city/town, if there are handsome dudes three hours away from home, i bet there are also handsome dudes three minutes away from home.

 

[Desire]

wow..sounds like the same situation im in...

 

[animator79]

Yeah I know that it hurts. Trust me, I've gone through it. And I still have strong feelings for the guy that I fell for three years ago. I still think about him a lot and he's still a special person in my life. At the end of this, I'm going to copy and past something that I posted onto my myspace. It's what got me thinking and helped me get over the fact that my fantasy wasn't going to come to fruition. You can't control your heart and your feelings. That's a curse, and a blessing at the same time. But you can control how you deal with the "now" The "Now what?" question. Those are questions that you have to answer for yourself in a healthy way. If you want to get over those feelings, as hard as it may be and as long as it may take, then you need to distance yourself from him a little bit. That dosen't mean to cut contact with him. That just means that maybe now you're not calling him or texting him every day. Or that you're not chatting with him on the computer every day. Let your relationship with him evolve to the point where you two can be good friends online, and hopefully in person. And through this good friendship something more serious may ignite again. But hes' young, and you're young. You two deserve to experience all of the things that young people are supposed to experience which is dating, that first kiss, etc. It's hard, if not impossible, to experience that when all you have is a chat line through a computer. My experience wasn't the best experience for me and I was depressed for well over a year about my fantasy not happening. But I came to the realization that, while I might have created a perfect fantasy with my guy... his fantasy didn't include me. And I had to respect his fantasy because his fantasy is just as legitimate as mine. So I moved on a still loved him and kept those great moments that he and I shared. In the end, it's those great moments that I had which can never be taken away. And while my moments today don't include him, I do know that my moments tomorrow may be just as special with someone else. And I have THAT to look forward to. So do you. So as promised, below you will find the little writing that I posted on my myspace blog which got me thinking about my guy and the good times he and I spent. And it helped me to realize that the time I spent with him was not time wasted, and it was not three days of unrecipricated effection. Here it is:

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.


Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.


-Sergio

 

[Mehdilicious]

that same thing happened to me, it's just that it was not an on-line relationship, it was a real-life friend ... but I realised I had to move on, like animator79 said , those moments spent together are the thing that will never be taken away from you ... And there's no doubt, you will encouter other ventures in your life just as passionate and tender, if not better ...
you're young , you still have a long way to go and that's just life ...