I spot with my little eye a MASCULINE GAY MAN???

[TheAverageGuy]

I have a question. Do these kind of gay men exist? Well, obviously they do, I'm a masculine gay man, but exactly where are they?

I say this because while I can tolerate feminine men, transgenders, and Cross-Dressers, I have little in common with that part of the gay culture. I do not enjoy wearing women's clothes, I do not wish I were a girl, I do not talk with a lisp, I do not vogue, I do not wear make up, I'm not a fashionista, and I'm not catty.

Now of course what I've just stayed may appear to be stereotypes, but common, those actually are a lot of qualities a lot of "visible" gay men possess. lol.

I'm Black, I'm DC, I'm 21, I prefer sports, chilling, and hanging out with straight men.

And this is sad to say, but I have never met another "openly" masculine gay man. Im used to hanging out with my modeling/ballroom scene friends.

Sometimes I feel like I'm gay, yet I have little in common with both straight and LGBT community.

What makes things worst, when I look for love, I can never find it because of the people I'm exposed to. It seems as if what I want does not exist.

#Sighs

It's frustrating.

I need words. Help. Suggestions. Something.

 

[Sigma-taylor-E]

Oh lawrd, if this was in hot topics!

You answered your own question.

 

[Corny]

you talk about stereotypical gay men and then about your masculine MODELING/BALLROOM scene friends

 

[seven2go]

^ That got my attention too.......

 

[elGeniuoso1721]

...he didn't say his ballroom/modeling friends were masculine....he was implying they are not; that he has never been around openly gay masculine men, only his ballroom friends who are not masculine.......

ANYWAYS, i understand what you mean, being masculine myself. Maybe you're just not looking in the right places. Try looking up a gay sports club. You're in DC, correct? You should have no trouble finding stuff you're interested in with guys you can truly relate too.

 

[TheAverageGuy]

...he didn't say his ballroom/modeling friends were masculine....he was implying they are not; that he has never been around openly gay masculine men, only his ballroom friends who are not masculine.......

ANYWAYS, i understand what you mean, being masculine myself. Maybe you're just not looking in the right places. Try looking up a gay sports club. You're in DC, correct? You should have no trouble finding stuff you're interested in with guys you can truly relate too.

Why thank you for making that obvious lol. That's CLEARLY what I said.

I appreciate it.

Now to Sir Corny, I do the whole modeling thing, just because that was the first kind of gay people I was exposed to.

Im not judgmental, I simply would like to hang or converse with like minded people.

Plus this is kind of my way of ranting lol.

 

[Treborf]

Most of the masculine gay guys your age are still closeted / actively discrete. You can try running with an older crowd with a higher percentage of "average" guys that are out, or be patient until more of your peers start to trickle out of the closet, or try to meet as many gay guys as you can - at gay sports clubs, orgs, bars, etc - until you find some more guys whose interests match yours (if you catch a wide enough net, you'll probably eventually catch what you're looking for).

 

[TX-Beau]

Yeah, I used to ask that question also. So how are you defining “masculine?” I know a lot of just regular guys who are gay, most of them don’t like sports all that much, but there are some who do, none of them do drag or torch entire forests just by walking by, but really, they have interests all over the place, are friends with the guys who they get along with.


You didn’t say this, but it’s kind of relevant, a lot of time how gay men define “masculine,” is every bit as stereotypical and unrealistic as they define “obviously gay,” and really what they are looking for is not so much masculinity, but stereotype and posturing that distances themselves from obviously gay.


Figure out what you mean when you say masculine. It’ll be easier to find guys who are what you’re looking for when you know exactly what that is and why you want that.


I don’t do drag, I don’t wear designer clothes, I drive a truck, and know the difference between a 12 gauge and a .22. Is that “masculine? Not really, I also love cock, Broadway musicals, and some of the best people I know like the glittery wigs and the platform heels. I personally think that masculinity is about self-reliance and integrity, and not so much about if some guy likes his mother’s china.


I used to care about this a whole lot, but really, it doesn’t matter. Guys are who they are, most of us have some things stereotypically masculine, and some things that aren’t, including straight guys, you’re going to like some of them, and not like a whole bunch more.


Then there are the guys gay or straight who posture and aspire to the stereotype, judge other guys by the stereotype, guys who I’ve found are a whole lot less interesting than just about anyone else.

Where do you find them? They’re probably all around you.


You don’t notice the regular guys because they’re regular, and if they don’t know you are available, you probably never will.


Big question, are you out?

 

[terps420]

Most of the masculine gay guys your age are still closeted / actively discrete. You can try running with an older crowd with a higher percentage of "average" guys that are out, or be patient until more of your peers start to trickle out of the closet, or try to meet as many gay guys as you can - at gay sports clubs, orgs, bars, etc - until you find some more guys whose interests match yours (if you catch a wide enough net, you'll probably eventually catch what you're looking for).

I think the whole age thing is debatable. I'm a white hispanic from the DC area, and although I do admit to being the token gay in my group of friends, I have met several masculine gay guys our age (I'm 23) but their openness towards their sexualities all varied to incredible degrees.

All of the really masculine black men under 22 I've met are basically on the down low. I go to a large (white majority) university in a majority-black area near DC (although the city the campus is in is majority white because of it), so they definitely make up the largest proportion I've had real life interactions with. This is all just my opinion and it's generalized and based solely on the guys I've had the opportunity to discuss this with, but I feel like they think it's something to hide. They aren't ashamed per se, it's more that they're not proud if you know what I mean. I think it has something to do with overall African-American culture though. Black men stress on hyper masculinity like if it was going out of style.

I've had long term relationships with two very masculine guys (in our age bracket) who were in the closet while I was not, one of which was was white and the other was asian. I knew neither was gay when I met them initially, the gaydar picked up nothing at all. The asian guy was almost 4 years ago; he is well into his twenties now, has not come out and honestly don't think he ever will. His parents would never accept it. As stereotypical as this sounds, they were the kind of parents that would demand their kids to get straight As . If he ever did, I truly believe they would demand he change his mind about it. Or something equally as ridiculous. The white and hispanic masculine gay guys I've met all varied on how open they are with it. My (white) ex was very proud and open but not into the scene at all. A friend of mine who's also hispanic is masculine but living in a glass closet, as his sexual indiscretions are known by all his friends and siblings, yet despite having profiles on hookup sites and frequenting gay clubs, he denies it when asked lol.

Obviously this will all change once we're older though. The masculine guys I imagine to (collectively) be the ones to come out last, sometimes even after college/grad school.

 

[maxpowr9]

Once you realize that biology aside, there are no inherent differences between men and women, you let sociological gender roles fall by the wayside and just accept people for who they are as a person.

 

[TheAverageGuy]

Yeah, I used to ask that question also. So how are you defining “masculine?” I know a lot of just regular guys who are gay, most of them don’t like sports all that much, but there are some who do, none of them do drag or torch entire forests just by walking by, but really, they have interests all over the place, are friends with the guys who they get along with.


You didn’t say this, but it’s kind of relevant, a lot of time how gay men define “masculine,” is every bit as stereotypical and unrealistic as they define “obviously gay,” and really what they are looking for is not so much masculinity, but stereotype and posturing that distances themselves from obviously gay.


Figure out what you mean when you say masculine. It’ll be easier to find guys who are what you’re looking for when you know exactly what that is and why you want that.


I don’t do drag, I don’t wear designer clothes, I drive a truck, and know the difference between a 12 gauge and a .22. Is that “masculine? Not really, I also love cock, Broadway musicals, and some of the best people I know like the glittery wigs and the platform heels. I personally think that masculinity is about self-reliance and integrity, and not so much about if some guy likes his mother’s china.


I used to care about this a whole lot, but really, it doesn’t matter. Guys are who they are, most of us have some things stereotypically masculine, and some things that aren’t, including straight guys, you’re going to like some of them, and not like a whole bunch more.


Then there are the guys gay or straight who posture and aspire to the stereotype, judge other guys by the stereotype, guys who I’ve found are a whole lot less interesting than just about anyone else.

Where do you find them? They’re probably all around you.


You don’t notice the regular guys because they’re regular, and if they don’t know you are available, you probably never will.


Big question, are you out?

Well said. lol.

My idea of masculinity is not the stereotypical, plays sports, burp, etc. None of that junk.

If you were to look at me, you probably can't tell until you observe my mannerisms or hear about my hobbies lol.

I pretty much like everything raging from sports, to writing, dancing, modeling, acting, rapping, singing, graphic design...you name it.

I guess that it the issue. What actually defines masculinity?

That is definitely a hard question. Hmmmm...the more I think about it, I can't necessary say whats defines masculinity, but I can say what doesn't.

And I guess I have to revert back to my first post. The stereotypical "gay man".

Oh and to answer your questions, I'm out for the most part.

Back at home, I'm pretty much out, especially within the gay community, however at school I'm not.

I'd be a liar if I said everyone know for sure, but I'm damn sure everyone suspects. lol

Ironically, no one has EVER asked me at my school.

 

[TheAverageGuy]

Im assuming you go to the UMD lol.

 

[Incognito]

It's hard to define masculinity when its a continuum of traits and also based on some blatant stereotypes. I guess you should be careful that you're not trying to hold every guy up to an ideal pedestal of masculinity.

I'm in Australia and would say a lot of guys (perhaps 25-50%) are stereotypically masculine. I find the proportion of 'more masculinised' guys is higher on the internet/grindr than in gay clubs. I've never felt masculine gay guys are 'rare', but then perhaps Australia is culturally different than the U.S. (somehow I doubt it).

I think you should just persist looking for people, but perhaps judge people not against a masculine ideal- but based on personality traits and mutual interests you find attractive.

It may also be (and this isn't meant to be offensive) that if you have antipathy towards being gay or gay culture you will perceive people to be less masculine and negatively embellish their gay tendencies. I'm only saying because I felt that way in the first 12 months after coming out.

 

[Delphi124]

TX-Beau is exactly right. I used get hung up on this too. Later I realized that while most of my gay friends aren't all ultra-masculine, most of my straight friends aren't either. The ones that are super macho are usually kind of put on too. In the end it doesn't really matter that much if you have a good connection.

That being said, if you are mainly hanging out with gay models and dancers you can't really be THAT surprised if not that many of them are super macho.

 

[jdbadboy]

I have a question. Do these kind of gay men exist? Well, obviously they do, I'm a masculine gay man, but exactly where are they?

I say this because while I can tolerate feminine men, transgenders, and Cross-Dressers, I have little in common with that part of the gay culture. I do not enjoy wearing women's clothes, I do not wish I were a girl, I do not talk with a lisp, I do not vogue, I do not wear make up, I'm not a fashionista, and I'm not catty.

Now of course what I've just stayed may appear to be stereotypes, but common, those actually are a lot of qualities a lot of "visible" gay men possess. lol.

I'm Black, I'm DC, I'm 21, I prefer sports, chilling, and hanging out with straight men.

And this is sad to say, but I have never met another "openly" masculine gay man. Im used to hanging out with my modeling/ballroom scene friends.

Sometimes I feel like I'm gay, yet I have little in common with both straight and LGBT community.

What makes things worst, when I look for love, I can never find it because of the people I'm exposed to. It seems as if what I want does not exist.

#Sighs

It's frustrating.

I need words. Help. Suggestions. Something.

Most of the gay men I know do not lisp, wear make up, wish they were girls or any of the the other stuff you were whining about.

 

[elGeniuoso1721]

You're welcome! Glad I could clarify.

And, as most people said already, pay attention to TX-Beau's post. It's very intuitive actually.

 

[TheAverageGuy]

Most of the gay men I know do not lisp, wear make up, wish they were girls or any of the the other stuff you were whining about.

Not sure if that was a sassy ass remark or not. But I'm not going based off stereotypes. I'm going based off what I'm constantly around. And that is exactly, what I see.

My personal experience. My inner circle etc. I would simply like another scene.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi TheAverageGuy,

You tell us

I'm out for the most part. Back at home, I'm pretty much out, especially within the gay community, however at school I'm not. Ironically, no one has EVER asked me at my school.

and

I pretty much like everything raging from sports, to writing, dancing, modeling, acting, rapping, singing, graphic design...you name it.

and you

have a question. Do these kind of gay men exist? Well, obviously they do, I'm a masculine gay man, but exactly where are they? I need words. Help. Suggestions. Something.

I would like to advise you to open yourself to anyone, so at school and to any of your friends / aquaintances who are also interested in 'sports, writing, dancing, modeling, acting, rapping, singing, graphic design...you name it'.

So try to reach the situation that anyone in your wide circle of friends, aquaintances, schoolmates etc. is aware that mr 'TheAverageGuy' (=you) is gay (and single, and looking around).

Do you have a facebook account, and is it already indicated on this account (or on any other social network account) that you are gay & single? If not, why not?

Bottom-line: all other gay guys must be aware that you are 'around, and available', and all of your straight friends must also be aware of this (as nowadays alot of straight friends also have a gay friend / cousin / brother / work-mate / school-mate etc.).

So how can this guy find you when you are not visible for him (including his friends)?

Feel free to give comments, or ask for more details. I have no idea why you are not (yet?) out a school, you might provide us with some insight why this is not yet the case.

Best wishes, and good luck.