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I think i just ruined the best thing I've ever had

D

Danny

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So i met the guy of my dreams about two months ago. We were doing great. We went on dates twice a week. He'd always invite me to sleep over. We'd cook meals together. Workout together. He showed me affection like I've never been shown. Last weekend he introduced me to his best friends.

Suddenly things changed drastically. This entire week he was not very responsive. He canceled on out date for tuesday. I should add that there are some outside factors that he's dealing with (his job is trying to send him abroad, so he's got a month to find another one). I know he's been very busy and stressed, but I don't feel like that means you can ignore someone's texts. So, I got really worried that I'd done something wrong....started getting all crazy and begging for answers. Wanting to know what I'd done wrong. So yesterday he tells me that he's not ready for a relationship. He's feeling pressure from all sides (work, etc), including from me. He says he doesn't want to hurt me so it's probably best that we stop seeing one another. He doesnt think he can make me happy. So i respond and say that he makes me incredibly happy and all I want from him is what we previously had. Nothing more. And I don't want to consume his life. This was last night and I haven't gotten a response since. I'm so heartbroken. And now I see that when I got emotional, I did become overbearing and probably scared him away. Do you guys think there is anything I can do to fix it?? I don't want to text him because I'm going to see even more overbearing. Or should I wait a few days and text him? I'm trying to be strong, but waking up in my own bed on a Saturday for the first time in a month hit me so hard! I don't know what to do :(
 
I don't think there is nought you can do - you have made it clear how you feel and that you want to continue. Sadly you will just have to let him make up his mind as to what he wants. Its hard, but you can't force him to be with you - he has to decide that.


Shit I know, but I feel like you have done everything you can.
 
This is how all new romances turn out. While you're in the center of it, all you see is how nice, compassionate and affectionate the new guy is towards you. You don't get to see his inner douchebag behavior , indifference and ignoring of your texts, calls and emails. Consider it an added layer of experience to your lifetime armor which protects your heart.

Move on, he's shown you his true self.
 
Danny said:
So i met the guy of my dreams about two months ago. We were doing great. We went on dates twice a week. He'd always invite me to sleep over. We'd cook meals together. Workout together. He showed me affection like I've never been shown. Last weekend he introduced me to his best friends.

Suddenly things changed drastically. This entire week he was not very responsive. He canceled on out date for tuesday. I should add that there are some outside factors that he's dealing with (his job is trying to send him abroad, so he's got a month to find another one). I know he's been very busy and stressed, but I don't feel like that means you can ignore someone's texts. So, I got really worried that I'd done something wrong....started getting all crazy and begging for answers. Wanting to know what I'd done wrong. So yesterday he tells me that he's not ready for a relationship. He's feeling pressure from all sides (work, etc), including from me. He says he doesn't want to hurt me so it's probably best that we stop seeing one another. He doesnt think he can make me happy. So i respond and say that he makes me incredibly happy and all I want from him is what we previously had. Nothing more. And I don't want to consume his life. This was last night and I haven't gotten a response since. I'm so heartbroken. And now I see that when I got emotional, I did become overbearing and probably scared him away. Do you guys think there is anything I can do to fix it?? I don't want to text him because I'm going to see even more overbearing. Or should I wait a few days and text him? I'm trying to be strong, but waking up in my own bed on a Saturday for the first time in a month hit me so hard! I don't know what to do :(
Click to expand...

First thing I noticed when reading your post..... You are quite clingy and needy. You knew he was under a lot of pressure, including work related stuff that could have dire consequences for his whole life (being able to afford a roof over his head, transportation, food, health care, etc) and he had to cancel ONE SINGLE DATE while trying to deal with things...... And all you could think about was, "OMG HE CANCELED OUR DATE! HOW CAN HE DO THIS TO ME?!!!?!" Then, as any clingy fool would do, you began texting him (likely to the point of harassment). This, as it always does, caused the exact opposite response than what you wanted, he began ignoring your texts. But you still couldn't take the hint that you were becoming TOO PUSHY, so you pushed even more..... So yes, you've ruined it.

Chalk it up to a learning experience and maybe go see a therapist to help get yourself under control before you ruin any future relationships.
 
Two months is an extremely short period of time. I doubt quite seriously the man of anyone's dreams wouldn't be able to find the brief amount of time it takes to write a sentence or two summary of his day, even if nothing else. I'm going to have to agree with Kane, the man has showed you he's a douche.

Take break from the world of relationships, heal, and move on. You'll find somebody else.
 
Willie Boy said:
First thing I noticed when reading your post..... You are quite clingy and needy. You knew he was under a lot of pressure, including work related stuff that could have dire consequences for his whole life (being able to afford a roof over his head, transportation, food, health care, etc) and he had to cancel ONE SINGLE DATE while trying to deal with things...... And all you could think about was, "OMG HE CANCELED OUR DATE! HOW CAN HE DO THIS TO ME?!!!?!" Then, as any clingy fool would do, you began texting him (likely to the point of harassment). This, as it always does, caused the exact opposite response than what you wanted, he began ignoring your texts. But you still couldn't take the hint that you were becoming TOO PUSHY, so you pushed even more..... So yes, you've ruined it.

Chalk it up to a learning experience and maybe go see a therapist to help get yourself under control before you ruin any future relationships.
Click to expand...

Your assumptions are quite inaccurate. Allow me to further explain. When someone texts you "good morning" every single morning for a month, then suddenly stops doing that, and stops texting you all together, and kind of stops responding to your texts, I would think it's normal to think something is wrong. What you don't know is that he is the one who constantly pursued me, as I wasn't looking for a relationship when we met. Also, all but two of our dates / hang outs were initiated by him. I think it is normal to worry when someone's behavior changes towards you drastically changes in a day.

But to be fair, I actually did speak to my friend who is a therapist when i began to notice the change, because I was unsure of if or how to address it. Turns out it's completely normal to worry. Who would have known!
 
Danny said:
So i met the guy of my dreams about two months ago. We were doing great. We went on dates twice a week. He'd always invite me to sleep over. We'd cook meals together. Workout together. He showed me affection like I've never been shown. Last weekend he introduced me to his best friends.

Suddenly things changed drastically. This entire week he was not very responsive. He canceled on out date for tuesday. I should add that there are some outside factors that he's dealing with (his job is trying to send him abroad, so he's got a month to find another one). I know he's been very busy and stressed, but I don't feel like that means you can ignore someone's texts. So, I got really worried that I'd done something wrong....started getting all crazy and begging for answers. Wanting to know what I'd done wrong. So yesterday he tells me that he's not ready for a relationship. He's feeling pressure from all sides (work, etc), including from me. He says he doesn't want to hurt me so it's probably best that we stop seeing one another. He doesnt think he can make me happy. So i respond and say that he makes me incredibly happy and all I want from him is what we previously had. Nothing more. And I don't want to consume his life. This was last night and I haven't gotten a response since. I'm so heartbroken. And now I see that when I got emotional, I did become overbearing and probably scared him away. Do you guys think there is anything I can do to fix it?? I don't want to text him because I'm going to see even more overbearing. Or should I wait a few days and text him? I'm trying to be strong, but waking up in my own bed on a Saturday for the first time in a month hit me so hard! I don't know what to do :(
Click to expand...

Did you blow one of them?

Should you have?
 
Fair weather relationships are pretty common. The relationship seems perfect, under ideal circumstances. But then throw in the smallest amount of drama or conflict and everything unravels quickly.
 
Danny said:
Your assumptions are quite inaccurate. Allow me to further explain. When someone texts you "good morning" every single morning for a month, then suddenly stops doing that, and stops texting you all together, and kind of stops responding to your texts, I would think it's normal to think something is wrong. What you don't know is that he is the one who constantly pursued me, as I wasn't looking for a relationship when we met. Also, all but two of our dates / hang outs were initiated by him. I think it is normal to worry when someone's behavior changes towards you drastically changes in a day.

But to be fair, I actually did speak to my friend who is a therapist when i began to notice the change, because I was unsure of if or how to address it. Turns out it's completely normal to worry. Who would have known!
Click to expand...

Get defensive all you want and make excuses all you want, but it doesn't change things. Its over and done, yet you still can't let go......

My mistake, you aren't at all clingy. :roll: #-o
 
Sadly it is finished.

Time to wipe the runny mascara from your eyes and move on.
 
I'm unsure whynyou think YOU ruined the bestbthing you ever had. The only somwhat bad move I saw from your end was the flurry of texts asking for responses and answers near the tail end there. And at that point, he'd already started closing the door. It was a bit of an over-reaction, perhaps, but the wheels were already in motion at that point.

If there's a lesson here, it's just that relationships aren't will-to-power. It takes two, and if one of them decides "nah, maybe not" there's not a lot taht can be done. Thank him for several weeks of aweesomeness, wish him well, grieve a bit if you have to, then get back out there.

Lex
 
Danny said:
Your assumptions are quite inaccurate. Allow me to further explain. When someone texts you "good morning" every single morning for a month, then suddenly stops doing that, and stops texting you all together, and kind of stops responding to your texts, I would think it's normal to think something is wrong. What you don't know is that he is the one who constantly pursued me, as I wasn't looking for a relationship when we met. Also, all but two of our dates / hang outs were initiated by him. I think it is normal to worry when someone's behavior changes towards you drastically changes in a day.

But to be fair, I actually did speak to my friend who is a therapist when i began to notice the change, because I was unsure of if or how to address it. Turns out it's completely normal to worry. Who would have known!
Click to expand...

You did nothing wrong and worrying about what changed is perfectly normal. I agree with Lex, other than the flood of texts, you behaved as most would.
Give him some space and see if he comes around. Whatever you do, don't take all the blame on yourself.
No guilt trips, ok?

Good luck, Danny. Let us know if there are any new developments.
 
THANK YOU Lex and sixth. I was waiting for some advice that was logical on all parts. So i still feel guilty about pressuring him unintentionally. Should I apologize for that? Not in an attempt to fix things, but because I feel bad for doing so and adding to his incredibly stressful situation.
 
Just write him a letter explaining things and leave the next move up to him.
 
Consider it a dodged bullet. You shouldn't get involved with anyone beyond friendship with possible benefits and even friendship can be too much. You'll find that privacy and solitude really aren't that bad, and at some point, you'll realize that you will really come to enjoy them.

Relationships are nothing but poison. That's a harsh thing to say, but it is the truth.
 
I don't like the fact that you got a lot of grief for reporting a fact. He seems to have changed on a dime and I'm wondering if an ex turned up. You need empathy right now because this sucks and hurts.

PS You did nothing out of the ordinary. If something like this ruined relationships, there would'nt be any relationships. Figuring out where you stand over the course of a couple of days is neither clingy nor over reaching.
 
G-Lexington said:
I'm unsure whynyou think YOU ruined the bestbthing you ever had. The only somwhat bad move I saw from your end was the flurry of texts asking for responses and answers near the tail end there. And at that point, he'd already started closing the door. It was a bit of an over-reaction, perhaps, but the wheels were already in motion at that point.

If there's a lesson here, it's just that relationships aren't will-to-power. It takes two, and if one of them decides "nah, maybe not" there's not a lot taht can be done. Thank him for several weeks of aweesomeness, wish him well, grieve a bit if you have to, then get back out there.

Lex
Click to expand...

Very good advice unlike Willie the criticizer .. :lol:
Yes it takes two to dance, and it is up to him now to reply.
 
Danny said:
THANK YOU Lex and sixth. I was waiting for some advice that was logical on all parts. So i still feel guilty about pressuring him unintentionally. Should I apologize for that? Not in an attempt to fix things, but because I feel bad for doing so and adding to his incredibly stressful situation.
Click to expand...

No, if you text the "apologize" it sounds not genuine because there is nothing to apologize about.
 
Danny said:
THANK YOU Lex and sixth. I was waiting for some advice that was logical on all parts. So i still feel guilty about pressuring him unintentionally. Should I apologize for that? Not in an attempt to fix things, but because I feel bad for doing so and adding to his incredibly stressful situation.
Click to expand...

Well, what exactly is going to come of sending him yet more texts he doesn't want? Guys vote with their feet, no matter what might be said, if he's walking out the door, that's the truth.
 
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