I really need some relationship advice

[tylerhart]

It's really hard to keep this thing to myself and I feel the need to talk to someone so I hope some of you could help me think this situation through.

As a background, I've never been in any serious relationship and so does this really wonderful guy I met online. We're both closeted and share many common interests together that it's really been a blast talking to him.

We met at a G4M dating site, so we know for a fact that were both interested in guys and are looking for a serious relationship even. Yesterday, I practically spent the whole day talking to him online/through text and even got to play with him on an online game (we're both serious gamers).

The crux of the problem is that I am not really sure if he's interested in me. He's really really good looking while i'm just plain and uninteresting (I've always had serious self-esteem issues). I've been thinking all this time why would someone like him even become remotely interested in someone like me?

Is it even possible for gamer buddies (i think thats what we are now). to become more than friends? His status message is saying "looking for serious relationship"
Should I ask him directly about it, about the possibility of us? or should I just wait and see what happens between us?

I really like him a lot and I feel that he's the person that i've been waiting for all my life. I just wish there were more signs that he also feels something special about me

P.S.
I texted him and he hasn't even replied yet but I know he's awake since he just updated his G4M profile earlier today

 

[ridinghorses1]

There's no such such as a plain and uninteresting person, so stop telling yourself that.
Since it is a dating site, I don't think it'd be out of the blue to ask him out on a date. Just ask him and don't be afraid. Try to meet up with him in real life.

 

[joeG23]

Good advice man, no point in you doing his thinking for him. If he likes you he likes you - beauty is in the eye of the beholder remember. If you wanna meet up, ask. If he says no, there's nothing lost. Don't invest so much in this guy until he reciprocates, you have to manage disappointment as well as success. Best of luck

 

[tylerhart]

Thanks for the advice. I'm sure i'll be meeting up with him eventually but i'm afraid I just might not be the type of person he has in mind for a long-term relationship.

that's why im wondering if is even possible to build a relationship based on interests or is attraction just a purely physical thing.

 

[rareboy]

I don't understand why people think they can/should make life decisions on-line. Is it something about the mindset of gamers?

Meet him. Talk to him face to face.

Then you'll have something more to go on. And so will he.

May it will be the love match to end all love matches. Maybe you'll just make a good friend. Maybe you'll decide that you will remain nothing more than avatars.

 

[KaraBulut]

There's no reason not to have an honest talk (or chat if you must). You can say that you're glad that you met him and that you enjoy gaming with him. Suggest that the two of you meet. You don't have to call it a date- go have coffee, go to a movie, go to a Dave and Busters or just hang out and talk.

After you've met in person, you'll have a better idea of whether there's a relationship spark or whether you're headed to being friends. Be prepared to accept either possibility.

Either way- whether you're going to be friends, fuckbuddies or date, you've got to get out of texting and out from in front of the gaming console and actually meet each other in person.

And another thing...
Gaming is a lot of fun but unless you're doing Wii Fit, it's not going to do much for your self-image and body issues. Dedicate some time each day to doing something for yourself- go to the gym, go to a yoga class, get your haircut, go for a run...

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I've been thinking all this time why would someone like him even become remotely interested in someone like me?

I'll let you answer that question.

"I practically spent the whole day talking to him online/through text and even got to play with him on an online game (we're both serious gamers)."

You have similar interests. And you click. That's all it takes. It doesn't matter if you're four feet tall, 300 lbs, and missing a few limbs. If you have similar interests, you might click, and something might happen. He's probably been looking for someone he can discuss the finer points of Halo or WoW or the last Tool album with, and instead all he knows are...I dunno, bodybuilders and models who live and breathe the gym. So he's happy to find someone to chat with.

Stop thinking you don't deserve him. Or he might start thinking that.

But don't go putting the cart before the horse. Go arrange a meeting. Interact face to face. It'll be a bit awkward, but stick with what you know. Talk about the subjects you talked about before, and move into more personal ones. Not "top or bottom" but whether he likes the area, what restaurants he likes, stuff like that.

Lex

 

[hackingnomberr]

Totally was in the same position as you, make sure not to come on too strong with whatever you decide to do. =P

 

[tylerhart]

Thanks for the advice G-Lexington, Karabulut and rareboy.

I still don't know what to think, maybe i'm just overanalyzing it but talking about interests doesnt seem to be romantic you know? I get the feeling that he's looking for someone who can sweep him off his feet and I'm probably not the guy who can do that.

We still always text and chat at night tho, so i'm hoping I can keep this up until we meet. We just haven't agreed on the date yet

On the other hand, as Karabulut said, i'm going to dedicate more of my times to improving myself. I enrolled myself to a gym (i used to go regularly but stopped 2 years ago when my mom died) and plan to stop by all sorts of places (facial, shopping, etc.) this weekend just for myself.

P.S.
@hackingnomberr
I'm really worried about coming out strong because i've never been in a relationship.

 

[KaraBulut]

I still don't know what to think, maybe i'm just overanalyzing it but talking about interests doesnt seem to be romantic you know? I get the feeling that he's looking for someone who can sweep him off his feet and I'm probably not the guy who can do that.

The difference between an LTR and a fling? With an LTR, it's like a conversation that starts but never ends. With a fling, you're just happy to have them shutup or you wonder why they never have anything interesting to say.

And don't put your thoughts into other people's heads. You don't know what he wants because he hasn't told you and you haven't asked.

On the other hand, as Karabulut said, i'm going to dedicate more of my times to improving myself. I enrolled myself to a gym (i used to go regularly but stopped 2 years ago when my mom died) and plan to stop by all sorts of places (facial, shopping, etc.) this weekend just for myself

Two years is long enough. It's time to start working on you and time to start feeling better about yourself.

 

[tylerhart]

The difference between an LTR and a fling? With an LTR, it's like a conversation that starts but never ends. With a fling, you're just happy to have them shutup or you wonder why they never have anything interesting to say.

And don't put your thoughts into other people's heads. You don't know what he wants because he hasn't told you and you haven't asked.

Two years is long enough. It's time to start working on you and time to start feeling better about yourself.

i dunno, maybe thats just the way i think? looking for signs, analyzing how he talks to me. I do have some bit of experience chatting with many people online (is a hobby of mine) so I can tell when someone is interested in you.

The main difference here is i'm presenting myself to him completely like an open book. That's why i'm always apprehensive because whenever i ask him about small stuff like his family, friends etc. he just doesn't seem that much interested to ask the same stuff about me.

I am determined to meet up with him tho, like others said thats the easiest way to know if there would ever be a chance for us. But I plan not to see him until I feel that i'm good enough to meet up with him. I just don't feel like disappointing him too much. We've seen each other on cam tho but he had to close my cam because "his brother might see he is chatting with a guy"

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I do have some bit of experience chatting with many people online (is a hobby of mine) so I can tell when someone is interested in you.

No, you can't.

You've never been in a relationship, and it sounds like you've never taken a friendship from online into the real world. In addition, you're talking to a closeted guy who is worried that his brother might see him "talking to a guy", and is probably exploring uncharted territory of his own. You're simply not going to get a good read on him given all that.

>>>he just doesn't seem that much interested to ask the same stuff about me.

We do have general guidelines and rules about conversation. One is that you reciprocate. If you ask about his family, he should do the same. But, again, he's nervous. He's closeted. He's exploring uncharted territory. And if he's like you, he's not used to being very social. He may not have learned all the rules.

>>>But I plan not to see him until I feel that i'm good enough to meet up with him.

Then let me save you the effort.

You will never be good enough to meet up with him.

Not in your eyes. Not in your current mindset. Losing weight and gaining definition may help a bit, but I doubt you'll ever get to the point where you'll think "OK, now he'll like me." The self-doubt will always be there, nagging at you.

And, more than the extra pounds and lack of muscle, that's the issue. Because, see, he already likes you. He's seen you, and he's still talking to you. He likes you. He likes talking to you. If he wanted someone with rockhard abs and a ten-inch cock, he would've advertised for one. The gym might help your self-confidence, but I think meeting him, and helping HIM with HIS self-confidence, would help far more. And far quicker.

Lex

 

[tylerhart]

I doubt he lacks any sort of confidence, its most definitely his Chinese upbringing that prevent him from outing himself to anyone he knows.

I'm starting to condition myself not to invest too much emotion on him. I don't want to come out too desperate for his attention, that would be too off-putting.

I'll continue being his friend and consider myself lucky by being that.