I think I’m developing a crush on a former HS student (now in his 20s), but know it’s so wrong.

[Mikeychamp1]

If you go back to some of the early posts in the thread, before you met him, we were concerned that there was something obsessive about this situation. It wasn't a "I want to find out how he's doing". It was more a "For now it’s a silly infatuation, but I can’t stop thinking about taking that risk."

That was worrisome.

So, here we are, 6 months later and it still comes across as an obsession and he's done nothing to encourage an ongoing relationship between the two of you.

At this point, we're worried about the situation. Either you need to put distance between the two of you until you get your head together or you need to think about seeing a professional counselor to help you work through this so that you can move on. Continuing in this manner- especially as an educator- isn't healthy for you or your career.

I’m not taking any offense to this and I appreciate all your input. There are more important priorities to consider and self care is one of them.

 

[Rocky]

If I was the student and I had an attraction to you... I would go right for it. I wouldn't even waste time with "well, let's let some time pass first" BS.

I had an attraction to an English teacher in high school. Hell, I had a dream about him the other night. If I met him in real life right now again, and he wanted to have sex with me, I'd jump right in and make him pretend to still be the teacher while we're at it.

Unfortunately, that's not gonna happen for me.

 

[MusicMan321]

If I was the student and I had an attraction to you... I would go right for it. I wouldn't even waste time with "well, let's let some time pass first" BS.

I had an attraction to an English teacher in high school. Hell, I had a dream about him the other night. If I met him in real life right now again, and he wanted to have sex with me, I'd jump right in and make him pretend to still be the teacher while we're at it.

Unfortunately, that's not gonna happen for me.

Hey that had to be a good dream

 

[ipexx]

You've gone from having guilty feelings about being attracted to a former student, to then hanging out with him.
Then you tell him you're gay, and he's cool with it. So, no stress about you being gay.
THEN you decide to "go for it," - even though he's given you absolutely NO SIGN he's interested in you in "that way" and all of a sudden you're speculating that "he just needs more time."
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? The guy wants to be friends, and - despite your exhortations to just take it as it comes - it becomes clear that you want to ignore that he's straight and suddenly it's this:
"I then got it out of him that he needs the time to shift the relationship from what it used to be (as teacher/student) to something else. Although he said he likes that we’re building up this new rapport so far with messaging. Maybe it’s bullshit, maybe it’s not. Part of me thinks if he was really into me, he’d put in more effort."
HE'S NOT INTO YOU. HE NEVER WAS. You're simply someone who was a part of his adolescence and now he's seeing you on a more equal playing field.

Except it's not, since you don't listen to what you're told.

You have boundary issues. When someone says "NO," you don't push or try to manipulate them or the situation. You don't start speculating about "...if he was really into me, he'd put in more effort." WHAT?!?!? He sees you as a social acquaintance. Not a close friend, but someone he keeps in touch with. He's been entirely consistent about the boundaries. You? You just want to push those boundaries out of the way, all because you can't accept that someone isn't available to you in a sexual way. If he were a woman, and you were interested, you wouldn't push it, because with #METOO, you'd be concerned about harassment. But since it's only a gay man, (and we're all men here, right??) you feel that respecting someone's DISinterest is a road too far to travel.

Grow up. Leave it alone. And leave HIM alone, because your interest in him is not about him and simply having him in your life, it's about YOU and your desires for him. That's nothing more than selfishness. He doesn't need a secret predator in his life; he just wants (maybe) a friend. And every time you post, you're showing you can't just be a friend. Let him walk out of your spider's web, or you'll do something to alienate him, and then you WILL be nothing more than "that gay guy who kept trying to get into my pants. Oh, and he used to be my teacher, too!"

And if that IS all that you are, he neither needs or deserves someone who is looking at him as someone who'd be into you "if only he put the time in." (Right.) The proverbial Wolf in sheep's clothing.

THAT'S the reputation you want to build???

I get what you're saying but this is way harsh.

All that's happened here is that Mikey was interested - the other guy clearly isn't - and Mikey needs to move on from that. The end.

It's not like he's the first and only guy who's been interested in someone sexually and the interest wasn't reciprocated. Your talk of spider's webs, predators, wolves in sheep's clothing, harassment, etc. is overly dramatic and OTT.

 

[TX-Beau]

I get what you're saying but this is way harsh.

All that's happened here is that Mikey was interested - the other guy clearly isn't - and Mikey needs to move on from that. The end.

It's not like he's the first and only guy who's been interested in someone sexually and the interest wasn't reciprocated. Your talk of spider's webs, predators, wolves in sheep's clothing, harassment, etc. is overly dramatic and OTT.

You probably should have PM'd that, the mods don't like us bickering amongst ourselves in CO&R.

 

[KaraBulut]

You probably should have PM'd that, the mods don't like us bickering amongst ourselves in CO&R.

Yes. We prefer that posts in the support forum be directed to the OP who asked for support. Comments on other member's advice should be directed to that member in PM if you feel strongly enough to comment.