ok sooo its been four days since the coffee thing....
i feel sooo stupid!!!! i couldnt be evil!! i guess im too nice gosh darnniitt!!
so i go and meet up with him, it was Awquarddddddd!! so i get a coffee and sit down across from him outside.
im thinking tto myself WWWTTFFFFFFF was i thinking!! lol
so he starts talking, hes like its nice to see you, im glad you came, and out of nowhere i blurt out at him OMFFFF im like:
WTF wer you thinking?! did you honnestly believe that i wouldnt find out eventually?? i mean after i specifically told you about how i was hurt before, after you made that promise!! umm.... lets see what was that little promise you made??? hhhmmm that you wouldnt ever hurt me!! that you will never cheat on me or make me sad?!?!?!! what happened to that promise?! what happened to never making me sad?!?! i mean no flipping contact whatsoever untill now?? whats with that?? what you got caught up in your game again and decided you would try it out again with me.... thinking you might still have a place in my heart?? is that it?? did you honnestly expect me to be like ohhh i love you sooo much i want you soo much i miss you baby blah blah blah blah???? well its not like that, just like you did, i moved the fuck on with my life, and actually it was thanks to you that im really happy! so i think i owe you a thanks! so thanbk you for cheating on me, thanks for openning my eyes and thanks for introducing me to an awesome person!!
i had had enough of it, i was soo full of rage i didnt know what to do, he was still quiet, just staring at me in awe.
than he started to speak, his voice breaking up a little, i realised i really got my point across, he seemed ashamed, sad, and angry at himself.
he started to speak: i understand that you are angry with me at the moment and may not ever forgive me. but please believe me when i tell you that i am truely and utterly ashamed at myself, that i can hurt such a person as you, i dont know what i was thinking, (pause) i wasnt thinking, and am am such a stupid ass for it, what happened with me and timmay( that was my boyfriend and his ex aswell) did not mean anything, we wer just friends, well maybe a little more but that was really just in his eyes, i allways saw you and i allways thaught of you as my partner as my boyfriend!
infact after we stopped talking, i cut it off with him, i was soo ashamed, i told him i may have ruined something that i may never gain back, he said ohh fuck him, he seemed too clingy and honnestly hes a bit ugly and hes probably hoeing arround with other guys!! ((my eyes wer getting weider and weider as he spoke)))) he said:::: and than i told him off, i was like dont fucking say that shit about damir!! hes a million times more better than you!! and frankly i dont think i can talk to someone that is going to talk about someone i care so much!! dont talk to me, dont contact me, and deleat me off of your myspace!! and than i hung the phone up, i was soo ashamed of myself i fell asleep crying!!, im so sorry damir, i appolagise to you i really do mean it, i am soo sorry i wasnt thinking i am soo sorry for breaking my promise and for hurting you i really do mean it.....................((((and im sitting here thinking omg is it really this hard to find a fucking sencere guy???? i didnt know who to believe, and here he was basically in tears begging me to forgive him while like people wer passing and stuff, a bit embarrissing i must admit but i was glad he may have reasized his mistakes)))) so i said i forgive you, but i dont think ill be able to forget about it, im just trying to figure out who is telling the truth.... he said thats for you to decide, but believe me when im telling you thant timmay has no real interest in you, i truely believe he does not lopve you and i know for a fact that he is talking to other dudes off of another account on myspace!!( omg here we go again with flipping myspace!!)))) i tell him, i really do not want to talk about myspace, and frankly i do not want to have myspace drama or another immature myspace war!! hes like i know how you feel, im sorry, and so its quiet for a while, and im like trying to think things through, and than i look at the time and realise im running late for meeting timmay!! so i tell him i have to run and that im glad we talked about it and stuff like that i start to leave and he looks at me and asks if it was okay to get a hug, i figured it wouldnt hurt, so i turn arround and he comes to me and hugs me, a little too close for what i was prepared for but whatever it ended after like 10 secons haha so i say bye and leave.
omg sooo i meet up with timmay, and we just sit there in his car, he asked me how come im so late, i tell him the truth, at first he started to get mad but than it was my turn to ask the qeustions!!;;;;;; so i ask him everything!! about the things he said about me being clingy and stuff about eveything!! even about how if he was lying when he said he was cheated on by my ex aswell, well he looked like he was going to deny everything, but i look at him straight in the eyes and i tell him i really need you to be honnest with me, i cant be lied to, i have been lied to soo many times in my life and especailly in the last few months, please, please tell me the truth, if you have a heart at all. i stop and wait for him to speak, he says yes, that dan was telling the truth, that he said alll those things and that it was a lie that he broke up with him because he cheated on him aswell.
i couldnt believe it!! i didnt want to believe it!! but i had no choice, i acted as calmly as possible, i dolt him i dont want to see you again, i said i rerally have no time for lieers and i need someone loyal and honnest, i said goodbye and left, he just looked after me as it started to rain, i didnt care, i was devastated!! but i held my head up untill i was out of sight, when i was away from the sight of the car i was balling my eyes out, the rain started to pour on me, i really didnt carei just sat there and cried!! after about 30 minutes i went home. i couldnt believe what happened, i locked myself in my room and stayed there untill the 11th, my parents wer freaked something really bad happened, but i acted normal, i just said i wasnt feeling good but am better, and they let it go surprisingly!! but anyways here i am now, conflicted with either contacting dan or just moving on.... help....
-Damir