I really need help....

[Lonestar]

Hello everyone,
I've been in a complicated situation which I don't know what to do. I've met this guy three weeks ago. We went out for a lunch date. It was very promising that a second date would take place. We exchanged texts and tried to set up for our next date but he kept making excuses. I asked him if he still interested in me and he said yes. He is a lawyer and a partner of a startup law firm. I know he's very busy but it seems that I'm the only one who puts more effort into this dating. I finally got a hold of him last week as I drove a 45 minute trip to his office. We made out and almost did it in the office. I decided to stop and he promised to get us a room this weekend.

The thing is I just discovered he had or has a long term partner. He said he had been in relationships before and he's looking for something more casual. I went to his partner's facebook and found out his partner is moving to a new place ( His partner posted status using "We", I have no clue if they are still together or not). I'm so devastated. I have a feeling that he's cheating on his partner with me. I know they've been together for more than 10 years.

I'm 20 years old and he is in his 50s. He seems like a genuine and honest guy. I really like him and was hoping this casual thing could go somewhere. I'm so confused and lost of words to describe my feelings. I like the idea of having sex with him, but again it is morally wrong. I really don't know what to do anymore. I don't have anyone to turn to. My closest friends would judge me if they know I go out with a guy who is 30 years senior to me. Please, I really need some help. I need some advice.

 

[aaggii]

Talk to him about it (hey, I wanted to add you on facebook and saw this etc etc) and if he lied to you, run the fuck away. In my experience, I found that older guys can lie so much more and so much better than youngsters. You´re 20, in a point of your life where even if you don´t admit it, you´re vulnerable, probably still believe in Hollywood love stories and get too attached to anyone coming in your life. Ask the guy if he is looking for a relationship or just a fuck buddy. He might be in an open relationship.. I tried to stay away from those too. Just think that if he is indeed in a relationship and he´s lying to his partner, there is a very strong possibility to lie to you, even if you start a relationship with him or just remain fuck buddies.

 

[aaggii]

Oh, and close friends are real close friends if they don´t judge you for doing anything that affects them directly. If they do, you need other people in your life. The gay world if filled with old-young couples.

 

[hylas]

id advice you to stop seeing him, simply because you dont seem very in control of your own feelings, and hes clearly not up for anything more than casual.

 

[mbamike]

Lonestar, it sounds as if you are pursuing him. STOP!

He has your number. Let him contact you if he wants to make this relationship work. Until then, look for other love interests. You are too young to be waiting around for this guy to make up his mind.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

id advice you to stop seeing him, simply because you dont seem very in control of your own feelings, and hes clearly not up for anything more than casual.

^^^^ THIS.

Find someone more available to you who can and will appreciate YOU for you, 100%, not use you as their casual sex toy while cheating behind their partner's back.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Lonestar,

First of all, welcome to JUB and good you have created a profile and that you have made this posting. I can imagine myself that you feel right now very confused what you should do. Others have already given you some ideas what you should do.

I tend to conclude, based on what you have told us, that the guy was not honest to you. This does not agree with your ideas ("He seems like a genuine and honest guy."). Im 57, so I will have around his age, but this kind of behaviour is totally unacceptable for such a guy. So the biggest problem is not the gap in age, but its the way how he is treating you. Do you have experiences with other guys? Are you open to your friends?

I feel very sorry that this has happened to you. I agree with others that its better that either you tell him the truth, or that you stop seeing him.

Good luck and please don't hesitate to ask additions questions.

Best wishes & take care.

 

[Lonestar]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate your wonderful insights and probably would take them into consideration. I'm just at a point in my life where everything seems so temporary and meeting someone who is so nice would cause me to become so attached. The thought of not seeing him terrifies me. There is something about him that makes me feel secure and delighted. His calm manner and his softly spoken voice knocked me off my feet every time we met. But I guess I have to move on and make the right decision for me. I have to move on with my life...

Once again, truly thank you!

 

[aaggii]

meeting someone who is so nice would cause me to become so attached. The thought of not seeing him terrifies me. There is something about him that makes me feel secure and delighted.

Been there, done that. Big chances for the relationship to fail when someone gets attached too quickly. Think that you barely know him. It´s good feeling good being with someone specific, but keep a bit of a distance before you get to actually know him. Get to know other people and you´ll see how fast you´ll get over it!