I think I have a problem!

[yayaya]

So, I like men. I like dick. I like sucking dick, and I like fooling around with men.

I also have a soft spot in my sexual repertoire for women, but I mainly like men. So go ahead, and label me gay, bi, whatever you feel like it.

But there is a part of me that - while it feels natural - somewhat scares me.

Whenever I see a flamboyantly gay man who acts extremely feminine, or dresses very feminine, I get extremely turned off - almost to the point of disgust. I found myself using the "F-word" in my mind several times.

I just don't understand why - if a man likes other men - he feels the need to act like a woman? Why can't we just be men?

I realize everyone is free to act however they damn well please, and I know everyone has their fetishes - lord knows I do!

But when the rest of the world thinks of gay people - they think of these very flashy, feminine types - which doesn't give homosexuality a very good image. I wish I could tell them that this is not the majority, but - from my own anecdotal experience - this is very much the majority of gay men.

I don't know why I have such a problem with this. Maybe I'm just a homophobic gay man, a walking oxymoron.

I just wish men didn't feel the need to give up their masculinity to be gay.

Does anyone else feel this way, or am I just a terrible person?

 

[Phlash]

So, I like men. I like dick. I like sucking dick, and I like fooling around with men.

I also have a soft spot in my sexual repertoire for women, but I mainly like men. So go ahead, and label me gay, bi, whatever you feel like it.

But there is a part of me that - while it feels natural - somewhat scares me.

Whenever I see a flamboyantly gay man who acts extremely feminine, or dresses very feminine, I get extremely turned off - almost to the point of disgust. I found myself using the "F-word" in my mind several times.

I just don't understand why - if a man likes other men - he feels the need to act like a woman? Why can't we just be men?

I realize everyone is free to act however they damn well please, and I know everyone has their fetishes - lord knows I do!

But when the rest of the world thinks of gay people - they think of these very flashy, feminine types - which doesn't give homosexuality a very good image. I wish I could tell them that this is not the majority, but - from my own anecdotal experience - this is very much the majority of gay men.

I don't know why I have such a problem with this. Maybe I'm just a homophobic gay man, a walking oxymoron.

I just wish men didn't feel the need to give up their masculinity to be gay.

Does anyone else feel this way, or am I just a terrible person?

There's all types of gay people. There's all types of straight people. Don't think that you can control what people think of you. People who don't like homosexuals don't care if you're overly flamboyant or not. They're just pieces of shit.

 

[fetaby]

But when the rest of the world thinks of gay people - they think of these very flashy, feminine types - which doesn't give homosexuality a very good image.

Cry some more...

 

[Phlash]

Cry some more...

He's right that a lot of people think of us as men in tight shorts dancing in the streets. I just don't understand why he gives a shit what those people think. Even if every single one of us acted like that, how the crap is it hurting anyone?

 

[fetaby]

He's right that a lot of people think of us as men in tight shorts dancing in the streets. I just don't understand why he gives a shit what those people think. Even if every single one of us acted like that, how the crap is it hurting anyone?

Could be any number of reasons. And frankly, I could give less of a fuck.

The crap the OP brought us replays itself here over and over... I, for one, am tired of entertaining the notion.

OP, you've got enough insight to know that you can't change people. You can't make the girly guys stop being girly and you can't make people stop associating that with being gay. So now you've come to that crossroad.... Are you going to keep it movin' or are you going to sit here and cry to us about it?

Cause if it's the latter, I'll set out a bucket...

 

[pat grimshaw]

… the drag queens. They are the ones that have pushed change…

I don't know how you say that. It seems a MYTH has arisen that drag queens and transpeople led the Stonewall riots. I say it's a myth because that view isn't supported by those who were in the week-long Stonewall riot

 

[pat grimshaw]

I'm trying to give you an example, any example, to help you prove your unprovable assertion that "the most vocal ones are often the most flamboyant and of course the drag queens. They are the ones that have pushed change…"

 

[pat grimshaw]

I make no assertion as to who has 'pushed change' but I do feel for the OP and his dilemma.

 

[pat grimshaw]

…scares me…turned off…disgust…just a terrible person…

Stick around JUB, yayaya, and you'll see we come in all different kinds.

 

[quasar]

You don't have a problem as such - you're just not attracted to feminine men. However, it's not like they've signed a contract that says "In order for for me to be gay, I hereby swear to give up all behaviour perceived to be masculine", they just happen to be gay men with what is perceived to be feminine mannerisms.

The problem with stereotypes is that it's always the extreme end of the scale that gets noticed. There are thousands of people who have a leather fetish, but 90% of them aren't dressed the same as that image that you have in your mind of leather chaps, waistcoat, jockstrap and peaked cap!

There are 64 notable types of coffee listed on WikiPedia - but whether it's a latte, espresso, mocha etc, it's still 'coffee' - but not every one of them may be to our individual taste.

Yes, it annoys me too that many straight people have the image of a gay man as a feminine, limp-wristed, sex obsessed drama-lama. But I'm not going to think I'm a bad person because I also dislike that stereotypical trait in a gay man - anymore than I'm going to feel bad because I believe loud, beligerent Americans do their fellow Americans a disservice.

Even within the straight community there are plenty of examples of men with feminine traits and females with manly traits - you just need to learn that (like coffee) our community is made up of many different kinds of gay men... not all necessarily to our individual liking... but nonetheless... we're all gay men.

And I agree with GiancarloC in that it is most often the people at the extreme end of the scale that drive law reforms - both within the LGBT and straight community. We have a lot to thank 'the fems' in our community for.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Don't waste your time, Pat. Either you agree with him 100% or you must be his sworn arch-enemy.

No shades of grey in some JUBbers' worlds.

-d-

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

I'ma go play some UMVC3 now.

M.O.D.O.K is fond of saying cry for me. So i'ma say that and exit, stage left.

Oh, but I do agree. You - along with some other people - do have a problem.

 

[pai mei]

So, I like men. I like dick. I like sucking dick, and I like fooling around with men.

I also have a soft spot in my sexual repertoire for women, but I mainly like men. So go ahead, and label me gay, bi, whatever you feel like it.

But there is a part of me that - while it feels natural - somewhat scares me.

Whenever I see a flamboyantly gay man who acts extremely feminine, or dresses very feminine, I get extremely turned off - almost to the point of disgust. I found myself using the "F-word" in my mind several times.

I just don't understand why - if a man likes other men - he feels the need to act like a woman? Why can't we just be men?

I realize everyone is free to act however they damn well please, and I know everyone has their fetishes - lord knows I do!

But when the rest of the world thinks of gay people - they think of these very flashy, feminine types - which doesn't give homosexuality a very good image. I wish I could tell them that this is not the majority, but - from my own anecdotal experience - this is very much the majority of gay men.

I don't know why I have such a problem with this. Maybe I'm just a homophobic gay man, a walking oxymoron.

I just wish men didn't feel the need to give up their masculinity to be gay.

Does anyone else feel this way, or am I just a terrible person?

i went to school with a kid in grade school, and every recess all the boys would play soccer, myself included. anyways, this particular boy only played sometimes as he wasn't very sporty, and was extremely effeminate. when he would play with us it'd be kindof funny (sorry lol but it was) whenever the ball came towards him he'd shreik, scream, lol, go into a ball and hope the ball goes away from him lol.

ANYWAYS, surprisingly no one really picked on him for it, but yeah, the point is that
this was grade school, before puberty, in the early 90s. he wasn't being "gay," he was a kid who was simply himself. he never "gave up his masculinity to be gay." he just happened to be extremely effeminate. i dunno if he was gay, because i lost contact with him around highschool i guess, but whatever, that's unimportant. the point is that that is simply who he was.

are there guys who emulate that? yeah, sure. there are, but the fact is there's a lot of guys who have to actively suppress that side of them because of perceptions like the ones you hold. take myself for example, as soon as i started hitting puberty, i went into a shell. no more dressing nice or dressing up, no more playing with anything girly, no more watching or enjoying anything "gay." i remember in highschool all i wanted to do was buy a flat-iron and some dye, but i wouldn't let myself take care of my hair because it was "too gay," in fact, those guys were "fags" according to my facade. i wore oversized clothing and everything else was "gay." movies, music, people, everything i secretely *wanted* to like i couldn't go anywhere near.

i guess i am myself naturally effeminate as well, but not to the degree that that boy was that i grew up with in gradeschool. he was himself then, and i learned not to be myself, and i suppose im to blame for that at the end of the day, but it's attitudes like yours that make us suppress these sorts of compulsions.

being effeminate doesn't make me any less of a hard worker, doesn't make me cringe away cleaning up after myself, or doesn't make me viciously gossip about people. tbh, i think you're still in the closet, still hiding. how would you feel if you got dirty looks everytime you stepped outside? how about walking through the mall, or whatever, holding hands with a bf? how would you feel walking around outside with a shirt that said in plain bolded letters "i'm totally gay!"

the truth is they're not 'handing in their masculinity' to be gay, the real truth is that you're handing in your self-confidence in order to be gay, and at the same time hiding so that you can still be "straight."

 

[palbert]

You could be a terrible person but that is no reason to denigrate feminine gays. So, stop dissing fem gays and just stay a terrible person. Much easier and you can enlarge the types of people you dislike. And then you can write another lame letter to JUB.

 

[mbamike]

But when the rest of the world thinks of gay people - they think of these very flashy, feminine types - which doesn't give homosexuality a very good image. I wish I could tell them that this is not the majority, but - from my own anecdotal experience - this is very much the majority of gay men.

Does anyone else feel this way, or am I just a terrible person?

You need more experience. None of the men I have hooked up with have been "flashy, feminine types." They are all very masculine.

 

[vidarr]

I used to think like the OP, that we as homosexuals need to set a good image in straight people's minds..

But then I stopped caring so much about when people judge me and more about enjoying being myself.
So what if you have some stereotypically gay qualities?
Thats way better than being a hyper masculine phoney.

The truth is while all of us are attacted to "manly men" everyone has a slightly different view of what that actually means.
And no one, I mean no one can live up to that hyper masculine image in our heads all of the time..

So stop trying. Enjoy being your own man instead of someone elses.
You will be happier because of it.

 

[terry61_99]

I also am turned off by flamboyant men, nothing against them, just not what I am attracted to. I don't think that makes me a bad guy by any means. No more then guys who are turned off by guys my age....I believe to each his own. Just saying

 

[chrisw87]

I've also seen flashy, flamboyant men that are 100% straight and flashy flamboyant men that at gay.

I've seen self obsessed closed minded gay guys and self obsessed closed minded straight guys.

I've seen humans... welcome to the world of personalities.